Single and Socializing


#1

I’ve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing they’ve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically “get out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately you’re out there and socializing” or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^^). Before I get into it, I’m a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think I’m a 35 year old male :p). My silly little problem is that I can’t find people to socialize with -- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups I’ve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that can’t be right People must be talking about something else. I’ve also seen “at church events” as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if it’s just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And I’m in university so you’d think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or two…until they all paired up or went on mission :p. So I’m on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really don’t know where to look. I’m not necessarily talking about “socializing with the intent of finding a spouse” or anything, but it’d be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because I’m a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyone’s-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When there’s that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but it’s near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I can’t relate to them at all. :( I’d like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I don’t know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?


#2

[quote="leitis, post:1, topic:192821"]
I’ve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing they’ve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically “get out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately you’re out there and socializing” or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^^). Before I get into it, I’m a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think I’m a 35 year old male :p). My silly little problem is that I can’t find people to socialize with -- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups I’ve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that can’t be right People must be talking about something else. I’ve also seen “at church events” as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if it’s just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And I’m in university so you’d think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or two…until they all paired up or went on mission :p. So I’m on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really don’t know where to look. I’m not necessarily talking about “socializing with the intent of finding a spouse” or anything, but it’d be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because I’m a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyone’s-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When there’s that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but it’s near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I can’t relate to them at all. :( I’d like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I don’t know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?

[/quote]

I'm in a similar situation where I am trying to socialize with other Catholics, but many of my Catholic friends seem to be single.

For me I live in the Illustrious Kingdom of His Most Glorious Excellency Mayor Daley so there are a lot of parishes around and several young adults groups available to me. I am also in college and have easy access to young adults groups thanks to the abundance of colleges here. I don't know where you live but if you are near other colleges check-out their young adults programs. Another option is to look for parishes near colleges as these might have young adult outreach programs.

Good luck in the search!


#3

I'm in the same boat. I don't have anyone to do things with outside of my board game group. I don't like going out by myself because there's nothing fun/interesting/entertaining to do. So, I pretty much just go to work and come home. Socializing is especially difficult for me due to my Asperger's so I've been at my wits end for a while.


#4

It is pretty simple. Look at your church first. If it has nothing, check churches in the area around you. Churches have websites and singles and young adult groups are frequently advertised on the websites. If the area churches are barren of singles, try the region. If the region is barren, try the nation. If you cant find someone in the whole nation then the world is there. If you cannot find someone local or in the area, use online dating services. Many do that these days even for local dating. You have been blessed by having many tools given to you to find people. Use those tools and you will find some singles to socialize with and eventually marry one of them :).


#5

Hello,i want to say a very big thank you to the founder and to all my members of this forum


#6

[quote="mjs1987, post:4, topic:192821"]
It is pretty simple. Look at your church first. If it has nothing, check churches in the area around you. Churches have websites and singles and young adult groups are frequently advertised on the websites. If the area churches are barren of singles, try the region. If the region is barren, try the nation. If you cant find someone in the whole nation then the world is there. If you cannot find someone local or in the area, use online dating services. Many do that these days even for local dating. You have been blessed by having many tools given to you to find people. Use those tools and you will find some singles to socialize with and eventually marry one of them :).

[/quote]

I don't socialize though. Socializing for the sake of socializing is torture. There has to be a specific event or activity that I'm interested in. I went to a couple of young adult groups back when I was a young adult and I just found them to be too boring. Unfortunately, my hobbies and interests only seem to appeal to other guys.


#7

Nice to meet you. You make a solid nice impression and your attitude is refreshing. From your language I believe you may want to give a try to something brainy with a twist of humour (and a touch of wit), as long as Catholic or compatible folks are sharing in the same hobby. Just be careful with hobby groups where people have other values, which sometimes leads to drama where there is an illusion of deep personal compatibility but then it shows the couple doesn't share the same values and a common future is impossible (like my last relationship).


#8

Welcome.

I’m 27 and I know what you mean in regards to being one of the only young people at your church. I was like that for several years and at the conclusion of mass, I would just go home. However, since I have moved, the new church I am going to has a lot more ‘young professionals’ attending mass.

Never the less, I have found that I have met other Catholics in various activities not related to the church. I do volunteer work, I play in sports leagues, I guest speak and volunteer at a university, and I just get out and network with friends/co-workers. I just try to meet as many new people as I can. Sometimes they aren’t what I am looking for in terms of friends, but I have met plenty that I’ve become good friends with and we all share the same values and hobbies.

I would suggest joining some clubs or organizations focused on things you enjoy doing and just go from there.

I had 6 weddings to attend last year and a lot of my friends are in serious relationships or recently married. However, I have still been able to get together with them all.

I would recommend sending one e-mail to a handful of them (assuming you all are friends and know each other) and say how it has been a while since everyone got together and suggest an activity or dinner, etc. Then propose a few dates and have everyone respond with what works best.

It takes a lot of effort on your part because your married friends seem to have other priorities such as their husband/family. But if you can get a couple of these events planned your friends will be looking forward to them in the future and it will get easier…eventually they may start to plan them as well.


#9

Abundance of colleges? Interesting. I live in Canada, at the corner of No and Where (I kid. I love where I live), and there aren’t many colleges around. But checking out the parishes around campus sounds like a good start. Thanks!


#10

Most of the parishes in town don’t have websites, and if they do, odds are the main page will still say “Christ is Risen” from last Easter :p. From looking at the existing parish websites and the diocesan website, it seems that there’s little for young adults until you get married. It may just be an issue of priorities, I suppose. Our diocese seems more focused on rural catechetics and native ministry, understandably.

But you’re right. I must remember that I have many resources at my disposal. Now, to figure out what they are and how to use them… :thumbsup:


#11

[quote="leitis, post:1, topic:192821"]
I’ve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing they’ve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically “get out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately you’re out there and socializing” or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^^). Before I get into it, I’m a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think I’m a 35 year old male :p). My silly little problem is that I can’t find people to socialize with -- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups I’ve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that can’t be right People must be talking about something else. I’ve also seen “at church events” as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if it’s just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And I’m in university so you’d think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or two…until they all paired up or went on mission :p. So I’m on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really don’t know where to look. I’m not necessarily talking about “socializing with the intent of finding a spouse” or anything, but it’d be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because I’m a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyone’s-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When there’s that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but it’s near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I can’t relate to them at all. :( I’d like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I don’t know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?

[/quote]

I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles? :shrug:


#12

[quote="Sierrah, post:11, topic:192821"]
I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles? :shrug:

[/quote]

Yeah, you definitely can feel alienated and ignored as a single person. It is unfortunate.


#13

Nice to meet you, too.

Brainy with a twist of humour and a touch of wit…sounds like a drink order :p. Good cauttionary advice, though. I’ll keep it in mind.


#14

Thanks for the tip. I used to try more new activities than I do now, but was discouraged when it seemed everyone I ran into was married already. A strange proportion of the new people I meet are married. I started a new job last year, and in my section everyone’s pretty young (twenties) and all but one of them are married. It seems to always be this way in anything I do. I guess all that’s left to do is try another activity, then. :slight_smile:

I very much appreciate this advice. Thank you! :slight_smile:


#15

[quote="Sierrah, post:11, topic:192821"]
I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles? :shrug:

[/quote]

I so agree! The church I attended as a kid had great stuff K-12th grade but once we all graduated there was nothing left! :confused:

Two and a half years ago I moved to a smaller town for my job. Up until a few weeks ago I'd just go to work, come home and the usual grocery shopping. After doing some investigating on the diocese's, I learned that the community in which I live in (which doesn't have many Catholic churches though it is a "college town") DOES have a group for 18-35 year olds. Hallelujah! :extrahappy:

I joined their group on Facebook and learned that they do have semi-regular social gatherings. I already attended one outting (and enjoyed it :thumbsup:) and am looking forward to their "Lord's Day--pizza, praise and worship" gathering April 10th.


#16

My hometown church had NOTHING for singles at all. Then I moved, and my parish has a young women’s group, but the people are very boring. I tried to get fun stuff going, but they would much rather stay in on a Saturday night watching a movie about a saint (not that there’s nothing wrong with that, but COME ON, every weekend? How are you going to meet men if we hide in the parish center ever weekend?). So most of my friends are non-Catholics, and a lot more fun. :smiley: Hopefully I will find a parish with a lively group when I move closer to Seattle.


#17

[quote="CountrySinger, post:16, topic:192821"]
My hometown church had NOTHING for singles at all. Then I moved, and my parish has a young women's group, but the people are very boring. I tried to get fun stuff going, but they would much rather stay in on a Saturday night watching a movie about a saint (not that there's nothing wrong with that, but COME ON, every weekend? How are you going to meet men if we hide in the parish center ever weekend?). So most of my friends are non-Catholics, and a lot more fun. :D Hopefully I will find a parish with a lively group when I move closer to Seattle.

[/quote]

Countrysinger is right. So many Catholics seem to be soooooo serious. I've dated Catholic women who drop the marraige word on the first or second date. Hopefully, that's not everybody! You can have fun, go to concerts, be flirty, do everything and still be a good Catholic-I want to tell that to some people I meet!

I meet people at karate, the gym, bookstores, a few websites-perhaps the regular places where people meet. If they turn out to be busts, hey, at least I took the chance...

I understand how everyone feels about being single and being a bit "left out" from their churches. I guess I just don't personally feel that way.


#18

Just remember, I’m always right. :smiley: I only drop the marriage word on the third date, lol. :stuck_out_tongue: And people wonder why my closest friends are non-Catholic.
At my young women’s bible study, it was like Catholic Stepford Wife galore, it creeped me out (robots taking over the Church! RUN!). And they thought I was weird because I suggested we have a Wii night, or go out to dinner and a movie, or just go and meet men. :smiley: Once there was a bowling night in the next town over that the young adult group there invited us on, and no one wanted to go. So I went by myself. Plus, I love bowling.


#19

How do you meet people at bookstores? I’ve heard before that it’s a good place to meet people, but I just don’t get it. You see a girl there and what do you say? Once you get past “Hi” or “Hello”, I’m at my wits’ end. There’s typically nothing relevant going on that warrants a conversation. There’s usually not anything I need to know from her to warrant asking something and I don’t know enough about her to provide her to make any statements worth anything. So if I have nothing to ask her and nothing to tell her, where does that leave me?

Part of the problem of Aspergers is that we pretty much don’t have a subconscious. Everything I do is done on the conscious level, meaning it has to be thought out, pluses and minuses weighed, potential consequences examined, etc. When it comes to socializing, nothing just comes “naturally”.


#20

[quote="Bataar, post:19, topic:192821"]
How do you meet people at bookstores? I've heard before that it's a good place to meet people, but I just don't get it. You see a girl there and what do you say? Once you get past "Hi" or "Hello", I'm at my wits' end. There's typically nothing relevant going on that warrants a conversation. There's usually not anything I need to know from her to warrant asking something and I don't know enough about her to provide her to make any statements worth anything. So if I have nothing to ask her and nothing to tell her, where does that leave me?

Part of the problem of Aspergers is that we pretty much don't have a subconscious. Everything I do is done on the conscious level, meaning it has to be thought out, pluses and minuses weighed, potential consequences examined, etc. When it comes to socializing, nothing just comes "naturally".

[/quote]

I am so sorry you have Aspergers. I don't know much about it, but from what little (and I mean LITTLE) I've heard-it can be a serious social block.

What I do when I meet women in books stores (it's happend twice) is I say something like ,"Hello...oh, you like reading X?" X is usuallly what she is holding in her hands or looking at. It helps being an aavid reader, because I can converse on alot of writers. I never walk up with a stupid pick up line-I usually find that "Hi, I noticed you over there-are you from the area?" works very well.


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