Single women and wedding dresses


#1

Ok, this thread is semi serious so hopefully it will not get too heated.

I was having coffee after church yesterday with a lady from the church. I would guess she is in her late 50's. She has never been married nor had children.

She kept talking about her grandchildren. She saw the puzzled look on my face and said 'they are adopted'. I take that to mean that she knows a woman with young kids and loves to spend time with them so she just uses that terminology. I found that a bit odd. I have spent a lot of time with friend's kids but I would call them what they were 'My friend so so's daughter'

Then, we were talking about pedicures and she started to tell me about her ex boyfriend who use to massage her feet and how much she loved it. I found that a bit creepy. As a teeanger we use to talk about the way a guy held us when we danced but by my 20's I out grew discussing those kind of details.

Then as we walk walking back to her car, we went buy a birdal shop. She stopped and looked at the dress and said 'I always wanted to try one of those on'. I asked her why to which she replied 'You see all these shows on TV about how brides can never find a dress because they are all so uncomfortable. I want to know what they are talking about and what it feels like to be in an uncomfortable wedding dress.' I felt like weird. I have tored on a lot of pants, tops, blouses, skirts, dresses and undergarments over the years while shopping. Doesn't everyone know what it is to be uncomfortable in an article of clothing?

I am a single 41 year old woman. I always vowed I would accept my status and follow God's will and not turn into one of those desperate spinters that either have a chip on their shoulder or would do anything to secure a man.

Her behaviour actually humilitated me. I was ashamed to be seen in public with her.

So my questions is: Is her behaviour normal. I am weird because trying on a wedding dress has never been one of the things on my 'To do before I die list'???

CM


#2

I don't get how being embarrassed to be in public with someone can be construed as semi humorous.

But judging from your several threads about your various friends, they are either a moderately odd crew or you're fairly critical of them. Or both.


#3

Lol, I don't find anything wrong or weird about what this woman said! She seems like a warm, candid, child-like person... but I can only base that on what you reported here about her.

If you find her strange for your liking, then just get another friend, I guess...


#4

[quote="monicatholic, post:2, topic:250487"]
I don't get how being embarrassed to be in public with someone can be construed as semi humorous.

But judging from your several threads about your various friends, they are either a moderately odd crew or you're fairly critical of them. Or both.

[/quote]

It was not to be semi humorous it was to be semi serious in the sense that I wasn't planning on loosing sleep over it. And I definetly did not want this to turn into a heated argument about wedding dresses

CM


#5

Hi!

My friend has a toddler and my friend always refers to me as "Aunt Kim". She knows I have no children or no neices/nephews--and I am also very close to him. I lots of times I joke that he is my adoped nephew. So maybe she is in a sitaution where the kids are close to her--so she refers to them as her grandchildren??

As far as trying on a wedding dresses--I am single and never had that thought myself. However, I don't really find anything wrong with it. There is no harm in trying on a dress.

It sounds to me like she misses not having children and not getting married. It doesn't make you weird that you don't feel the same way about the dress but it is perfectly ok for her to want to try on a wedding dress.


#6

I don't think you're weird that you don't want to try on wedding dresses. BUT at the same time, I don't see anything weird about your friend either wanting to try on one of the dresses. She just wants to see what the fuss is all about. I can understand that. I watch those shows as well and I even get the urge to go out dress shopping again and I've been married for over 13 years.

She sounds like a lot of fun actually.


#7

[quote="catholicgirl08, post:5, topic:250487"]
Hi!

My friend has a toddler and my friend always refer to me as "Aunt Kim". She knows I have no children or no neices/nephews--and I am also very close to him. I lots of times I joke that he is my adoped nephew. So maybe she is in a sitaution where the kids are close to her--so she refers to them as her grandchildren??

.

[/quote]

Well, I can remember calling my mom's close friends 'Aunt' because my mom and them felt MRs was too formal but they still wanted to teach me manners and not refer to adults by their first name so I get that.

I am sure she is close to these kids by the way she thinks. To be honest, I guess it was bringing back more of the pain I felt when my friends kids grew up. I was no longer cool and being seen with me was a humiliation (all kids go through that). But the parents never felt that their kids owed me anything and that is when I looked back and wonder was I a good friend or a free babysitter

CM


#8

Hi!

Oh--well I understand how you feel. My friend is always hinting for me to babysit. I can't really though because I don't live close to her anyways. I am kind of glad about that as I don't find babysitting to be a fun job! lol

Anyway, I am sure you were a good friend and not just a free babysitter. Try not to think that way--you were there for your friend when she needed you to be--that's important. :)

[quote="cmscms, post:7, topic:250487"]

I am sure she is close to these kids by the way she thinks. To be honest, I guess it was bringing back more of the pain I felt when my friends kids grew up. I was no longer cool and being seen with me was a humiliation (all kids go through that). But the parents never felt that their kids owed me anything and that is when I looked back and wonder was I a good friend or a free babysitter

CM

[/quote]


#9

[quote="cmscms, post:7, topic:250487"]
Well, I can remember calling my mom's close friends 'Aunt' because my mom and them felt MRs was too formal but they still wanted to teach me manners and not refer to adults by their first name so I get that.

I am sure she is close to these kids by the way she thinks. To be honest, I guess it was bringing back more of the pain I felt when my friends kids grew up. I was no longer cool and being seen with me was a humiliation (all kids go through that). But the parents never felt that their kids owed me anything and that is when I looked back and wonder was I a good friend or a free babysitter

CM

[/quote]

What exactly did you think the kids owed you? There is no guarantee when kids grow up, they will be close to even their own parents, let alone an adult they knew when they were a child.


#10

[quote="PatriceA, post:9, topic:250487"]
What exactly did you think the kids owed you? There is no guarantee when kids grow up, they will be close to even their own parents, let alone an adult they knew when they were a child.

[/quote]

I guess I was semi hoping I could be a good example and someone whose shoulder they could cry on. I didn't have that as a teen and I was hoping I could be that for them.

And I totally understand that there are no guarantees. That is why when the kids started to want to spend less time near me, I tried my best not to complain and allow them their choice to grow up. I tried to keep my hurt to myself so as to not make them feel guilty. I did the best I could

CM


#11

[quote="kristleful, post:3, topic:250487"]
Lol, I don't find anything wrong or weird about what this woman said! She seems like a warm, candid, child-like person... but I can only base that on what you reported here about her.

If you find her strange for your liking, then just get another friend, I guess...

[/quote]

I agree with this post entirely. Based on what you described she seems very lovely and outgoing. I think maybe it made you uncomfortable because you are trying hard not to feel the feelings she herself admitted to. Just a guess.

But if it makes you uncomfortable just don't hang out with her I guess.


#12

Well, I know this isn't "Can you top this?" but I think you'll get a kick out of the story I have:

When I got married I was in my late thirties, and thought I would look ridiculous in a traditional wedding gown. I lived in New York at the time, and was a corps dancer for NY City Ballet, thus very used to dressing in strange and uncomfortable costumes. I didn't want to wear another costume. I wanted something that would be more age appropriate than the "here comes the bride" dress. Like maybe a mother of the bride type suit with a jacket (the wedding was in mid January.) I asked my closest friend, who was an instructor at one of the colleges, to be my maid of honor. She was in her early thirties, and wasn't dating anyone at the time.

We went to a bridal salon, and I headed over to the "mother" dresses. And my friend decided she wanted to try on a full-regalia wedding gown. She did.

After the try-on appointment, she went back and purchased it. Plus, I was pretty shocked to find out that this wasn't her first purchase of a wedding gown: Another one already hung in her closet!

With the prices of such dresses, yeah, I do think it's a little weird to buy one without a wedding date or even a potential groom in the picture. Additionally, your friend is going into a shop and trying on dresses with the assistance of a fitter: It isn't like going to a dress shop or a department store and independently trying on clothes. These fitter/salespeople get paid partially on a commission basis. I don't think it's very fair to be using their time without intending to purchase something.

Speaking of crazy things that women like to try on, I had a regular pointe shoe fitter at the Freed store in Long Island City. One of my bunions was getting worse, and I went to get re-fitted for shoes. Because I was a professional, I used to buy them in large quantities and got a discount (plus a shoe allowance from my company.)

On this one particular occasion, I was once again trying on a pair of pointe shoes and in walked a young woman in her twenties along with her mother. She wasn't a dancer, or even a ballet student. She was a bride-to-be, and told the saleswoman that she wanted a pair of pointe shoes for her wedding ensemble. The saleswoman looked mildly horrified.

A couple of other dancers were getting fitted, and we decided to watch the fun. These shoes aren't made for walking, or doing much of anything other than classical ballet. They're uncomfortable enough for dancers, and ten times worse for those who don't know what they are and how they're used. One of my students told me that the first time she put on pointe shoes, she didn't feel like a ballerina: She felt like an arthritic drunk. They're not durable, either. They last a professional one performance (maybe) before they lose their support and start to fall apart (students get more mileage out of them, maybe a month worth of classes three times a week.) They would not withstand the rigors of a church ceremony, picture taking outside on the ground, and then a wedding reception. The saleswoman tried to explain this. So did the three of us, and even showed her our blistered and callused, ballet-scarred feet to try to dissuade her. But no, bride to be wanted them. And Mamma chimed in, too. The saleswoman sighed, indicated to the young girl to have a seat and take her shoes off, measured her feet, and went and got a few pairs. She put a pair of them on bride to be's feet. The look of shock and pain on the girl's face was priceless. Then the saleswoman told her to stand up and walk a few feet in them. The poor girl hobbled about ten feet, turned, went back to her chair very gingerly, took them off, and she and Mamma nearly ran out of the store, hopefully in pursuit of something more suitable for her needs and her feet. That would have been anything!

And we three dancers nearly collapsed in laughter!

My old friend never did marry by the time I left NY back in '06. We've lost contact since I retired, and I never knew what became of her two very expensive wedding gowns. I hope if she sold them, she didn't lose too much money in the process.


#13

[quote="odile53, post:12, topic:250487"]

With the prices of such dresses, yeah, I do think it's a little weird to buy one without a wedding date or even a potential groom in the picture. Additionally, your friend is going into a shop and trying on dresses with the assistance of a fitter: It isn't like going to a dress shop or a department store and independently trying on clothes. These fitter/salespeople get paid partially on a commission basis. I don't think it's very fair to be using their time without intending to purchase something.

[/quote]

Depends on the bridal store in question. Some are just like a dress shop and others, the more expensive ones, require appointment ahead of time. I went to both types when I was shopping for my dress. Both stores admitted they had women that came in to just try on dresses that had no groom or weren't even engaged. They are fully aware that there are women that just want to try on a wedding gown. The one woman said they hope that if they provide a enjoyable experience that the customer (or non-customer) would recommend the store to any of their friends getting married. They looked at it as they were paving the way for future customers.


#14

I just want to add that I only posted about the wedding dress/grandkid thing because I did not want to write volumes but there were other things that happened at coffee that rubbed me the wrong way.

For example, when she shared that she couldn't wear pantie hose because they hurt her, I didn't bat an eye lash and respect what she said. When I said I didn't wear dress pants because I found them uncomfortable, she drilled me with questions as to why and rolled her eyes at each of my answers and told me to learn how to shop. I have limited time and would just prefer to buy a skirt than to spend hours looking for a pair of dress pants.

Personally, I resent the media telling people they need this product and that product to be happy. And since playing dress up and trying on fancy gowns was never anything I ever found amusing (not even as a kid), perhaps it is just something we don't have in common.

CM


#15

[quote="PatriceA, post:6, topic:250487"]
I don't think you're weird that you don't want to try on wedding dresses. BUT at the same time, I don't see anything weird about your friend either wanting to try on one of the dresses. She just wants to see what the fuss is all about. I can understand that. I watch those shows as well and I even get the urge to go out dress shopping again and I've been married for over 13 years.

She sounds like a lot of fun actually.

[/quote]

I agree. I never would have tried anything on without being engaged, but it sure is fun. Some people enjoy it and look forward to it, and others don't. No big deal. One of my bridesmaids is having a great time dress shopping with me, and making mental notes of what she likes for the future, and the other one is bored to death with the entire process. Trying on pretty dresses and being doted on isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you if you think it would be fun. I also don't think it makes her "desperate".


#16

[quote="monicatholic, post:2, topic:250487"]
I don't get how being embarrassed to be in public with someone can be construed as semi humorous.

But judging from your several threads about your various friends, they are either a moderately odd crew or you're fairly critical of them. Or both.

[/quote]

:yup:

cmscms, don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever read anything about asperger's syndrome? I have several friends who have it and every time I read one of your posts you remind me very strongly of them.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_syndrome

There was an article in my local paper a fews years back about a man who didn't find out he had it until he was in his 40s, and he felt so much better when he did because everything in his life (like difficulty finding and keeping friends, which is what nearly all your posts are always about) was finally explained. He was able to start improving his life by working with the disorder rather than against it.


#17

[quote="PatriceA, post:6, topic:250487"]
I don't think you're weird that you don't want to try on wedding dresses. BUT at the same time, I don't see anything weird about your friend either wanting to try on one of the dresses. She just wants to see what the fuss is all about. I can understand that. I watch those shows as well and I even get the urge to go out dress shopping again and I've been married for over 13 years.

She sounds like a lot of fun actually.

[/quote]

Gosh me too, I love wedding dresses, I always have from about 38 years ago when I was a flower girl, and we would go to the bride's fittings together. I always drew wedding gowns when I sketched things.....

Actually, a woman who has never been married might feel the occassional sadness about never having been married, and thinking about trying on a wedding dress is nothing odd.

So what that she voiced her opinion? She didn't say anything immoral.


#18

[quote="cmscms, post:1, topic:250487"]
Ok, this thread is semi serious so hopefully it will not get too heated.

I was having coffee after church yesterday with a lady from the church. I would guess she is in her late 50's. She has never been married nor had children.

She kept talking about her grandchildren. She saw the puzzled look on my face and said 'they are adopted'. I take that to mean that she knows a woman with young kids and loves to spend time with them so she just uses that terminology. I found that a bit odd. I have spent a lot of time with friend's kids but I would call them what they were 'My friend so so's daughter'

Then, we were talking about pedicures and she started to tell me about her ex boyfriend who use to massage her feet and how much she loved it. I found that a bit creepy. As a teeanger we use to talk about the way a guy held us when we danced but by my 20's I out grew discussing those kind of details.

Then as we walk walking back to her car, we went buy a birdal shop. She stopped and looked at the dress and said 'I always wanted to try one of those on'. I asked her why to which she replied 'You see all these shows on TV about how brides can never find a dress because they are all so uncomfortable. I want to know what they are talking about and what it feels like to be in an uncomfortable wedding dress.' I felt like weird. I have tored on a lot of pants, tops, blouses, skirts, dresses and undergarments over the years while shopping. Doesn't everyone know what it is to be uncomfortable in an article of clothing?

I am a single 41 year old woman. I always vowed I would accept my status and follow God's will and not turn into one of those desperate spinters that either have a chip on their shoulder or would do anything to secure a man.

Her behaviour actually humilitated me. I was ashamed to be seen in public with her.

So my questions is: Is her behaviour normal. I am weird because trying on a wedding dress has never been one of the things on my 'To do before I die list'???

CM

[/quote]

Maybe your a bit too critical?:shrug:
She possibly just thought it would be fun to try on wedding dresses and feel pretty or something?


#19

[quote="Mary_Gail_36, post:17, topic:250487"]
Gosh me too, I love wedding dresses, I always have from about 38 years ago when I was a flower girl, and we would go to the bride's fittings together. I always drew wedding gowns when I sketched things.....

Actually, a woman who has never been married might feel the occassional sadness about never having been married, and thinking about trying on a wedding dress is nothing odd.

So what that she voiced her opinion? She didn't say anything immora l.

[/quote]

Although the friend sounds like a fun lady to me I'll admit that I so don't understand. I couldn't even be bothered to go try on dresses for my own wedding. MIL showed me a pattern book and said 'what about this one?" "OK, looks fine by me." She made it, I had some interest in the fabric. It was difficult just to go get a 'going away' outfit and I picked the first thing that fit.

To explain, I loathe shopping for clothes. To me that's akin to torture. Wedding dresses? "OK, OK, I'll talk, what super secret do you want to know????"

Send me to a hardware store for tools and I can browse all day; a stationery store, again, all day browsing. A clothing store? "PLEAASE get me out of here!" To each her own I guess. :D


#20

I've always wondered what I would have looked like in a wedding dress. I wouldn't go into a store now and try them on. I'm just an old bird and it wouldn't be the same. (Me in one of those strapless, mermaid styles?-that would break the mirror!)

I guess there's no sense in contemplating things that were never meant to be.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.