[quote="m_crane, post:12, topic:230320"]
I tried this approach a few times in the past, really I have. I know this may be hard to believe but they really don't want to chat with me (unless there's is some gossip to be had)
As a matter of fact just yesterday the MIL called me. It was my 50th birthday. I was suprised but happy and began to chat a little. She actually cut me off and said she didn't want to keep me. I got the feeling she felt obligated to call. I am grateful that she called but I wish it was she really wanted to talk to me. She sends me a card on my birthday "to someone special" Don't they sell daughter-in-law cards? Again, I'm grateful but I'd like to be acknowleged as her daughter-in-law just once, Her phone call yesterday is partly why this is on my mind again.
I just feel so exhausted tryng to communicate with them in a loving way. They gossip behind my back, judge me, ignore me, act jealous and suspicious toward me. It's exhausting, Why can't we just get along?
Are you my twin?? did we marry in the same family? ?? this sounds all toooooo familiar.
I did the make nice, I did the pretend I don't notice and keep chatting, I did the reaching out, I waited for other sister-in-laws to enter the family thinking I'd have a kinship with them...nope, nadda, nothing. I'm still the outcast. My gaurd is always up when I am around them.
If I dwell on it, it hurts. If my hubbie brings up the idea of us making more of an effort to seem them more often because they're getting older, it really hurts. I remain open to a normal relationship, but it takes two to tango. Just because they are getting older and won't be on the earth for many more years, doesn't mean our relationship magically repairs itself.
I keep them in my prayers, and I ask the saints to pray for me! I have found that I cannot chat with them too much. Anything I say is turned into gossip. If you walk into a conversation that is about you a couple of times, you learn quickly to keep your mouth shut. I am friendly as I would be to anyone in my parish or in my neighborhood. I love them as God shows us how to love, but I am not family.
Now that your kids are grown m crane, I bet it feels more empty as there really isn't any reason for them to talk to you. I'm starting to see this happen with my oldest. He is developing an independent relationship with my in-laws. When he tells me about them, it's hard not to be sad. I have to let him enjoy that part of his family, but I do NOT hide what they have done to me. He's noticed how little I talk to anyone when at the in-laws, and now he knows why, but I try not to keep him away from them. He can make his own judgements.