So what's my calling?


#1

Hi everyone. I’m back on after taking some time off. I know i’ve probably asked this before but i’m not sure. My question is whether i’m called to be single.

Anyway, i’m wondering this because right now, while my spiritual life isn’t exactly in the best shape, I do feel comfortable and at peace with myself. Right now i’m single and to be honest I feel okay with being single the rest of my life. I have a decent job finally and within a few years i’ll hopefully be out of debt and might even be able to save quite a bit, though if i’ve learned anything in my 20’s its that you should be more flexible with your plans.

Anyway, I used to be so worried i’d be single forever and i also always thought that maybe I should be a priest because I thought being single was selfish. Anyway i never seriously pursued the priesthood and I don’t know if I seriously tried to find someone to marry, even though I wanted to be in a relationship so bad.

I guess i’ve matured in the past few years and while i still have my vocational doubts, i’m starting to feel like maybe being single the rest of my life wouldn’t be so bad. While i’d love to be married, i must admit i’m probably not the best catch due to some personal issues. Also, i feel like i would probably be just as happy being a single person. While I sometimes think it would be nice to be married I think I sometimes idealize it too much (as does our culture) and in all honesty i’m finding that maybe its okay being alone and it might be better for me.

The only problem with this is that I’m worried i’m making excuses. My prayer life sucks right now and while I go to mass and live a decent life, i’m probably just lukewarm as far as my faith goes. I also used to have a lot of self esteem problems and still find myself thinking these thoughts and I wonder if i’m just taking the easier route rather than the one that will be best for me.

However, I’ve also heard it said that your spouse is your biggest cross and that god won’t I’ve you a cross you can’t handle. So maybe I can’t handle marriage? I really don’t mean this in a sad way, but it is what it is. Honestly at this point i’d be okay being single. Part of me wants to be married, but part of me also wants to be a monk but their is very little chance of that happening with my debt load, at least in the new future and i’ll probably just above the age limit once i’m fully out of debt.

Another thing that makes me think I should be single too is that i’m just kind of an odd person. not that i’m weird or a creep, but autism runs in my family and to be honest I know i exhibit some traits though i’m definitely not on the spectrum according to certain tests. Part of me thinks that maybe i’m just the kind of guy who doesn’t need anyone. My only problem with this is that god hasn’t confirmed anything with me.

So what should I do. I know I wrote a novel so bear with me, but i’d love to know


#2

I seriously would like to be twenty something again, because i really had no clue what i was doing . I was very far from God, but i new something was missing, so at least i started seaking, but it was new age stuff. I wish someone could have shown me how to know God. Just one word from Him can change your whole life.

You will never know God’s will for your life unless you are ready to pursue God with all your heart. Thats just the way it is. To be his servant, you have to put it all on the altar. Begin (as many saints have) with Romans 12:1-2. The bible says many are called but few are chosen. Why? Because you must qualify yourself. You must prove your willingness and endurance.
Remember how Elisha burned his plow as a sign that he would not look back? You must be willing to make of yourself a living sacrifice,

There is much, much, much more to knowing God,but it is worth much more than anything
In the world. God has a great plan for your life.

Blessings

Jerry


#3

How would anyone here know? It something that YOU need to discern. Other than offer the standard platitudes that will be offered with good intentions, it is really up to you to seek the will of God. You didn’t ask for prayers so I will just wish you well and peace


#4

Thanks for the prayers.

I guess i just want some guidance and am trying to search for it any way i can since God seems to be silent on the issue for the moment. For all i know he’ll speak to me somewhere i least expect, whether its here or in my job. Who knows.

Also, i didn’t mention this earlier, but im wondering if maybe i am called to the priesthood. The problem is my financial situation. The thing is though I feel like maybe this is the way to go. I’m especially drawn to religious life, but I wonder if i’m just idealizing it since I think it will be nice because 1)I would like to have less possessions 2) I’d be less worried about things and would just focus on God 3)i’d be in a community with people of a similar mindset hopefully. Now i know this isn’t the case but I guess to me it just feels like religious life would be a radical way to live and i’d enjoy it. Yes it would be tough but life is tough. I feel like i’d find peace in religious life (particularly as a Franciscan) but i wonder if thats out of the picture due to my finances.


#5

May I suggest retreats taken at a monastery? I think there are monasteries that do offer retreat packages for those who are interested. This way you can see how they live and work.

You may also want to find yourself a spiritual director. Pray that you may be granted one. Take it one day at a time and ask God to reveal to you His will for this moment and this moment only. Try not to live too much in the future when there is only today to live.


#6

My young brother,
I really don’t want you to have to waste your time and your life because of wrong ideas like i did. I trying to give you some wise knowledge to put you ahead.

First, God is always speaking. He is always with us to give us direction. When Jesus was here he was always looking at tha Father to see what He was doing. We can do simular, but we need to first develop and activate our spiritual ear and eye. It takes work and practice and dedication. You want to walk by the spirit and not by the flesh. Then you don’t have to keep wondering and guessing as you are.

Second, do not think about money. That is God’s part,not yours. If you really do what He tells you to do, then He provides.

Asi said before, all you need to do now is to get to know your Shepherd. We are the sheep, and He guides us.

Bless you man, it is easy if you know Him. “My yoke is easy, My burden is light” .


#7

OK, there are lots of people who never marry. But to be single, you don’t have to do anything. So instead of navel-gazing, what are you doing? I don’t know you from anyone, so I can’t give you a clear answer as to what you ought to do or where you ought to go.

I always advise people in your situation to stop worrying about the matter of a lifelong vocation or anything; that always causes undue stress, often about things that you can never change. Focus instead on what has been called the vocation of the present moment: your work, your personal relationships, and so forth, and how you can live the Gospel through all of these, trusting that “the morrow will be solicitous for itself.”

As an aside note, I notice these vocational issues often arise when one is having difficulty with their job or workplace or simply needs a change of scenery. I don’t know if you’re in this boat, but think about that a little.

God bless.


#8

I’m not so much having difficulty in my work as much as I just want to make sure i’m following god’s plan. I’m fairly happy right now but lots of people in sin are “happy”. Also I just want to make the right choice. I feel like if I were to dedicate my life to something greater like being a a religious brother in a community that works with the poor, i wouldn’t worry as much and i’d just do what god tells me.

I think I am overthinking it though because in all honesty i’m fairly happy. But i just want to be happy for the right reasons, not just because I finally have a decent job and am feeling like maybe this is the place I should be. I just don’t want to settle. Its like a seminarian friend of mine says “be comfortable with being uncomfortable” I don’t want to get too comfortable


#9

Then go find a group of brothers that works with the poor and start talking with them. The trouble with a lot of vocational culture is that far too many people just discern discernment, rather than actually discerning a vocation. In fact, now that you are comfortable, in a state of consolation as Ignatius would say, is perhaps the perfect time to start the work of discernment. What do you have to lose?


#10

Honestly i’ve heard religious orders won’t take anyone with debt, and by the time i’m out fully i’ll be over 30 which might be too old


#11

I won’t go making life decisions based on what may be potentially untrue rumors. You could try making inquiries. At least you are doing something about it. There are also orders that may accept applicants that are over 30.

In the meantime look for volunteering opportunities. Just start doing something. It’s a lot better than overthinking and doing nothing.


#12

I concur. Don’t over-intellectualize and be like Hamlet. Find an order that you would like to discern with, visit them often and volunteer with them, and ask one of the priests or brothers there if he would be interested in spiritually directing you. If it’s guidance and direction you seek, you’ll do a lot better by actually doing the work the way thousands have done it before you rather than thinking that some random stranger has a path for you that will make all things better.

The ball is in your court, Nocoastlayman.


#13

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