So I get enough courage to ask her out .........and.......she's busy

So I finally got enough courage to ask this really nice pretty girl on a date and she said she** " is too busy. Its only a few days till Christmas, I’ll see you Saturday."
see you saturday meaning - getting together with regular friends

Now I know we guys can be a bit clueless when it comes to girls but…

What am I suppose to think and do now?

Is she interested? Isn’t she interested? I don’t want to push the issue if she’s not:shrug:

uh, It is Christmas, waaaay too busy to be asking girls out during this time of year.

Here is a tip. Don’t ask her out a few days before valentines day either.:rolleyes::smiley:

Wait, ask her out again later with plenty of notice. Don’t over analyze. If she says no again, move on.

Funny! And true.

This is the worst time of the year to ask anybody to do anything (business, social or romantic) beyond the regularly scheduled.

We had a discussion on CAF of the calendar issue and dating a while back, and it might even be prudent to consider a moratorium on asking new people out between mid-November and Valentine’s Day, given the practical issues involved in coping with holidays, existing family and social demands, possible gift-giving fiascoes (what do you give the special lady you’ve been dating for three days?), etc. But there may just be a narrow window available for asking new people out of about a month starting from the beginning of the second week of January.

Good luck!

And you do get one more free pass on asking her out before you start looking clueless or creepy. Make it count! Put some thought into it! But at the same time, don’t go too big, because that’s too much pressure. Inexpensive but thoughtful and 100% unmistakable as a date is the way to go.

She may turn you down a second time, even if she is genuinely interested in you, because people do genuinely get busy. However, if she turns you down twice, at that point it’s on her to create an opportunity if she is interested in you.

There’s no way to really know if she is interested or not except to ask her out again, or simply ask her if she is interested in going out with you. We only have part your relayed conversation, and of course we don’t know anything about either of you.

I personally tend to think she’s probably not interested, based on what your relay as her answer.

If I were truly too busy at the moment, but really interested, I would have said something clear like “I’d love to, but I have too much to do between now and Christmas, how about next weekend?” or something to that effect.

I would want to clearly send the message, “YES” with the caveat that it’s not you it’s the timing.

She didn’t do that.

But, I need to add the disclaimer that she might not have been thinking about her messaging, or she might have been flustered by your invitation, or any number of other “maybe” scenarios. Again, the only way to know is to ask her out again when it’s not holiday time and see what she says.

I started to write that it sounds like she’s not interested and you should move on, when it suddenly dawned on me that that the first time I asked my now wife of 42+ years out she said she had “other plans.” So I figured that was that and slunk away to nurse my wound. Lo and behold, a few weeks later she “hinted” very strongly that she would very much like to go out with me and as the saying goes, the rest is (a wonderful) history.

So I’d say take another shot after the holidays. Perhaps make it something specific like going with you to a particular concert, movie, or new restaurant. If she says she has to “wash her hair” that night, you know where you stand. Or she might say not that particular event but suggest an alternative.

Then again, as I tell my two sons, one married and one still hoping, what do I know about these matters? :smiley:

Good luck.


1ke - I think you’re reading my mind - especially that very last paragraph :eek:

She didn’t say “I’m not interested, or we are just good friends I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or I already have a boyfriend”

She said “I am busy” and then seemed to me eluded to the fact that you will talk on Saturday?

Chances are she was really busy! I remember being young even when I was single I had to wrap and last-minute shop, then I promised to help my mom clean the house or I had to give my grandparents a ride somewhere or drop by my godparents house etc. When you asked her out with only a few days before Christmas she probably thought you were crazy!

When you see her give her a huge smile and apologize! Tell her of course she was busy and you should have known that! Ask her in a very friendly way about her Christmas holidays with her family and then casually ask if she is interested in going out for a New Years cup of coffee with you to chat! If she says “no” this time then you know she is not interested and you can say “Okay then I understand” and you will know for sure but at least you tried. Good for you having courage, praying for you and God’s will for your life and relationships whatever it may be.

Girls can also be clueless about guys. She may not have clued in that you were asking for a date, or she may have been caught off-guard and didn’t know how to react - perhaps it has never dawned on her that you like her, and she’s still trying to process the information.

Ask her again when you see her. Be direct, but not overbearing. “I like you, and I’d like to take you out for coffee one of these days; give it some thought and let me know if you’re interested.”

I had a similar experience with a young lady 44 years ago…we’ve been married 38 years!

The opportunity arose so I took it

I dont think the timing is an issue here

something tells me your right

I know thats the thing, there is no way of really knowing. Girls are wonderfully mysterious creatures .

I’ll be asking her again and I think I’m going to have to give it time. Again, my gut feeling is this is not a timing thing.

I’m going to bet on this.

well Its Saturday, lets see what happens.

This gives me hope.

After reading this. I am going to change my answer. Let it go. Leave her alone. Just a feeling I have…

Not really.

A lot of times, when people in general (of either sex) are surprised by something, we blurt out something that we don’t really mean, just because we’re surprised or nervous.

That’s why you get a second go at this–if you wait a week or two, she’ll have had a chance to collect herself, think, talk to some friends, talk to her mom or sister (if she’s close to one of them) and rehearse a response. Whatever response you get on a second pass probably represents her thought-out answer. (Of course, she might actually still be busy, but in that case, if she’s interested in you, the ball is in her court to come up with an opportunity to spend time with you.)

It is now the feeling I have.

I’m leaving her alone but I will ask her again with time .

Don’t lurk, don’t stare, and be normal in the meantime!

I promise you I will take this advice.

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