So let's say you think your roommate is gay


#1

So I think my roommate might be gay. Am I required to avoid changing and such when he is there?


#2

You’re not required to do anything. If you think you provide temptation to lust, you could not change when he’s there, but I would hope you’d have more than a decent reason to think that than just an inclination that he might be gay. As an active lesbian when I was in college [and still a lesbian, albeit celibate], I had literally no temptation from a roommate changing; it’s just a normal experience we see a ton of times in our life. I wouldn’t be worried if I were you.


#3

Yet again and again, on this board, I have seen posters maintain that if a single man and a single woman share an apartment the very fact that they are in close proximity will almost always be a near occasion of sexual sin. I never bought this line of thinking. As a young man I have been alone with good female friends on numerous occasions and can’t imagine every being in a position where either of us would try anything…humans are not animals after all. That being said, if both parties are clearly attracted to each other, then appropriate precautions must be made. Unless the OP has a good reason to believe that the roommate is attracted to him/her, I don’t think there is any obligation to do anything whatsoever. (EDIT: I’m not advocating single men sharing apartments with single women - as a general rule of thumb it should probably be avoided - I’m just stating that doing so wouldn’t necessarily lead to near occasion of sexual sin - not every man is going to pursue every single woman he comes across or vice versa - and the same would be true for two gay men or two lesbian women).

That being said, there was never a point in my life where I would have been comfortable changing in front of any roommate male or female. Modesty isn’t just about sexual attraction. Maintaining an appropriate level of privacy is important.


#4

Personally, I don’t change down to being naked in front of anyone except my hubby. With my sister or friends I am not uncomfortable in my underwear but not naked. Use the bathroom for that, like showers, etc. I hope they let you have privacy in the bathroom.


#5

No.


#6

I think the other thing with heterosexual attraction is that men aren’t as used to seeing women strip in front of them and vice versa. Conversely, we grow up our whole lives in locker rooms, sleepovers, etc. etc. that allow us to see bodies of the same sex and adjust ourselves to them. There’s also the sin of scandal (which even SSA people can commit with a person of the opposite sex, as many people will have no idea that the person is not attracted to members of the opposite sex).

That being said, I do agree with you that living with a member of the opposite sex is not necessarily a near occasion of sin at all, just as living with members of the same sex has never been a near occasion of sin for me, even when my roommates have been completely fine changing in front of me. I think it’s just as awkward to see a friend or roommate randomly strip whether they’re of the sex you normally are attracted to or not.


#7

Firstly, that would be his Business …

Secondly, my oldest son found himself in the same situation… and moved out,room mate made advances…


#8

What do you mean…“required”?
This is an odd question. Required how?

I think you should just act as always. Do you normally take your clothes off with another guy in the room?
I mean, you don’t even know if he is gay or not. Why don’t you ask him?

.


#9

It depends, really.

My only experience in this area involves working with a gay colleague during my residency: he was a great guy, very respectful, and even when we shared a room (hospital rules required us to sleep in the same room, next to the ICU) I never had any problem. So I’d be biased in favour of it.

But people are different. For some, your changing may be a near occasion of sin. If you get indications that this is the case, change course. Otherwise, stay calm and natural.


#10

I can’t see a problem with changing in the same room, even if he is gay, which you aren’t sure of anyway. Just don’t flaunt yourself, as I’m sure you wouldn’t do anyway.

You should not treat your room-mate any differently than you would any other room-mate. We are not defined primarily by our sexuality, we are all God’s children, we are all human.

The Catechism teaches us that we must not discriminate against homosexuals, to do so is sinful. If your room-mate is gay, you must treat your him as you would treat any other room-mate.

If he starts ‘oggling’ you as you change, or comes on to you then reassess the situation. My experience of having gay friends is that he will be very aware that you are not gay and is likely to be more embarrassed than you regarding you both changing. If he is gay and you are not, he is highly unlikely to bother you and will probably go out of his way not to make you feel uncomfortable.


#11

When I was in the Army, I had a gay roommate for awhile. Changing in front of her and all that was not an issue. She did make “advances” once, but only the one time. She knew what I thought about it, so she didn’t push it any further. And I didn’t cram it down her throat that she shouldn’t be doing that. Anyway, a long time later she came to the Lord, and she made one comment about it that made it sound like me being a Christian and living a Christian life helped her more than anything else. She had once told me that her parents tried to cram Christianity down her throat, which had turned her off. So, live an open Christian life, stay faithful to God’s calling and you may see this other person give it up for God.


#12

Witness is a very powerful evangelising tool, but the moment you push it upon people you’ve lost them. It’s not about telling people off, it’s about showing them how you live your life without coercing them.


#13

If you think you will sexually arouse him then that is your call. For now it doesn’t seem to be a problem


#14

well just my opinion, I hate changing in front of heterosexual men, why would you want to do it in front of your roommate, no matter what his orientation is?


#15

:thumbsup:i agree, what a weird question.


#16

I think it’s just his/her wording. I’m pretty sure the OP means, “would the Catholic understanding of modesty require” or something of that nature.


#17

That’s basically what I meant. I was on a swim team, so I’m no stranger to changing in front of other people. My only question was whether that would change based on the people nearby.


#18

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