So...help? I am SO dern scared


#1

Ok, so. Hello. looking for Catholic moms and married ladies to help me.

I’m a young woman, and I’m getting married this fall to a wonderful man. He’s protestant, but very open, and VERY supportive of my faith. We attend Mass together, he’s even said if it comes down to a need, he’ll convert to Catholicism for me. He’s a Godsend.

Well, of course, with marriage comes the inevitability of children. As we’re both balancing work and school, e’ve talked about waiting a while before children, at least until he’s done ith school.

I told him veery early about the Catholic rules of ABC, and he was a little contemplative at first, but accepted it, and says he’ll support and help any way he can while we use NFP.

But here’s the issue. He’s more ok with it than I am!

I always thought in theory I’d be ok with it, but now that we’re talking marriage, suddenly it scares the **** out of me. I know so little about NFP, about messing up, getting pregnant right away. My whole family is Catholic, but none of them use NFP. I don’t have a mother, nor any close female relatives, or even KNOW a woman at ALL who uses NFP, so I’m feeling very overwhlmed and lost.

So, i just need the advice of omen who use it, have gone through it. is it REALLY, HONESTLY and TRULY effective? Do you feel comfortable with it’s effectiveness? What are it’s biggest drawbacks?


#2

I would recommend you checking out the site Fertility Friend. There is alot of good info there about temping, charting and tracking your cycles. Is it effective…in my honest opinion NO. But you will have plenty of woman tell you that it is. Generally women use NFP to get pregnant, not to avoid it. as it helps you know when you are ovulating and therefor the optimum time for making love.

I would start NOW, this way buy the time your wedding rolls round, you will be a pro.

Good Luck and Congrats on your engagement


#3

Here is a link to the NFP group here

forums.catholic.com/group.php?groupid=840


#4

No? have you used it?


#5

Syri,

NFP is more effective than any kind of artificial birth control. First of all, any kind of hormonal birth control is poison, and is abortive. Condoms “effective rates” are misconstrued because they do not take into account that a pregnancy couldnt’ have happened anyway at least 3/4 of the time.

I believe that every woman should be charting by the time she is a teenager, as it is a great health record and gives insight into problems. Start tomorrow, You can be confident in it in time.


#6

Ooh I don’t need to be told not to use ABC. I do not always understand it, but I trust the teachings of the church. I know I will use NFP, I’m just so scared D:

I’t’s several months till the wedding, so I’ll definately start ASAP


#7

The Marquette Method is the most scientifically proven and hard to mess up. I’d recommend reading about it and getting the Clearblue Easy monitor. Start tracking BEFORE you’re even married-- you’ll see that you CAN reliably see ovulation and its warning signs come up! Month to month, you’ll gain confidence that it really does work. It’s pretty amazing, and the studies done through Marquette University prove its effectiveness.


#8

NFP has a 99% effectiveness rate when used properly, both for avoiding conception and/or achieving conception. That is factual, not my opinion. Do a search and you’ll find lots of sources to confirm this. :slight_smile:

Both things you’ve said here are incorrect. It IS effective, and many people use NFP to avoid conception for varying lengths of time.

There are many people on CAF who have been using different methods of NFP for long enough that I’d consider them “experts.” :smiley: I hope more of them while chime in here. I’ve been using the Sympto-Thermal Method for about 8 months so I’m not an expert yet. :stuck_out_tongue:


#9

You’ll be just fine.

NFP is safe and at least as reliable as anything else out there - and just like everything else, it depends on following the instructions. Don’t just rely on one method of reading your signs - use at least two or three, so that if you get different readings from each test, you’ll know to redo the testing. This might mean learning more than one method of NFP - but if it’s important enough, it’s worth it. :slight_smile:


#10

I’d love to hear some first hand accounts on how everyone does with their plans and how it works for them? And thank you guys very much for the responses so far!


#11

At one point, I was afraid of NFP too. I read the entire CCL book and also a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I learned a lot about the female cycle from these books. I wish someone had educated me about the female cycle a LONG time ago. It’s like waking up to how your body works. Before, I was in the dark about my own cycle-- and no doctor ever cared to educate me. Ob/gyns almost universally don’t know ANYTHING about NFP and always want to put women on hormonal birth control (which ruined my life for a while with depression and moodiness). Hormonal birth control also raises breast cancer risk (especially for women who take it before having their first child). You’ll never hear an ob/gyn TELL you that, but go look it up-- it’s true. Widespread hormonal contraceptives=breast cancer epidemic.
Reading NFP books is VERY EMPOWERING, but I knew immediately that I could not rely on the temperature part of the Sympto-Thermal Method because I was waking up at night with a baby. That’s when I found Marquette. I ordered the Clearblue Easy Fertility monitor (you pee on a stick for about 10 days per month and the computer reads the hormone levels in your urine). After a few months of seeing the computer find my day of ovulation, I gained confidence. I also found the cm observations to be right in line with what the monitor was telling me-- again, more confidence…
If you start discovering how your own cycle works with these methods, NFP will become less and less scary. Just give yourself some time to figure it all out…


#12

Well, this is within your power to change. You simply need to take a class and learn NFP and practice charting between now and your wedding. There are four main methods: Sympto-Thermal, Creighton, Billings, and Marquette.

Contact your parish Family Life office, or that of the diocese, and get the contact information for teachers and classes in your area.


#13

Which method of NFP have you taken classes in, how long have you charted?

And plenty of peer reviewed scientific studies too.

This is NOT a true statement.

Methinks maybe you haven’t actually ever taken an NFP course.


#14

Well, I’m a guy, but I’ll give you my two cents.

We’ve used the Sympto-Thermal Method for over 20 years. We’ve conceived three children while trying to conceive, and have successfully used NFP to avoid when we were avoiding. Wife is taking bad medicine, so we are seriously trying to avoid.

As long as you are honest with yourself in reading your signs, and trust each other, it works well. My wife takes her temp and records the signs, and I read the charts to determine the phases. I don’t coach her (“We need a 98.1 today for phase III to start”). If we are not sure, we wait until the next day.

Ever heard the joke/story that if you put a marble in a vase every time you make love during the first year, and take one out every time you make love after that, you will never run out of marbles? That’s what you are up against - you will have to abstain (if you are trying to avoid) when you don’t want to, when you really don’t want to. You both need to be strong, and not blame anyone for what the facts tell you. A little discipline in life is good. I am glad that we have used NFP, although it was tough at times.


#15

OP, I think your fear comes more from the unkknown, than from using NFP itself. 1ke is right. You need to educate yourself about NFP. You don’t even absolutely need to take a class. It’s highly recommended, but not absolutely necessary.

Buy a Basal thromometer (digital, with two decimal points), and start charting your basal body temperature with your next cycle. The first day if a cycle is the first day of your period. My fiance and I have beene ducating ourselves at NFP, mainly the symto-thermal method for a few months now. It’s very important to start learning before you are married.

I highly recommend www.fertilityfriend.com. The free, basic membership is all you need. It helps you chart your BBT and cervical mucus (which is also a good thing to learn to observe). Fertility friend also has a FREE email course that you can sign up for. My fiance and I went through it, and it was VERY informative. It’s a daily email with 20 lessons that all you need to do is read and understand. The site has some short videos also, as well as quizzes on the lessons.

Don’t be afraid, you will be glad you’re using NFP. It really is fascinating to learn. And it becomes clearer as time goes by. I’ve charted about 7 cycles so far, and it started to make sense pretty quickly. It helps you understand your body much better too. And learning about it together and talking about it will help to prepare the two of you. Make sure you learn about it together so you both understand.


#16

Alright NFP is presented with great rose colored gasses but the truth is you’ll likely end up with a baby before your ready. And being your trying to avoid you can kiss any kind of sex life you were hoping to have good bye. When my husband and I tried practicing this method we only had about 4 go days a month due to the fact I have a continuous mucus pattern. After about 3 months of no sex because after an entire day of tracking I couldn’t be more turned off aNd when I was actually in the mood we couldn’t because I was fertile. Please know that barrier methods (condoms) won’t abort and won’t put you guys through the headache and kill you sex life like NFP does


#17

You are encouraging mortal sin.

If you have a continuous mucous pattern, then you have a health issue. I also had a continuous mucous pattern, and because I was doing creighton, I was able to discern the difference between fertile type and other types, and then I got the problem treated.

You have no business telling someone they are “likely to have a baby before ready”. You don’t know how ready they are, you don’t know how fertile they are, and you dont’ know that NFP wouldn’t work for them, as it works for so many people.

Most people using NFP have more sex than those using birth control


#18

I’m not going to do something my religion teaches could land my soul in hell, thank you


#19

Please know that barrier methods are against the Church, and their employ is a grave matter. (That means it’s a mortal sin to use it with knowledge of that fact, and consent.)

Honestly, the topic of artificial contraception should not even be brought up in a discussion on NFP, because it is simply not relevant. (It’s as if during a discussion on hospital vs home hospice care for the terminally ill, someone chimes in and says, “well, what’s wrong with euthanasia?”) It’s irrelevant because it is already not part of the equation on the basis of it not being moral.

Secondly, your situation, without going too far into details, is clearly not a typical one. While it is good to know that atypical situations do exist, please refrain from presenting such a situation as a normal one.


#20

Yeah, this? This is wjy I'm scared tishless D : Thanks


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