One of the passages which came to mind when I read your post was Luke 14:26.
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." ESV
While we don’t take it in literal context as it were, the concept behind it is that we must have the thought that following Christ fully may lead to leaving behind those things which we previously put before Him.
A few verses earlier (Luke 9:59) Jesus tells a man who wants to bury his father to let the dead bury the dead. While it is thought that the man’s father was aged, rather than having recently dead, the point was “if you are not ready to leave your old life behind, you are not ready to follow me”. (Look up Muslim convert stories on YouTube for perspective and examples).
It doesn’t mean we ignore our family for the faith, but does mean we stand in our faith with those around us.
I would encourage you to not waste this opportunity for contemplation, questioning and spiritual growth. As was suggested a conversation about your thoughts with your Pastor would be a good idea.
Good luck in your journey!