So angry with myself


#1

After a year and a half of not masturbating, I caved the other day :frowning:
I’m so angry with myself.
I know exactly why it happened too and the reason is even more pathetic and heart-wrenching.
The past two weeks I have been so concerned with finding a boyfriend/relationship because I have never been in one and I’m 24 that I got so wrapped up in thinking about the future and I talked to two different people online and thought maybe something would grow out of it but nothing did and I caved.
I feel so so horrible. I feel like a failure. Like I let God and myself down.
I feel dirty.
I need to go to confession I know but Im just so ashamed…


#2

Corinthians 7:8-9 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

I will pray that you find a suitable partner to share your love.


#3

Trust that your Priest has heard this confession before by many others. He is there for the benefit of your soul and relationship with God. Simply be honest as you have been here.

I will pray for God's grace in this matter, and that you may find your true soul mate should that be God's will. God's Peace to you.


#4

[quote="Serenity412, post:1, topic:346957"]
After a year and a half of not masturbating, I caved the other day :(
I'm so angry with myself.
I know exactly why it happened too and the reason is even more pathetic and heart-wrenching.
The past two weeks I have been so concerned with finding a boyfriend/relationship because I have never been in one and I'm 24 that I got so wrapped up in thinking about the future and I talked to two different people online and thought maybe something would grow out of it but nothing did and I caved.
I feel so so horrible. I feel like a failure. Like I let God and myself down.
I feel dirty.
I need to go to confession I know but Im just so ashamed.......

[/quote]

Serenity,

You sinned, we all sin. This will continue for the duration of our earthly lives. Go confess, be forgiven and sin no more.


#5

It must be hard being 24 y.o. and never having been in a relationship. Realize we are currently in some very strange times. What is normal is now being considered abnormal. What is abnormal is now being considered normal.

So, people who are virgins today are sometimes even ridiculed! They are thought of as some kind of abnormality! In older times, it was the norm before marriage! Virginity, say, used to be held in very high esteem.

Did you realize that saints have told us that in heaven, people who are able to conserve their virginity, say, a lifetime, are given a crown?!

Now, just because you’re 24 y.o. doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road, here. You’re hardly a “washed-up, old, has been”! Your life it just beginning! You’re hardly an old maid!

There are a lot of advantages to never having been in a relationship before. Well, you don’t have any sexually-transmitted diseases, haven’t had any children out of wedlock, no abortions. At lot of people your age, have.had numerous sexual partners already and many of the above list.

A lot of people of both sexes WISH they had saved their virginity for the right person, their spouse, instead of wasting it on someone who could care less and will move on to the next conquest right after that.

You’re actually in a very good position, though it might not seem like it right now to you.

I happen to know there are a number of men who want, desperately, to find a good, Catholic girl. Many are absolutely convinced they are so scarce, that they hardly exist. Some give up altogether in this search, believing it’s like “Mission Impossible!”

Don’t give up quite yet. What have you tried so far? One place to meet people would be through Catholic single groups. Does your church offer any?

Universities are another good place for young people to meet. Some have Newman Centers which are mainly for Catholic students, but anybody can also go to mass there.
That would give you a common element, your faith.

For some people, especially introverts, dating can be tougher, but why not at least try a few things?

Also, what about some kind of volunteer work or hobby, clubs where you can get out to meet people a bit more? Look for people who are like yourself…similar beliefs and interests, preferably, so you have more in common.

As to your fall, I know, it’s upsetting. All you can really do is repent, go to confession and sin no more. We’re all sinners, here, so join the club! We just have to keep picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and moving forward, though, hard as it is.

Stop beating yourself up, since that won’t help. Satan loves it when we lose hope, faith, and want to just give up, despair. Ask God to forgive you, and move forward.

Sounds like you fell a lot out of loneliness. So, you can try harder to work on that issue, since God didn’t design you to be alone. Anyway, good luck, and God bless you!

I’ll close with a prayer for you. Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :gopray:


#6

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Things like this happen to us all. If we were to never mess up, then there would be no need for confession. Jesus died for us so that we could be forgiven for things like this.

Plus a year and a half is a good amount of time to control yourself. Some people do not possess that much self-control.

God bless


#7

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Don't be so hard on yourself, just go to confession and start again.
Mary.


#8

One more thing I think I forgot to mention before, why not develop more friendships, with WOMEN?

Until you can find your husband, the one who is right for you, you will probably need some support, and it would also help in the loneliness department. So, look to ladies...girlfriends. Develop interests. Also, that all makes you more interesting to a potential partner.

Also, an unexpected benefit of knowing more women is that the women may have...a brother who's single...or know someone and also help in that way. ;)


#9

It's a rough feeling, but we've all been there. It's a failure, but God didn't send His Son to die for us because we were all already perfect and would never mess up again. The trick is to balance the shame at failing with the knowledge that failure is inevitable - if not in this way, then in some other - and to try to use such realizations of the evil in what we have done to help us avoid evil in the future.

Shame at failure is unavoidable - and should not be avoided - but remember that that is not all there is to it, and it is not a thing to spend to much time focusing on. There is also the joy in realizing that God loves us enough to forgive our failings, though we don't deserve it, and recognizes our efforts to struggle against temptation even when they fail.

And keep in mind: a year and a half between failings of that type is an achievement, given the nature of that temptation. Eliminating sin entirely is of course the goal, but it is an unattainable one: We all fail in one way or another; we simply try to reduce how badly and how often, and it sounds like you're making headway in that direction, even if you messed up recently. Just gotta get up, dust yourself off in confession, and start again.


#10

Treat yourself as you will treat your children (and you will most likely get married and have children-you are only 24). A sin is an error but not a permanent scar. Confess it and keep moving forward towards God. Stay forgiving and humble. Don't allow your ego and pride to get all stuck on your mistakes. Work to overcome them and just move on.


#11

Take heart. Do not lose hope.

Additionally, everyone I ever knew who is still married figured they would never get married and stopped caring. The week my mother became okay with never getting married she met my father. The other sex can really sense desperation, and no one really wants to deal with that. :o

Like other posters have suggested, making more women friends might be a good idea—or maybe taking an art, writing, dance class...try something new! Dance is especially fun because it builds camaraderie. Although I might be a little biased.:blush:


#12

The most important thing is not to let your failures rob you of peace. In your case it sounds like you don't have the peace Christ wants for you in the first place. You talk about being disappointed with where you are in life and being really upset with yourself for sinning. It's going to sound bizarre, but these could actually be symptoms of pride. I'll try to explain.

Do you believe that God has a plan for you? Hopefully you'll realize that He does, because He is all-knowing and all-powerful. Nothing can occur unless He allows it. Even sin - although God never wishes or asks us to sin, He does allow it to happen as a result of mis-using our free will. But even with sin, God has the power to transform it into good. Step 1 is learning to trust God with everything.

Do you believe that God loves you? His very nature is perfect Love, so He loves you more than you love yourself. His greatest desire is for you to be happy with Him in Heaven, and He will use His infinite power and infinite knowledge to guide you there. The circumstances that you find yourself in right now are exactly where God intends you to be. Unmarried, feeling lonely, etc. That's where God has placed you with the perfect knowledge that this situation is best for you. This is the shortest path for you to get to Heaven. When you complain or get upset about things in your life, you're saying to God that you could have planned things better. ;)

You'll never be able to try hard enough to defeat this particular sin...but God can help you accomplish it quite easily. Ironically, the more you get upset, the harder it will be to trust God, and the more you're trying to do it all yourself. Pride. Instead, allow God to lead you every second of the day and don't get frustrated if you don't improve as fast as you'd like to. Remember, it's not your plan, it's God's plan. He's got it covered.

That's basically a very poor summary of a really excellent book:

amazon.com/Abandonment-Divine-Providence-Western-Philosophy/dp/0486464261

or available here as a free download (don't worry, it's very old and no longer subject to copyright):
ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

My prayers are with you! :D


#13

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