Snubbed while holding hands during the Our Father at Mass Today

Today someone did not want to hold hands with me during the Our Father (but held hands with someone else) as Mass and It made me feel terrible.

During the 5:30 Saturday Mass at Church I got there early to go to confession becuase I had not been to confession in a long time. After I had confessed, I was sitting in the 2nd pew from the front sitting all by myself minding my own business feeling good after having gone to confession.

As soon as Mass started this regular Church going mother I usually see and her 24-something year old daughter came up to me, pointed, and asked me if anyone was sitting to my left. I said no go ahead so they went and sat to my left with the daughter sitting between me and her mom.

Everything was fine until we got up from kneeling to say the Our Father when the 24- something year old daughter who I also have seen as a regular and an altar server jumped to the left of her mom becuase she did not want to hold hands with me.

If this person had such a problem with me why sit next to me in the first place?

She obviously had no problems holding hands with her mom and the person to her left.

I am now thinking that not holding hands with anyone during the Our Father is the best solution to this practice of holding hands. I would have been O.K. with someone who did not hold hands with anyone at all but this person did not want to hold hands with me during the Our Father.

If anything I have said is against the Catholic Church let it be anathema.

Well, there is an ongoing debate about whether people should be holding hands during the Our Father at all. Some will hold hands regardless, others hold hands only of family members, and others refuse to do it altogether.

I have been “snubbed” too and that lead me to research the issue. Don’t take it personally. :slight_smile:

You have not. Peace be with you.

One more reason to stop the hand holding.

Blessings to you, and I’m sorry to hear you were snubbed.

The only time I blatantly snubbed somebody who wanted to hold hands with me was when a woman sitting next to me in a short-sleeved shirt and shorts took out a bottle of body lotion during the priest’s sermon and used her hands to slather great big greasy gobs of goo all up and down her arms and legs! :eek:

Since I wasn’t sure whether or not I’d be receiving Communion in the hand or on the tongue that day, I simply did not want to latch onto her handful of smelly grease. So I quite obviously moved away from the woman, who then chased me down and tried to forcibly grab my hand. At that point I had to come right out and say, “Sorry, but I don’t want a handful of grease!” :bigyikes:

I kid you not.

There are a lot of posts on this subject, throughout this website, and it’s always such an emotional issue.

You have to decide in advance that your feelings won’t be hurt, either way.

I don’t hold hands, because I don’t want to touch other people, and vice versa, I don’t want them to touch me. There’s nothing “touchy” about the Lord’s prayer.

I particularly dislike the priests who stretch their arms out to the servers and others near the altar. Technically, this is not the stance the priest is supposed to be in. During a prayer, the priest is supposed to hold his hands upward, as to the Lord. THAT is the thing I’d rather do myself, out there in the pew – hold my hands up to God.

But, even THAT is not the prescribed gesture for the congregation.

I’ve never seen the Pope doing all that.

Get OVER it. Please, if you’re ever near me, please don’t “reach out”


It likely was not an intentional snub. First, hand holding has never been authorized in my Archdiocese (and many others). In effect, holding hands is the introduction of an action into the liturgy, and so should first be approved at the Diocesan level. I any event, it is not mandatory. Consider that this person may have had a compromised immune system, as I do. At one point not long ago, the flu would have killed me.

The intent of hand holding is as a form of showing solidarity or community. But, the mass is full of those signs. While the holding of hands is a warm gesture, it is not formally a part of the tradition of the Church, or of the rite of mass.

Holding hands is not a part of the mass. The times someone would not, I felt no pain because it is their choice to make.
I am not surprised that some people do not like to hold hands with strangers.
I agree with another poster and think it best if the priest announced no more holding hands. You have hit on one sort of problem that results–some people will feel snubbed.

As another poster said, one more reason to drop this silly hand-holding nonsense. It Calvary Chapel stuff and not necessary, innovative, corney. And it leads to things like this. It’s bad enough that the lady wanted to do it. Even worse that she wouldn’t do it with both sides of her mates in the pew! jeez…

While we’re at it, let’s stop communion in the hand, stop the 7,000 extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist all touching the Eucharist and trying to confer “blessings” to people playing priest, let’s bring back the incense, get a decent homily once in a while, drop the koombaya music, and…oops, boy did I open a can of worms! :smiley:


Don’t let something like this disturb your peace especially during the Lord’s Prayer. We can never really know the reasons why people do things. Maybe it wasn’t personal but unintentional, the person could have taken that opportunity to move next to their friend, was in a drafty/uncomfortable spot or just wanted a better view, etc… Your post did serve to remind me of my situation and what people might think of me. For quite sometime I have been receiving very heavy doses of chemo therapy and my immune system is shot. Any little germ can turn into a life threatening situation for me. I guess technically I am excused from attending mass but I do try to go whenever I feel up to it because it brings me much joy. I try to sit in an unpopulated area but sometimes I don’t have any control over who might come along after I am seated. Fortunately, at my parish we do not hold hands during the Our Father but do give the sign of peace. During that time, I will usually extend my hands to my healthy family member but to no one else. I will usually just smile, wave or bow to anyone else. If during the service I notice that anyone near me has anything resembling a sniffle, cold, cough, holding a tissue in hand or any possible contagion I will (whenever appropriate and it does not cause a disturbance) move away from them. My intention is never to offend but as a precaution. As I stated above, I don’t know why the person you were speaking about moved but don’t waist time on that issue especially after feeling so good after going to confession. Focus on the Graces and blessings God wants to transmit to you during mass. If you feel a sense of communion holding hands during the Our Father then do so. If the person next to you can’t or doesn’t like doing so don’t sweat it. Maybe during the next mass you may sit next to a person who can and likes to hold hands. I wish you the best. God Bless.

Few people will go to that much trouble to snub someone they hardly know. Is it possible that the other person, apart from her mother, who she held hands with was a dear friend of hers?

It’s still a little poorly timed though.

No-one holds hands in our local congregations apart from a few families. Many, perhaps half the congregation, stand there with the palms of their hands turned upward.

Thank you to all who responded.

I am feeling much better after reading everyone’s posts. I guess there remains the controversy of whether or not we should be holding hands during the Our Father at Mass at all.

If anything I have said is against the Catholic Church, let it be anathema.

My wife and I just fold our hands and pray, even though as family members the rubrics do allow for us to hold hands for the Pater Noster. We just don’t do it an it solves all these kinds of problems.


Let me say something, though I hesitate, because after all Protestants are here only to bash the Catholic Church.:rolleyes:

I’ve been to Mass and held hands, and I’ve been to Mass and haven’t.:shrug:

If it was mandated that she hold hands, or if it was mandated that she should not, and she broke the mandate, I think you would have a case. But so what? :confused: Would it be worth thinking over, or stewing about?

This is where I see a problem:

becuase she did not want to hold hands with me.

You don’t know that. Maybe she suddenly found out her best friend in all the world, or her long-lost Auntie Tilda, whom she had not seen in ten years, was sitting there, and in the joy and excitement of the moment, she did this. At the worst, I think, you could accuse her of being thoughtless and get away with it.:sad_yes: You make it sound like she gave you a note that said “Hold Hands with YOU? Foggettaboutit! There is a stranger on the other side of Ma, and watch what happens!”. I didn’t see that note mentioned.

The bigger danger for you I think is that you are tempted to turn a small thoughtless slight or careless deed into something that distracts, or distracted you, from what is truly important. Don’t sweat the small stuff.:slight_smile:

Let me know who she is. I am mad at her forever and will take terrible vengeance upon her!
Bwahahaha . (I am just kidding).

I hope you feel better.:slight_smile:

-Tina “Always Sweating the Small Stuff” G

Personally, I fold my hands in prayer during the Our Father, but to each his own… Are you sure the daugther was holding hands with the person on her left, or just her mother? Maybe it’s a “family thing”. Otherwise, I’m wondering if you were doing a lot of sneezing and sniffling during Mass. Sometimes that’ll do it.

Curious what happened afterwards at the Sign of Peace. Did you shake hands with any of the woman?

At most, I only hold hands with my family during the Lord’s Prayer. And usually, it’s one of my family members that scoops my hand up. And since they are family, I don’t fight it.

I can only think of one time I’ve reached for a strangers hand. But the woman had informed me just prior to the start of mass that she was sorry for crying, her best friend was dieing… So I held her hand, when her best friend likely would have been there to do so… And she was sobbing… It broke my heart.

I do not hold hands during the Our Father. No offense is intended but I know it’s not required and I find it distracting.

Parishes should teach the laity about what exactly is supposed to be happening at times like this during the Mass to clear up any confusions.

Exactly. If people stopped making things up in the Mass we would not have these problems.


Yeah, and it’s wise not to go there. If there’s not a current moratorium on the topic, there soon will be again since it’s a very contentious notion.

But to address your snub, don’t give it a second thought; don’t dwell on something as insignificant as that, when our Lord has become one with you (and the rest of us) through the Eucharist!!

(Sort of pales in comparison, no?) :wink:

It is like one post here said there may have bee a medical condition we do not know but I do not hold hands during the our father because it is a prayer between me and God however i will shake hands during the sign of peace but during a time here while back whe i had a blood infection and my treatment was making me sort of sick i had to be careful of because it lowered my immune system so i just nodded to everyone who was nearby and i told them before mass what the situation was and hey don’t let it get you down were niot there to make points with any one were there to receive jesus in the eucharist

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