Single Vocation?


I am an 18 old man. I have never dated, and I never will (I have no desire to do so.) I have never had any desire to ever get married and I find the idea of sex vile and repulsive (although I am attracted to women. I am not asexual. I just find the idea of sex disgusting and something I would never want to do.) On the other hand, I don’t want to be a monk, friar, or priest.

Is there a vocation for people who want to be single but don’t want to be a religious or a priest?


Oh, whatever are we going to do with you…sigh.


Yes, single life is a holy vocation that has produced many saints. If it is God’s will for you and you find a positive attraction to that life, it offers many opportunities for holiness.

If you are called to be married with a family and your obstacle is that you believe you hate sex, it would be very important to get good Christian counseling to address that issue.

God bless you.


Sex is not vile! Goodness.

The key here is to understand what God wants from you, not necessarily what you want from God. I hate to say this yet again, since lots of folks already tell you this, but … I think at some point it’s best to get some discernment help from a priest. Especially since you’re so young and such a new Catholic.

I’m really speculating here, and perhaps someone might clue us all in, but I’m not sure that the Church officially speaks of there being a vocation to being single. There’s vocations to religious life, to married life, or to the priesthood. While the word vocation can be used in various ways, those three senses are the way the Church primarily uses it.

But again, I could be wrong. This is what I think at present without actually doing specific research.

Edit: Tim Staples thinks the single life could be a vocation. Here are his thoughts on the matter: Go to the 46:40 mark for the question. Apparently Opus Dei has a focus on single people consecrating their lives to God.



The short answer to this question is yes, there is a vocation for those who feel they are being called to the single life.
However, being that you are only 18, I would still remain open to the possibility of the other vocations as well. I, too, am only 18 and I still have not decided what vocation to do. My best advice to you, which I am also trying to follow, is to just deepen your relationship with the Lord- spend time with Him. It is through this, then, that I think the calling to your vocation will come most certainly at the correct time as the Lord’s timing is perfect and as it says in the Bible, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” -Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)
Trust in the Lord and be patient.
God bless! :slight_smile:


Just to clarify, the single life can be a vocation and is seen as such by the Church. As you noted Melodramatic is very new in the Church and does not seem to have a very good grasp/grounding in his faith. And how would he know he hates sex at this point as we assume he has never been intimate. I think if he has a sponsor he should try to have some serious talks with that person as it seems like he may be avoiding finding a spiritual director. Peace.


I think I understand where you’re coming from. Do you have a history of sexual abuse? If not, then please reconcile yourself to the fact that sex was given to us by God for not only procreation of the species, but to bring the couple closer together. Your repulsion is good to a certain extent. Don’t go overboard or you’ll get tripped up.

Until you meet the girl God wants you to marry, just tarry on.

Not monk, friar, or priest. What about a consecrated male virgin in either a secular institute or new movement? Religious brotherhood? They aren’t necessarily friars.

Secular Institute:

Institute of St. Gabriel the Archangel (part of the Pauline family):

New Movement (from my organization):
Consecrates of St. John the Beloved:

Religious Brotherhood (site sponsored by the IRL):



Nope. I was never sexually abused (to my knowledge.) I just find the idea of sex and all things related disgusting, and I just want nothing to do with sex or marriage. I also personally believe that love in the sexual sense is a waste of time. You could be doing much more productive like loving God or helping people.

While being in a secular institute may be for some people, I personally wouldn’t want to take a vow of poverty.


Auto-correct strikes again! Poor guy. :smiley:

Joke aside, this is a very good post. At 18, things always seem bigger and more problematic than they really are. Time, experience, and growing in the Faith can change a lot of things. :slight_smile:


I see you’re in CT. I would suggest contacting the diocesan vocation director, or talk to the Sisters of Charity of Our Lady, Mother of the Church in Baltic. As an aside, are you on the Autism Spectrum?

As a married person, I can attest that the hormones dim out with age (menopause and andropause). Realistically speaking, if using Natural Family Planning, there is only one week available for such things. The rest of the time is spent dealing with the rest of the woman’s biological cycle. That’s the appropriate time for doing charitable work. If there are kids, your life revolves around raising saints by giving a holy example.

Concentrate on your relationship with Jesus Hostia. You can’t give what you don’t know. St Vincent de Paul said he greeted every man as Jesus, and every woman as Our Lady, and it worked very well for him.

Don’t forget your Angel Guardian. It knows what God wants for you.



Please do not be saying that love in that sense is a waste of time- they are showing their love for God by doing this, as long as they are not cheating or anything, and in marriage, two people promise to always love each other and help each other get to heaven. They are also assisting in the process of creating a new human being, which is a gift from God, and they are also showing and helping their children be a good follower of Christ. In return, these children will also make a difference in the world based upon their parent’s love and sacrifice for one another. You and I and everyone else would not be here if everyone thought that love in this sense was a waste of time.
God bless. :slight_smile:


I am not autistic. I don’t believe I am on the spectrum either as I am an extroverted person.

I could check out a vocational director. That might be interesting.

Are the Knights of Columbus a vocation? :confused:


There are extroverts on the Spectrum. That’s why it’s called a spectrum.

The K of C could be considered an avocation to either the single or married vocation. I know hubby was K of C when he first became Catholic. He was single then. He’s mad at the church right now because of the sex abuse scandals. He’s said he might come back, but I don’t know what his conditions are.



I still don’t think I’m on the spectrum though. I have no issues getting along with people. People always say I’m very friendly too. :shrug:

Here’s another question: Are third orders vocations? I personally am against taking vows because I am extremely forgetful. :blush:


Hi Melodeonist

Since this is an online forum, we are certainly NOT trying to diagnose you with ANYTHING. However, I have read many of your posts which to me strongly suggest being on the spectrum, not just your feelings about sexuality, but your passion for your personal interests, and more than anything, you mentioning your cognitive difficulties.

(I am in the health field and serve many people with ASD).

Best of luck, and prayers for you!


Cognitive difficulties? :confused:

My only mental issue is my memory is quite poor. :sad_yes:


This post (please see below) suggests the type of cognitive issues that individuals with ASD (autism spectrum disorders) commonly have. These types of difficulties are sometimes referred to as “executive function.”


It could also be ADHD. Nicotine has been found to reduce ADHD’s symptoms, although I don’t think I am hyper.

My problem is my memory and that I have trouble comprehending books.


yes, third orders are vocations

what about becoming a permanent deacon? that could also be an option


I cannot diagnose you, I can only speculate. But in your posts you have described a variety of issues that suggest ASD. Always wanting to do what is “right” is among them.

But because you have inquired about your various issues here at CAF, I would truly suggest being tested and receiving the appropriate professional advice, which could make your life so much easier.

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