Sin envy

I struggle very much with wanting badly to have the experiences my friends have already had.

Sex, drugs, debauchery in general. I stayed away from it when I was younger, because I wanted to be a good Christian. I still stay away from it. However, part of me really wants to know how it feels to do bad things.

I was always made to feel like I was prudish and inexperienced by those around me, but I didn’t care, because I knew I was keeping myself as in line as I could for God.

To be clear - though I’m curious, I would never voluntarily choose to sin in the ways I’ve mentioned.

It’s just that, at 20, most of my Catholic friends on campus came from sinful previous lives, and share their stories to give strength to each other. I don’t have a story to share, and I sound self righteous when I tell them that I was always more interested in living a good Catholic life.

I just feel sad, and honestly I feel very naive and inexperienced. If it weren’t for the deep connection God has given me with Him in my prayer life, and my experience of the overflowing grace present in the sacraments (especially Holy Communion and Reconciliation) from a very young age, I would eagerly indulge my sinful urges.

I tried to make my faith who I am. I did it, as much as possible, but now that I’m older I find it harder to relate to people. If I’m honest, occasionally I make up stories of a sinful past so that people don’t find me arrogant and self righteous.

(This isn’t to say I’ve never sinned. I had a terrible porn addiction from 12 to 16, but no one really sees that as a “big deal”.)

How should I feel about these things?

One item you may want to consider, which may help you feel a bit better, is how downright dangerous some of the experiences you envy really are.

Cheap/Illicit sex? Get ready for the sleepless nights of “Did I get her pregnant/am I pregnant?” Get ready for STDs, or at least STD tests. Get ready for emotional pain; scarring; feelings of emptiness; etc., to say nothing of how you will feel when you meet a person of the opposite sex who you like but who rejects you because they basically stayed pure and you didn’t.

Drugs/Booze? They fry your brain; they make you into a loser; they cost a fortune; they ruin your health; they lead to drunk driving arrests; legal fees; court costs; and a criminal record.

Etc.; Etc. Everything you are being tempted to try comes at a terrible cost, above and beyond the emotional one.

Just a thought.

I get what you’re saying - when I was young I felt like Miss Goody Two-Shoes a lot; I was raised very sheltered. Then in young adulthood there was a time, when I was unhappy about a lot of things, that I tried on the role of Miss Bad— and yes, I learned a lot. But the regrets still aren’t worth it. I say stay on the straight and narrow and get a thick skin to what other people say - and find some cool people who are also good role models to hang with for support. :grouphug:

wanting a story of strenght sounds to me like vanity, unless what you really mean is that you actually feel weak, and need proof of your strengh and that is a diferent story, if that’s it, let me know.

really naive and unexperienced, is just an illusion, in this cases, this is not something you should know. is like saying you want to get killed because you have never had the experience. in fact ask them if they would like to re do their past to something without that.

and relate to people is not about having the same problems or past, just do your best, be friendly and such and i dont see why you should have any problem.

also i think your main problem here is selfsteem, you seem to feel inferior, like if when they share their stories they share their hardness and such, but if you do since it is a worthless stuff(in your opinion) all you do is show off. Am i right?

Remember the devil’s lie to Eve? He sold her something that appeared delightful, something that would supposedly make her like a god, more free, happier. And you know what came of that choice.

From the rite of baptism:

Do you reject the glamor of evil, and refuse to be mastered by sin? I do.

Wanted to have the experience? That’s what I though a while back, and why I watched porn and masturbated for the first time. I thought it was just for the experience. But then I couldn’t stop. I became addicted, which lead to depression.

Being clean may make you an outcast among others, but believe, it is better than what happens when you give into temptation.

Many people end up with irreparable broken hearts from sin, some even end up attracting demonic entities into their lives because of it. Then there are the diseases that you can contract along with an early death. I wouldn’t envy them at all. They are lost.

I know this may sound outlandish but there is nothing demonic or dark spirits like more than when a human soul has checked out from too much alcohol or drugs because as soon you check out they tend to like to check in! I knew of someone once who was an Alcoholic, and when he drank to the point of drunkedness his eyes would become very dark, his face would contort looking very demonic. In the end this man eventually committed suicide by shooting himself in the head with a gun. None of this is anything to play around with. Thank your lucky stars that you haven’t signed up for any of it! :thumbsup:

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