Sister's fiance is thinking of leaving her


#1

I am too stunned and upset to tell you all about the entire situation. So for now, please could you offer up some prayers for their situation and for me because I am going to be having a talk with him soon…thanks.


Malia


#2

I will pray for a good resolution. However it is better that they separate before they are married, unless children are involved. Peace be with all of you.


#3

May Our Lady guide them in their choices and may you be strengthed by the gifts of the Holy Spirit, received at your confirmation, before you undertake to speak with him.


#4

Prayers here - my best bit of advice, hug and love and comfort, but, let them work it out themselves.


#5

I will pray for you and your sister. I know how you feel. My sister’s fiance called of their wedding just a month before the wedding. I took it very hard. I just hurt so much for her. She took it relatively well though, and now, 14 years later she would say it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She took some time to think about where she was headed in life and where she really wanted to be. Now she is married to a wonderful husband, has two great kids, and is so much happier than she would have been with her original fiance. Her husband truly appreciates her, I mean all of the quirks that make her her. Her fiance really wanted her to be someone else. I think sometimes these upsetting moments, when our plans seem to fall apart before our very eyes, are really ultimately for the best. I do hope that will be the case for your sister.


#6

Please don’t put any pressure on him. You don’t know nullity and civil divorce later. If he is to marry your sister, it must be of his own will. Not only does a shotgun father make an invalid marriage, but even a nagging mother can. Pressure is an enemy of free will.

On the other hand, you can certainly talk him out of a stupid idea to leave her for some bizarre reason. Then again, if it were your own fiance and he wanted to leave you for a bizarre reason, would you still consider him the man you want to marry?

It surely hurt to be left. It does. I’ve been there recently. She wasn’t a fiancee because there had been no engagement yet, but we surely had plans and expectations and it was understood that we were going towards marriage. Then poof. It was 2nd Feb., maybe God was telling me something. In your sister’s case, it doesn’t have to be for the worse if he leaves.

There’s that old saying, “if you love it, let it go; if it loves you, it will come back, if it doesn’t come back, you never had it,” or something like this.


#7

No pressure from me. He just wants help sorting through some feelings and advice since hubby and I haven’t had the easiest marriage.


** Plus, he was in Afghanistan recently and has a new appreciation for life but also a changed perspective and possibly PTSD.**


** He is looking for support from the people who know my sister the best (me and my mom) because he loves her very much and doesn’t want to leave, he is just having a hard time dealing with certain aspects of their relationship.**


malia


#8

I have been there also still trying to figure it all out, had the plans made, anullment ratified,attended the classes and the silly pre marriage weekends, then almost a year after last classes we are not together except as best friends,

wasnt my idea either, if had my way we would be together forever,I ask God for help at least 5 times a day.sometimes i think he still trying to get us back together, other times I feel abandoned to rot alone the rest of my life…

If love is there,on both sides and its something stupid separating them Please get them talking communication is key to everything
like another poster has stated you cannot pressure them but you can help them by not taking sides except the side of love and respect for both, the side of a true sacramental union.

I will add you all into my prayers when i am bothering God most of my waking day I truely wish you all hope and luck with this that it turns out for the best with all concerned

I also pray none of you have to go thru what i have been going thru the past few months its pure hell for me…


#9

If he is suffering from PTSD, I would imagine he would need some space. Calling off a wedding date is not the same thing as calling off a relationship. Perhaps he could better work on the issues he needs to deal with without the pressure of a wedding date.


#10

Something to consider when you pray is that God is never going to take away someone’s free in order to answer your prayers. The woman that you were engaged to is making her decisions based on her own free will. What she decides may or may not be according to God’s will. Hopefully that is something that she is trying to discern.

One thing that you can be assured of, and that is that God has never and will never abandon you. Even if you aren’t able to feel him at this moment, please know that he is there with you. You will never be truly alone unless you choose to be bitter and turn your back on God and those in your life.


#11

If it were me, now would be better than AFTER the wedding.

Kathy


#12

I very much understand that as well


#13

That guy might be a keeper, actually. It was very reasonable and prudent of him to call off the wedding date in that case. I had the impression he was leaving her rather than sorting things out.

It’s great that he understands wedding is no medicine for problems in their relationship. Ermm… all right, this sounds theologically wrong, given it’s a sacrament with tons of grace attached. But still, it’s good he understands it’s a bad idea to push the wedding amidst problems in the relationship. Wise guy, at least in that respect. Perhaps you need to address those aspects with him in a friendly way. Doubt therapy or moral guidance is what he needs.

It must be hard on your sister. I can relate. I’ll spare you the long story, but I’ve had something similar recently, suffice to say, as well as a history with people needing space. Hope it will work out either with him or with whomever else it will be, without needless suffering.


#14

**If I could trouble you all to pray for my mom please…she has not taken this sudden news very well and is really upset. She is crying almost every time I speak to her. She is so worried for my sister. I won’t go into details, but we are worried that if and when my sis finds out that things aren’t the way they seem that she could get very self destructive. Pray for her too…please.

Malia
**


#15

I agree with this post. If he is feeling shakey right now, then let him get his peace. This does not sound like it is about your sister, it sounds like it is about the best interest of her fiancé. Isn’t true love about what’s best for the other person?

Forcing him into proceeding with the wedding may not be in the best interest for him. While you love your sister - please consider him as well. Who knows Gods will in all of this?


#16

As my son once remarked after a bad session in the video game parlor: “This game sucks! I want my quarter back.”

Dr. Scott Peck nailed it. Life is difficult.

Matthew


#17

yes it definatly sucks


#18

**
I don’t know where the idea that he would be forced or pressured into marrying her came from:confused:. At this point he is making the decision to not tell my sister what he has been thinking and to proceed with wedding plans. My mom and I are trying to talk with him so that he makes the decision that’s best for him as well as my sister.

My sister is a difficult person. He knows this and has put up with her quirks for over 6 years. But now with possible PTSD he is not as patient or tolerant. He loves her and just wants to make this work. He wants to marry her.

My objective self knows that they should postpone the wedding. But I cannot make them do anything. And my emotional side is wanting to put it’s head in the sand and just hope it all works out. Either way it’s not my relationship or my life so I don’t have any power. They have free will and I am just doing my best to be supportive and offer any advice that may be useful.

I really would just appreciate some prayers for them as a couple and as individuals and for my mom who has so much going on in her life right now that this is totally overwhelming. I am the only Catholic from my original family and they are not religious at all. It pains me so much to see them struggling with no faith. They seem so lost.

Malia
**


#19

I have to agree with some of the other posters. Better now than later.

I know in my younger years, a couple relationships ended against my wishes and it turned out for the better. :slight_smile:


#20

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