i feel the most horrible dirtiest girl alive. I have no word, and i cant move along to something different. I dated this guy a year ago, long story short we broke up 2 times then after that we were just kissing friends we did everything except sex because well, im still a virgin and because im scared, scared of getting pregnant. but today after 9 months of no contact with him we started being kissing friends, i thought i loved him, that i missed him but when he started kissing me i realized i dont love him, its not love ive never loved him and ive failed, I’ve failed god and i dont deserve his forgiveness when all god has done is love me help me through the rough times in my life. I feel so guilty but im so stupid that i can never walk away or say no. I hate this its something that haunts me and i cant get away from. I always run back to him, how am i supposed to find someone decent if im a dirty person if i cant be what god wants me to be, if i always fall to temptation just for hours of pleasure when in the long run i know he doesnt love me, i know he is just using me and i know hes never going to value what i am. I am capable of being in a relationship i have so much to offer but im so stupid. i pray to god so much for someone sometimes im even scared im going to end up alone. I try to be a good example help around church but right now i feel so dirty unworthy and shameful i cant even confess myself to the priest and tell him what ive done when hes heard it so many times last year. ugh im sorry people.
Okay, ways to avoid temptation. I think modesty is one line of defense. Look at how you are dressed. Do you dress modestly? Now, if one wants to be celibate, or chaste, as a woman, start with dressing modestly.
So, no mini-shorts. No mini-skirts. No tight or see-through clothing. No plunging necklines. Your skirts and such should at least cover your knees. We should not be able to see any underwear or any lines of it. When you bend over, nothing should show or fall out. Your clothing should be a bit lose, actually.
Next, do you avoid temptation? Okay, one suggestion, when in mixed company, make it during daylight hours in public places. Do NOT meet in mixed company in isolated places and/or after dark. Why tempt fate?
Develop friends with other girls, particularly ones who share your morals and strive to be moral. Although, I realize this is hard to find in our time, today.
In the olden days, there weren’t all these coed circumstances, and you had chaperones. You also didn’t have all these movies that showed everything and encouraged promiscuity.
As to not being able to find one, trust in God. Have faith in God and wait for the right man.
You’ll find that men will respect you more for not being “easy”.
go to confession.
i was in the same situation as you once. and if i could do it all over again, i would have taken the time to learn my cahtolic faith better. i knew having sex before was a sin but i didn’t really know that all the other stuff was either. i was dumb and didn’t put the pieces together. anyways, god eventually got through to me. and for the longest time i didn’t want to go to confession because i was scared also but eventually i made myself go. and it was the most liberating thin i could have ever done. i came out of it bawling.
i think it can help you also. after that you will grow in your faith. and once your faith is strong, you can be in practically any situation and you will be able to resist any temptation. i will be praying for you. god bless.
god will always love you
I think it’s time to delete this guy’s contact info from your phone, unfriend him, don’t take his calls, don’t answer his emails or texts, go to confession as many times as it takes, get really busy, maybe drop the circle of friends if you have one in common, take a trip, call a friend, meet new people, pick up some new interests, go out with some new guys. Keep moving!
A quality relationship moves forward. This thing just keeps going round and round. You are right to want out, and to want better. You may not think that you deserve better, but every day you manage not to see this guy shows that you do deserve better.
You should confess. You know you feel bad about it, so God WILL forgive you, even if this is the 100th time. non-believers may find you hard-headed for not being ‘easy’ towards other people, but you are really worth it. The right person for you will give you more respect for not being ‘easy to get’
I 100% agree with this advice.
I was in your shoes, and constant reconciliation was what helped me FINALLY be set free. Thank you Jesus for your Mercy!
Jazz, God loves you. He is not disappointed in you, even if you fall over and over, as long as you keep picking yourself up and don’t give up. A mother is not disappointed in her toddler who is learning to walk and keeps falling, is she? She patiently waits while the child tries again and again until she learns to walk.
Many of us have been there, and kept trying until we found a better way to live. You will keep going and find happiness.
There are worse things than being alone, trust me. Be your own best friend, be kind to yourself, make yourself into the kind of person God wants you to be, and you will find the man God has for you, if that is His plan.
You are not “dirty” or any other “bad” things. The only you are guilty too is to be a normal human. God loves you and He will forgive you if you honestly repent, but there is the problem, what do you need to repent? You made a bad choice, that is maybe a sin, but most of the time we don’t it is wrong before we have done it. Good you did sort out your feelings before the priest did say “amen”. You will find the right one, eventually, and then you will know. God bless you.
Go to confession, do all that you can to avoid the temptation of falling into the same sin again, and pray pray PRAY!
If this young man is unable to comply with the laws of the church then I would move on and not look back. Do not let him lead you down dark roads.
The devil attempts to trick us with thoughts of being “dirty” and “unworthy” because he desperately does not want us to go to Confession. Don’t fall for it.
So you did something stupid. We’ve all been there. We’ve all gone through bouts of confessing the same stupid sins over and over again. The important thing is to just go. God loves you unconditionally. He extends His forgiveness to you always. Run to Him in the Sacrament. He will wipe away those sins. Then be at peace and ditch the guy.
I will say a prayer for you.
The man you marry and give your heart to will be a very blessed man. The fact that you take this so seriously tells me that. Now you’ve been given a lot of good advice already about modesty, going to confession, avoiding this sin in the future and removing this young man from your life.
I just want to add what you call "dirty " I call “a precious child of God.” God love you SO much and has already forgiven you. You just need to accept that forgiveness in the Sacrament of confession.
God has a plan for you, that obviously does not include this young man. So do your best to remove him from your life. If I was your father I would want you to marry someone who takes chastity very seriously and will only love God above you. God wants that to. Only difference is He can actually make it happen if you let Him and trust Him.
Don’t give in to despair. Jesus didn’t die on a cross to keep you away from Himself.