A little background, my husband and I have had a very challenging marriage. We attended Retrouvoiulle after only 3 years of marriage. We’ve now made it to 7 but it’s been a rough rode. We have four children in that short time. While trying to practice NFP I conceived two of them when charting and trying not to. It seems that even if it’s several days before my ovulation I still seem to get pregnant. I just gave birth 5 months ago to my fourth daughter. It was a very dark time for us. My husband drank a lot, he always went to bed far later than me, there was no closeness between us. We both attend mass every Sunday and are in another prayer group but something was just different about him. A few months later when I was looking for pictures on his hard drive I found out what it was. I found files and files of porn. I have never been so devastated in my life. My husband basically told me, we could never be intitmate again because NFP didn’t work and I wouldn’t use condoms and we couldn’t have any more children. He said he looked at it because partly the alcohol convinced him it wasn’t that bad and because we grew apart. Now honestly we’ve never had a real closeness in marriage because of fear of getting pregnant. I felt so betrayed being that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with and was ready to give up. I went to confession and the Priest told me that in extreme cases that he is allowed to tell me to pray about it with my husband and that birth control would be okay. I argued saying that I wouldn’t commit a mortal sin and couldn’t receive communion of our Lord. He said that my marriage falling apart because of no intimacy between my husband and I was also very serious for the children involved. I had no idea what to do, so since then my husband and I have tried using condoms. Our marriage is night and day to what it was before. We are getting to know each other in that way, we’re much closer and he has stopped drinking etc. I am nursing my baby right now so I have no idea when I might be fertile again. I guess here is my question after all of that… what now? I don’t want to risk my soul for my marriage. I also know that he won’t be intimate with NFP because the times I’ve used it I’ve gotten pregnant. I love God so much and fear that I’m disappointing him and I love my husband and children and want to keep my family together. Please don’t judge, I’ve done enough of that on myself lately. Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom.
As I understand it, in a situation where a husband refuses to partake of the marital act without using artificial contraception, then for the good of the marital union his wife may sleep with him without committing sin as long as;
a) She isn’t contracepting herself - ie. the man is using condoms, rather than she taking the pill.
b) She has made known her view about contraception.
This might bring you some comfort with regards your own soul.
Apart from that, all you can do is try to evangelise your husband with love, trusting God to turn him around to the truth. Evangelise him with love and forbearance. Pray for him unceasingly. Where the opportunity arises encourage him in his own life of faith and prayer; the most amazing thing would be if you could start going to mass during the week together.
But either way, my advice is to be at peace with your own conscience and have great hope for your husband.
God Bless you, you will be in my prayers.
Exactly. In this case, the sin is on your husband, not on you.
+Bernadetteoc . . . perhaps you might also copy and forward the entire original post to Father Vincent Serpa here at the Catholic Answers Forum . . . this problem appears to be something only an ordained priest can really definitively help with at this point . . . Father Serpa has lots of wonderful material at his fingertips to enlighten and help in matters such as you have shared . . . from everything I’ve read of his material . . . he appears to be very trustworthy as a spiritual guide . . . *I’ll remember you and your dear family in evening prayers this night . . . God bless . . . *
Evening :gopray2: Prayer (Vespers)
incline unto mine aid.
make haste to help me.
- Psalm 69:2
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without end.
full of grace
the Lord is with thee,
blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the** Fruit **of thy womb
Holy Mary, Mother of God
pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
[RIGHT]. . . all for Jesus+[/RIGHT]
God bless you all for your kindness and replies. I fear that I brought the sin on my husband by telling him what the Priest told me from confession. I pray that God shows his great mercy on us and brings us to a place of understanding. Thank you for the information on the Priest here who might be able to help. Lifting all of you up in prayer that our wonderful Lord and savior might give you the desires of your hearts.