I’m a 15 year old boy, and close to a year and a half ago I fell into the sin of masturbation. At first, I did not know it was wrong, but even when I did, somehow I have still ended up doing it every now and then. The thing is, I’ve heard a ton of conflicting info about whether it’s a mortal sin, and though I have gone over the three requirements many times, I’m mostly anxious about the “full consent of the will” part. I find myself arguing that I have not committed a mortal sin, since I don’t think I’ve ever both known it was a grave matter and completely consented to it at the same time.
I still struggle with this and I tend to fall into it around once a week. I fully detest the sin and have no wish to ever commit it again. It’s just that sometimes when I take a shower, one thing leads to another and even though I try not to, my mind just shuts out the fact that God doesn’t want me to do this, and I end up doing it. I cannot honestly say that I fully consented to the act… At least I think so… I have trouble even knowing if I fully consented or not. I have found that the best way for me to avoid it altogether is to try and challenge myself to a certain time limit in the shower. If I’m under a time constraint, I’ll
I know I should confess it whether it is mortal or venial, and I usually do so before receiving Communion, but at least once or twice, I didn’t get a chance to go to confession before mass, and while I doubted that I had committed a mortal sin, I still had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, but received communion anyway; partly because I was embarrassed about what others would think.
This is causing me a lot of anxiety, and I just can’t seem to be sure one way or the other. Also, I have come across discussion of scruples a lot when researching about this, and I feel like I almost have it but at the same time might be lax, because I don’t find myself super-analyzing any other situations, just this issue of masturbation. I also never find myself constantly thinking I’ve abused the Eucharist or anything. In fact I may be a bit lax in most areas except this. My mind wanders a lot when praying, and I find it extremely hard to concentrate, though I still do try to daily. That’s another topic completely, though.
Any reply will be hugely helpful; please pray for me.