I have a question about statistics and single moms. First off, I didn’t choose this. My husband is leaving and he doesn’t want custody (although he will see her liberally). While the divorce itself doesn’t hurt me as much as it used to (he’s a cheater with sexual identity issues, I can’t change him and he’s leaving). I keep reading all about how horrible it is for children who grow up with single moms. I just read these facts in another thread. Girls, like my daughter, are more likely to be sexually assaulted, be promiscuous, get lower grades in school, be abused, etc. according to these numbers. People spout this off all the time. They also say things about boys (but honestly I haven’t payed as much attention. Usually it’s something like they are more likely to be criminals).
This has me concerned… a lot. And it’s disheartening. I can’t change anything, I can’t “make” him stay with us and be a husband and father (and at this point I don’t want him to stay either to be honest). So I feel so helpless—like I can’t protect my daughter from certain doom.
But I started to wonder. What do they mean by “single mom?” Single mom’s can be a wide range of people from those who are divorced, to widows, to those who adopt as single moms, to women who have children to collect state benefits, to women who are promiscuous and didn’t intend to get pregnant. Are all the numbers lumped together—with no accounting for lifestyle or other risks? Or does someone take one set of numbers (say, from poor, single teen moms) and say it applies to ALL single moms everywhere (including maybe a well-to-do widow with years of parenting experience)?
I just find it hard to believe that my daughter is at the same risk of being abused and promiscuous as the child of a woman who, herself, lives in a risky lifestyle (does drugs, sleeps around, invites in strangers, etc). Something just doesn’t feel right. Is the fact that a person is a “single” mom or is it really the lifestyle that makes the risk?
To be clear, a father or father figure is important in a child’s life. I would never dispute otherwise. I wish I still had that for my daughter. But it takes two and I can’t stop him from leaving.
Anyway, was just wondering on people’s thoughts or if anyone had reliable information about the subject (either way).