I’ve asked a few different people about this and have received a few different answers, so I’ve decided to turn it over to you, gentle readers.
For the past year, I’d been working in my Catholic Campus Ministry as a committee co-chair with a pretty fantastic guy, who I’ve known for about 2 years now. Pretty fantastic guy (PFG) is exactly what he sounds like - funny, athletic, incredibly smart, and off the charts holy (and cute, too!). Since we were co-chairs and had a lot of planning and work to do together for CCM, I’d put him on an off-limits list in my mind.
Here’s where it gets sticky. My sister (she’s 18, almost 19, while PFG and I are 22) goes to the same school and has had a crush on PFG since she met him. It was incredibly obvious and everyone, including PFG himself, knew about it. She knew that nothing would come from it, but she still got attached.
PFG had been on a 3 year dating fast and at the end of last year he had mentioned that he was going to go off it in May. Of course, that sparked interesting conversation because ending a dating fast kind of requires another person. PFG refused to share who this person was, so the topic was dropped and forgotten until about a month and a half ago. I tried getting him to tell me who it was so I could perhaps offer advice, since I know him pretty darn well, so after he schooled me in a game of chess, he told me that he would either tell me at the end of the first week of May or when I beat him in a game of chess.
I didn’t beat PFG, but I came pretty darn close, so he compromised and told me who it was last Sunday.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s me. It’s ok if you didn’t, I didn’t see it coming till the very end either.
So, obviously, the sister isn’t very happy with this. I’m praying about the situation purely between PFG and I right now so I can discern God’s will on this. Truthfully, I’d be a fool to turn him down and I trust his decision because he’s prayed about it for, oh, a year. However, I’d be a fool to say yes because of my sister’s feelings.
So far, the advice I’ve gotten is anywhere from I should say no because PFG knew about my sister’s crush on him to I should say yes because she needs to get over it. I feel like in both cases, someone’s being selfish. If I say yes, I’m being selfish because I’d be going out with someone my sister has liked for a while and it would be a slap in the face/kick in the stomach/just plain awkward for her to see us together, but if I say no, my sister is being selfish because she’s intruding on a relationship that could possibly work for a very long time because her own feelings for a man that she knew she couldn’t ever date (I’m not saying PFG is out of her league - I think he’s out of MINE - but she knows that he doesn’t reciprocate, and I think she knows that very well now).
So…my life is a soap opera. There were a few other details that made it more complex at first, but those have been resolved and all that’s left is this whopper of a dilemma. Any and all advice is appreciated, and I’m impressed if you’ve read this far because goodness it’s longer than I thought.