Sister just broke up with her loser boy-friend, should I feel bad?


#1

My sister just walked through the door crying her eyes out, when she calmed down a bit she said that she and her (now ex-)boyfriend had a big fight and that they where breaking up. While I felt bad for her suffering and loss, I am jubilated to find that she is rid of her pot smoking, 24/7 video games, collage-less, alcoholic, boyfriend. Am I a bad person to be doing the jig behind her back?


#2

[quote="Linkthemissing, post:1, topic:223246"]
My sister just walked through the door crying her eyes out, when she calmed down a bit she said that she and her (now ex-)boyfriend had a big fight and that they where breaking up. While I felt bad for her suffering and loss, I am jubilated to find that she is rid of her pot smoking, 24/7 video games, collage-less, alcoholic, boyfriend. Am I a bad person to be doing the jig behind her back?

[/quote]

Whoa .... that's a hard one.

:popcorn:

But if you need a partner, I love to dance :dancing:


#3

While you may not have liked her BF, she obviously did and she feels sad. I would try to comfort her and not by criticizing the BF right now. Just help her deal with her pain. Soon you can then point out all the things that were wrong with the relationship.

As an aside, there is nothing wrong with being "college-less." Do you know not everyone is college material and also there are plenty of professions where people do not need college and can make a heck of a lot more money that those with degrees? Yes, going to college is an advantage and a good idea, but that does not make or break a person.


#4

[quote="Linkthemissing, post:1, topic:223246"]
My sister just walked through the door crying her eyes out, when she calmed down a bit she said that she and her (now ex-)boyfriend had a big fight and that they where breaking up. While I felt bad for her suffering and loss, I am jubilated to find that she is rid of her pot smoking, 24/7 video games, collage-less, alcoholic, boyfriend. Am I a bad person to be doing the jig behind her back?

[/quote]

If they were having sex, she has bonded physically with that guy and breaking up is going to be very painful. the emotional and physical bond can drive her back to him. Don't be smug and don't be happy. Talk to her gently, let her talk to you about all the great stuff he did, etc. but always gently remind her of why they broke up (I hope she has some reasons of her own). Give her time. I hope she doesn't jump from one bed to another, IF they've been sexual. It happens a lot.

My 17 year old son's GF broke up with him 2 months ago. It was so hard on him. I can't help but be so relieved we aren't going through the drama now, during Christmas break with his grandparents here from England. He'd be wanting to spend every free minute with her. As it is, he's damaged inside but at least he is with us instead of with her. I tried to warn him but he's stubborn.


#5

[quote="Linkthemissing, post:1, topic:223246"]
My sister just walked through the door crying her eyes out, when she calmed down a bit she said that she and her (now ex-)boyfriend had a big fight and that they where breaking up. While I felt bad for her suffering and loss, I am jubilated to find that she is rid of her pot smoking, 24/7 video games, collage-less, alcoholic, boyfriend. Am I a bad person to be doing the jig behind her back?

[/quote]

No you are not a bad person for "doing a jig behind her back", but then again neither are you "perfect as as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Mt 5:48)

The first thing to do is to calm her, comfort her and listen as she pours out her hurt. Be totally support ive of her. The second thing to do is to watch out for signs that she might be thinking of making up with this person. At that point you would need to be prepared to provide council to her advising against such.

She cannot help this fellow by being with him and permitting and supporting such poor behavior on his part. These are issues he must work for himself and out on his own before he would become a fit consort for your sister. The most loving thing you and your sister can do for him, in addition to prayer of course, is to have nothing to do with him until he straightens himself out.

By the way, I agree with Joannm that college-less is not a fault. I've know many fine people who did not go to college and many college educated jerks.

Peace
James


#6

Be glad that she is free,
sympathetic that she is sad,
but praying very much that she makes a wholesome choice next time.


#7

You should be rejoicing...silently. Offer your support to her and let her know that God has much better plans for her! :)


#8

Of course you should be glad that a dangerous/damaging relationship is, hopefully ending. Some young women let their emotions override their common-sense, it would not be surprising if she made up with him. Don't criticize him or bad mouth him, depending on the person, some will want the 'forbidden fruit'. She may have even been attracted to the damaged soul I can fix aspect of it.

Also, some people tend to keep finding the same type person, even after a disastrous relationship. They don't learn what was wrong about it so they keep repeating it. (Line from a country western song- if you've been married 5 times, maybe it's you). So, just because she dumps this one doesn't mean she won't find someone similar.

What you can do, is listen to her- and without criticizing, try to ask the occasional probing/leading question to get HER to think about what was wrong/right about the relationship. What she should be looking for in the future.


#9

Agreed.


#10

[quote="Linkthemissing, post:1, topic:223246"]
My sister just walked through the door crying her eyes out, when she calmed down a bit she said that she and her (now ex-)boyfriend had a big fight and that they where breaking up. While I felt bad for her suffering and loss, I am jubilated to find that she is rid of her pot smoking, 24/7 video games, collage-less, alcoholic, boyfriend. Am I a bad person to be doing the jig behind her back?

[/quote]

The boyfriend was no good.

The problem is feminism. Feminism tells girls to be extremely independent. Independence is a good thing. However, women tend to view independence as rebelling against the people closest to them. Women influenced by feminism normally do the opposite of what their father, mother and brothers advise them to do as far as dating. They dont even listen to their own friends because this does not fit the mold of an independent women.

The second part of feminism is the 19th century feminist belief that women are superior to men in many ways particularly morally. The 19th century feminists believed that women needed to be the moderating factor for the uncivilized man. That is a big reason why women go for men with problems that are no good.


#11

I would save the celebrating until you are sure that stay broke up. He may just wake up and realize what happened and get her (willingly) back.


#12

No, you're not a bad person for doing the jig behind her back, I understand how relieved you must feel right now. One thing to remember here is that she is your sister, and she will always be. It's difficult to go through a break up, regardless of the circumstances. Go ahead and be her shoulder to cry on right now. If she starts telling you that she's thinking of getting back together with him later on, that is the time to gently advise against it.


#13

Help her work through her pain and maybe pick her up the book available on this site - Catholic woman’s guide to picking a good husband - or something like that. :stuck_out_tongue: No, you are not a bad person just imperfect like the rest of us. :wink:


#14

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