So I popped the question


#1

Yeah I took the leap and she said yes. We have been dating for almost a year and are compatible in ever single way.

I am 21 turning 22 and she is 19 turning 20 in 3 weeks. However we have both said that we need to wait about a year and a half before anything even happens.

I want it noted that both of us had a ruff life and had our parents turn thier backs on us at one point or another. This has caused us both to age long before our time in many ways.

By the time we plan to tell our prespective parents we will have been together about a year and a month.

Before passing any verdicts on the matter could I have some constutive questions?:blush:


#2

I don’t know what “constutive” is or I would try to oblige you. However… I would like to say CONGRATS!!!:dancing: :extrahappy:


#3

Constructive questions? Have you read the 1996 document “Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage” at vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_13051996_preparation-for-marriage_en.html ?

Have you approached a priest about what it describes?: “35. The engaged should receive instruction regarding the natural requirements of the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman in God’s plan for marriage and the family: awareness regarding freedom of consent as the foundation of their union, the unity and indissolubility of marriage, the correct concept of responsible parenthood, the human aspects of conjugal sexuality, the conjugal act with its requirements and ends, and the proper education of children.”

Does the priest offer something along the lines of: “37. During this stage of preparation, frequent meetings will be necessary in an atmosphere of dialogue, friendship and prayer, with the participation of pastors and catechists.” ?


#4

Well you now have a year and a half to work on what needs to be done. Go ahead and make an appointment with your pastor(s) and find out what preparations you need. Get your Sacramental records. I also caution do not take this to mean that you can now start acting as if already married, if you know what I mean. However do begin a prayer life together, start attending Mass and parish activities together.


#5

In the meantime…
I can HIGHLY recommend you take the time to read a book (both of you) called "Three To Get Ready" by Bishop Fulton Sheen.

Also, your life expectancy is close to 100. That would mean 75 years together… so don’t be concerned about waiting a few years to solidify jobs, home, etc.

Finally… the only reason to marry, ONLY reason, is to help get each other to heaven. Everything else flows from that. Choice of job, friends, event the way you raise kids - should all reflect your end goal of a joint journey to eternity. Love, money, careers etc are not reasons… but they can be the fruits of a good decision.

Congratulations to you both.

(on a lesser note, I did notice you are exact in your time line details, almost to the day 20, about to be 21; one year and one month, etc. Please do not take this observation as insulting, but you do sound a bit defensive when you describe your “qualifications” in such a way - like you need to disclose the maximum level of maturity)

.


#6

Well Part of that is due to the fact we are a bit young and I have been taking flack for a long time about my age when I do many things.

anyway my prespective mate met the bishop with me last sat (that was fun she was so nervouse) I’m a tradtional catholic so I knelt donw and kissed his ring called him “your excellence”. She sort of freaked out and froze cause she didn’t know what to do.

I asked her about it latter why she was nervouse…

“Hes short and has lots of power.”

lol. anyway yeah.


#7

check out the USCCB website on marriage…for those contemplating marriage and for those who are already married
foryourmarriage.org/ explore the site map particularly and take the many quizzes…great information to bolster your relationship to the best ever.

The best thing you can do for your impending marriage…particular at your age and any age for that matter, it to work at it everyday and pray together for one another.

And in particular I love Fr.Corapi’s view on love and marriage too.
fathercorapi.com/articledet.aspx?

articleID=1896068715


#8

Thanks for making me really smile.

Met the Bishop?? At this time of year, could that have been at a Rite of Election?? Does that mean your prospective mate is coming into the Church??

If so, congratulations again.

.


#9

No she is not catholic but I convinced her to come to my parish for one mass. the moment we stepped inside the bishop was right there in full vestments. Never meeting a bishop befre in her life it was funny in after math.


#10

Congrats! :smiley:

1.5 years is a long time to wait, but still I wish you the best of luck and my prayers. :thumbsup:


#11

Many threads here deal with the decision to marry outside of the Faith. This is most often not a wise decision.

Spend this time in serious prayer and discernment.


#12

I have to agree with kage_ar - you need to spend a lot of time very seriously discerning this decision to marry outside your Faith. Do some searching here on the CA forum for some of the discussions about this. They do get very heated at times, but it is for very relevant reasons.

Getting married is exciting and important, and probably the biggest decision you will make in a lifetime. Doing this with someone who does not share your Faith can make it very difficult, to say the least.

Use this time very very well to understand the potential impact.

~Liza


#13

www.christopherwest.com

“Good News about Sex and Marriage”

www.marriagebuilders.com

“His Needs, Her Needs”

If she is of another faith or no faith, does she agree to follow the constructs of your faith? For example, the teachings on premarital sex, birth control, use of the sacraments, raising children in their religion, etc?


#14

Congratulations!

…and I second the concerns for interfaith marriage. It has not been a positive experience for me. He was educated, took vows in the Catholic ceremony, but apparently never realized that “Accepting children lovingly and raising them in the faith,” was a belief, and not lip service. It has lead to everything from trust issues to adultery.

Please be careful. Bring her home if she’s willing.


#15

No I’m aware hence why we agreed to wait a year and some before getting married.

She has said a number of occations that she may convert but ever time we talk about it it always ends with me saying “Do this for you not for the behest of your prespective mate.” We laugh then she nods and it ends at that.

If its a good sign to any of you she says the rosery often, I showed her how a few months ago.


#16

Depending on your parish, you may have time for RCIA… I’d recommend taking her to Vigil Mass this Easter to have her see those that are joining the Church this year. RCIA is a good way for her to get an appreciation for your faith. If it’s done right at your parish anyway… She can still decide not to join, but it will give her a flavor of Catholicism.


#17

If she is at least Christian, pray together daily and that might lead her to the Catholic Church.

Best of luck.


#18

My husband and I are reading Three To Get Married right now and so I also recommend it.

Here it is online-

ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/3GETMARR.TXT

Or you can buy it-

catholicfreeshipping.com/Products/cfs_gensym-119.html


#19

I thank you all for your advise right now. Its an exciting time and with how busy I am at work its nice to get the support I see here.


#20

Congratulations!

My advice is going to sound weird. I suggest that you read various posts on this board regularly and discuss them. This is what my fiance’ and I have been doing and it’s gotten us talking about things we probably would not have (that have not been brought up in our PreCana classes either).

The Apologetics forum is a good place to start, considering you’re likely to find out things about our faith that you did not know before. This also provides a way for her to learn what she’s getting into marrying you, if she’s not ready for RCIA.

As a side note, I agree with the poster who said you appear very defensive about your young age. It makes sense that you would be if you’ve been questioned a lot about your choices. May I suggest something? Providing your defense of your age straight out the gate is not the way to go. If anyone questions your maturity, don’t fall for the notion that you have to prove it to them! Do you ask anyone else how old they are and if they are mature enough when they share a decision they’ve made? Get the chip off your shoulder. If they take the time to speak with you, your maturity will be evident. It’s their issue, not yours, let them figure it out for themselves.

I wish you the best. :thumbsup:


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