Here’s a letter I found the other day that I wrote about 20 years ago in an old journal. I don’t remember writing it but this was a very dark time for me. In fact, pretty much all my life until the past few years has been a very dark time for me (here’s a brief snapshot of my journey so far: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=11584090#post11584090 ).
I was in my mid to late 20s when I wrote this and I imagine as close to a breakdown as a person could be without actually breaking down. I don’t know what a breakdown is, this is just my idea of how much in despair I was at this time.
Here’s the kicker: everything in this letter has come to pass for me. And I mean in spades. I don’t recall why I wrote to him (he was only a blessed and not a saint at the time) but I imagine I got the idea from a book or something. I don’t have any sort of special affinity towards him though I do admire and love him as a Saint of the Church.
Dear Padre Pio,
I have this urge to write to you. It may be folly, but it may not be. You see, I am in great need of help. There is so much about me that needs to be changed. I feel sometimes that my faith is just superficial.
Padre, I don’t know what Our Lord’s will is for me. I have begged, pleaded, cried, wished, hoped for a heart of thanksgiving, for true faith, for a heart of joy. Padre, it just seems that I am all alone. It seems that I am standing still. I cannot change myself, I need Lord Jesus to reach down and heal me. I know I am so hard-hearted.
Padre Pio, I beg you to pray for me, and for you to guide me to Jesus, with our Mother Mary, who I have placed myself in her care. I ask to be set on fire for the Lord.
Please Padre, pray for me, please.
A few years after I wrote that letter, I lapsed from the Church (though still believed). I returned in the Fall of 2012 on the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows (I didn’t plan that) and something “unlocked” inside me that night after my confession and I haven’t been the same since. My faith is fulfilling. My faith is on fire. I can honestly say I love our Lord with all my heart, but still so inadequately. But the biggy (for me) is that I finally accept and believe that our God loves me and that has been a struggle my whole life to accept. But no more. I wake up every morning in praise and thanksgiving.
After reading this letter, I’m stunned.