A vocation is one that must be freely chosen.
So here I am, 32, single female. I work for the Church, I live a chaste life. I believe I am called to marriage:
The way God designed me as an extrovert… I live by myself and although I like my alone time, it drives me crazy to not be able to process my days with someone. When I am dating someone and speak often with them on the phone, I am so at peace, feel closure on my day, etc
When I have extended periods of being alone alot, I get feeling toxic, and not peaceful. Sometimes its loneliness, but other times it is real psychological energy that isn’t being expended the way I should.
I study theology of the body and I ache to be married and have children.
Having a past with a spiteful father, sometimes I question myself as God’s choice of a vocation for me… because I desire marriage so much, does God want me to stay single… this thought depresses me. God puts these desires in me just for suffering sake.
So, the thing is though, I’m not freely choosing the single life, its being forced upon me. (No one to marry). I know the whole thing about in God’s time, etc That certainly is still a possibility, but how do I live a peaceful life until then if it were to happen, or in general? If I don’t get married, how in the world can I consider this living out a vocation when it is forced upon me and not freely chosen.