Single (never been married) parents


#1

I was just wondering what other single (never been married) parents do to raise their children in the faith? How have you or do you plan on explaining your sin to your child in light of the Faith? What are your struggles? What are your joys?


#2

If you want to talk to single (never been married) parents, go to CatholicSingles.com. Of course, you have to subscribe, but the website if full of them.

I’m not sure where you’re coming from. Do you have a child? Are you thinking of having a child?


#3

I have a child and have never been married. I just was hoping that I am not the only Catholic, never been married, parent who was set straight in faith as a result of the situation. I have family and friends that are single never been married parents, however,they really don’t practice their Catholic faith at all. Just trying to find people who can relate in the same struggles not only with being a single parent, but also trying to raise our child in the faith.


#4

I suggest you get yourself in good standing with the Church, have your child baptized, first communion, etc.

It may be hard for you and your child, but you have to be strong and hold your head up high. You made a mistake. You are repentant and God will/has forgiven you. Remember, your faith is between you and God. If other people judge you by your mistakes, then that is their sin.

My parents separated when I was five and divorced when I was ten. My father had no room for religion in his life, therefore there was no religion in my family until he left. This was in 1962. After he left, my mother had every intention of the two of us going to a Presbyterian church. The only problem was that she couldn’t overcome the shame of being a single parent. She even felt bad around the PTA mothers. It would have helped me a lot growing up if I would have had religion in my life.

Finally, two weeks short of my 50th birthday, I’ll be baptized at Easter Vigil. Perhaps, if I had a better religious foundation, it might have been easier for me to make the move toward the Church sooner as an adult. I’ll never fault my mother for anything. She did the best she could and gave me a good life.

If you don’t go back to the Catholic church, find another Christian religion where you will feel comfortable.


#5

gmarie - i am not in your situation, but i hope to be able to offer some advice. regardless of whether or not you bring your child up in a religion, at some point they will realize that you had relations outside of marriage. the key point is for you is to be sure that they understand that this is NOT okay. as LeahInancsi it is important to bring your child up in religion and not be ashamed of what you have done, but in no way condone it. luckily in the catholic church we have a strong teaching on repentance. when your child is old enough to discuss the topic, don’t try to skirt around the issue, but say point blank that yes, you made a mistake, it has made your life challenging, but you have repented . be sure to remind them that they are a blessing in your life, but that imitating your mistake is unexceptable. we all make mistakes, and learn from them. to demonstrate this be sure to live your life as catholic as possible, attending mass, charity (working with unwed pregnant teens may give you a chance to give excellent witness). perhaps someone else here can offer you some more insightful advice - but God bless you for giving your child the gift of life and for repenting and turning back to God and His church. Good luck!


#6

[quote=gmarie21]I have a child and have never been married. I just was hoping that I am not the only Catholic, never been married, parent who was set straight in faith as a result of the situation. I have family and friends that are single never been married parents, however,they really don’t practice their Catholic faith at all. Just trying to find people who can relate in the same struggles not only with being a single parent, but also trying to raise our child in the faith.
[/quote]

You are not alone. There is a group called CFC-Handmaids of the Lord. I think they are what you are looking for.


#7

Thanks for your reply. I have been a lifetime Catholic and have confessed. My daughter really set me straight back on the path toward holiness. She really is the lemonade that God made with the lemons I gave him. She was baptized on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe and we attend mass and adoration weekly. I hope that I am not the only single parent with a young child doing this.

A little about my history. I was adopted when I was a baby and my parents divorced when I was 7. I have been very blessed and even though both my parents are Catholic, they never really taught me the faith. Of all my family, immediate and extended, I am the only one who is active in the Church and follows the magesterium. I am finding myself trying to catechize my family. Sometimes I just need support from other single, practicing Catholic, parents.


#8

[quote=gmarie21]Sometimes I just need support from other single, practicing Catholic, parents.
[/quote]

we all may not be “single” but we are here for you. Does your parish or archdioacese have a single mom’s ministry?


#9

My area has a Catholic crisit pregnancy center, and I try to volunteer however I can to let the girls know that they can choose life for their child and how wonderful a choice it is. However, many of those involved in this ministry are Catholic and married, so they do not have the same struggles as I do (I’m kind of their poster child in experience being adopted and a single mom). However, solid practicing Catholics who happen to be single parents is a different story. There are many who are single parents as a result of divorce, but not ones who have been single all their lives. I have mostly good days and don’t mind building community with anyone, but on some of the difficult days, when I seem to run into people at church who just don’t seem to get it when I say that I can’t do this or that b/c I am a single mother, I would like to converse with others solid practicing Catholic single parents who may have been through the same situation. I am blessed to be in a very pro-life parish, but still, even some of the people who are pro-life don’t “get it” when it comes to the reality of being a faithful single parent. The only couple I have found who really “get it” are parents to a son who, while not practicing, is a single parent of children who attend Catholic school.


#10

[quote=luvthelight]gmarie - i am not in your situation, but i hope to be able to offer some advice. regardless of whether or not you bring your child up in a religion, at some point they will realize that you had relations outside of marriage. the key point is for you is to be sure that they understand that this is NOT okay. as LeahInancsi it is important to bring your child up in religion and not be ashamed of what you have done, but in no way condone it. luckily in the catholic church we have a strong teaching on repentance. when your child is old enough to discuss the topic, don’t try to skirt around the issue, but say point blank that yes, you made a mistake, it has made your life challenging, but you have repented . be sure to remind them that they are a blessing in your life, but that imitating your mistake is unexceptable. we all make mistakes, and learn from them. to demonstrate this be sure to live your life as catholic as possible, attending mass, charity (working with unwed pregnant teens may give you a chance to give excellent witness). perhaps someone else here can offer you some more insightful advice - but God bless you for giving your child the gift of life and for repenting and turning back to God and His church. Good luck!
[/quote]

I have to disagree with referring to this as a mistake, there are other ways to get the point across than calling it a Mistake.
I am marrying my true soul mate asap, she has 4 children never been married,has Very valid reasons for not marrying the Father.
which i tell her is none of my buiseness.
I do not look down on her nor does our Church,
maybe explaining the Values of marital relations but never ever use the word Mistake when addressing the child,it will cut deep in an unknown way, and may not be seen for many many years.
My recomendation would probably go on the line of well I fell in love, and did some things married people do and God Blessed me with you… reemphasize how blessed you feel to have been given your child.

I deal with a lot of children as an instructor of Karate, most of my students are from “single unmarried parents” a few of them have been told the jist with the words mistake used and they have attitudes that "well I am a mistake and really shouldnt be here anyways so why does it matter"
Half my job is to build up self confidence in Martial arts, but these children really give me a task i have to say…
Use terms explain how special they are to have been so important that God wanted them in the world and you thier parent even though you were not married, sounds like you have time to get other opinions on this and actually go over what you will say,
Just please dont use terms like mistake, or boo boo etc.
they cut deeper than you could ever relize.
once they are old enough to actually understand procreation, they wont even ask the question, simply because most of thier friends will be of the same beginnings.thats when you start also with the
wait till marriage,

sorry if i overstepped but I feel very strongly using terms like Mistake when addressing children…

a simple thing you could say is well things didnt work out with your father and I the way we thought they would,but he helped God give me one of the greatest gifts i could have ever recieved

Hope i helped in some little way

God Bless you

              John

#11

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