Sins against chastity, a loss of virginity?


Do sins against chastity destroy ones virginity? Sins such as heavy petting/groping, passionate kissing and touching (below belt) and masturbation. Do these actions constitute a loss of virginity?

Someone I know talked to me about her sadness and grief over things that she did with her fiancé. (She is ok with me posting about this as I am not naming her.) They engaged in the above activities and through Gods grace, both her and her fiancé repented and went to confession and ceased all sexual activity. They have abstained from even kissing and have remained chaste since. She is worried and grieved that her virginity has been lost, even though they never engaged in full intercourse (male to female penetration). What do you guys think? Has virginity been lost?

(And please be charitable in your responses, she is following this post)


They never engaged in oral sex


She should talk to her priest then


I always interpret virginity to mean never having had sexual intercourse. So I would call her still a virgin, not that it really matters.


That’s my perspective on it too. They messed around, definitely sinned against chastity by impurely engaging in “foreplay like” activities (her words), but never went all the way. And they’ve observed chastity since.


I’d say she’s still a virgin, but it’s not like that distinction actually means anything.


Virginity does mean something. You have saved your life for your future spouse which is an awesome thing and God highly approves. :slight_smile:

Beyond that, we are all sinners and we all struggle with our sinfulness just in different areas. We all need to go to confession to to get things resolved and God welcomes each one of us back in the fold no matter what our sin is/was. Remember there is much rejoicing over one sinner who has repented than 99 others who have no need of repentance. At that point, it doesn’t matter what kind of sin it was only that you have repented and are “spotless” again. :slight_smile:

Visit with your priest you won’t believe what a freeing experience it will be.


No. Keeping it in perspective, marriage is an act of love which involves the spouses giving themselves fully to each other. By fully, we don’t mean just your whole body, but your whole self, your whole life, without reservation. That someone who talked to you has given a tiny bit of herself. The acts of physical intimacy which she regrets may seem like a lot right now, but later she will see that there is so much greater intimacy and pleasure and joy in marriage. She and her fiancé should not look back and worry, but look ahead and rejoice!


I think it’s pretty clear what violates virginity is intercourse.
I’d consider her a virgin. However, it’s important maybe to her to separate the loss of innocence with the loss of virginity. She could mourn the loss of innocence while still being a virgin. I’m not sure why at this point it is do troubling. It’s been repented of and dignity restored.


Virginity, absent the virtue of chastity, is just a number (zero). Loss of virginity is distinct from loss of sexual innocence.

For her virginity to be fruitful going forward, she and her fiance must embrace chastity. It sounds as though they are on that path!


This is a topic for her and her priest. And her fiancé.


It depends on how virginity is defined. But masturbation, married or unmarried, consummated or unconsummated, accompanied by emotional love or not, is categorized as Onanism. It is absolutely wicked. It is a mortal sin that is worse than sexual intercourse before marriage, so whether virginity is maintained is the far less important question. Whether a mortal sin was committed is the true question that should be considered.


The guy said they went to confession, are living chastely, and never said anything about them engaging in masturbation.


She infringed upon her chastity but not her celibacy.

She is a virgin still


Those kinds of situations are how a lot of young people get to the point of no control and cross the line. I am so glad they went to Confession and that they are living chaste now because it could have been a very different story with very different consequences had they continued down that path. It isn’t easy to cease doing these kinds of things once they’ve started so it’s by God’s grace that they can stay chaste until their marriage. They won’t regret it. She’s not alone. Has happened to many engaged couples and of course many non engaged couples as well. But they’ve changed the course of their time together before their marriage and they will be happy they did.


I was replying to the original post which said:

“touching (below belt) and masturbation.”

The original poster was questioning whether this was a loss of virginity. I said the more important question is whether or not this was a mortal sin. Whether virginity is maintained is unimportant. The key is that masturbation is objectively a mortal sin, for which God judges our culpability. The important point is that we should flee from any mortal sin whatsoever!


Modern Catholic Dictionary, Virginity

The state of bodily integrity in either sex. This integrity may be physical or moral, and either factual or intentional. Physical virginity is sometimes defined as the absence of any sinfully experienced lustful sensation. But, strictly speaking, a person is physically a virgin unless he or she has had sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex. Moral virginity means the absence of any willful consent to venereal pleasure; again, strictly speaking, with a person of the opposite sex. Virginity is factual when, de facto, a person has not in the past sought or indulged in sexual pleasure; it is intentional when a person intends never to experience such pleasure, according to the previous distinctions made. (Etym. Latin virgo, maiden, virgin.)

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