Soccer Mom Syndrome


#1

So, I don’t have a husband or kids yet, but I am worried that I will be sucked into the athelics obsession. I am shocked at the number of women who have kids signed up for two sports at age 5. No offense if that’s you. :o

But is there room in the this world for being a traditional housewife, who who cooks as opposed to chaffeurs. Are there any good books/magazines out there on homemaking? No one has taught my generation this stuff.

Kendy


#2

Don’t worry about these things before it’s necessary. You’ll stress yourself out!

That said, you learn from other people… you can find a group of moms or one mom who will take you under her wing and she’ll help you where you need help.


#3

You’ll find when you do have kids that everyone does everything differently from you, or so it seems. And everyone has an opinion! So by the time they even reach nursery school, you’ll be pretty confident in how you want to parent, and probably pretty willing to buck convention.

I see the effect of daycare on kids, and of permissive parenting, and of overscheduling (not related!). I see how my kids thrived being breastfed, and eating normal foods rather than kid foods (marinated tofu is their favorite meal). I see how my 4 year old loves nursery school, when I know that homeschooling works for some families but it’s not for us. While I do do some things my friends do, there are plenty of other things that I do my own way, and it works really well for us.

You just get to the point where you know your kids, and you know what works for them. As for learning how to be a housewife, there are lots of books out there on keeping home. I’d also recommend FlyLady (there’s a website) as a good way to introduce routines into your week before you have kids. Kids thrive on routines, so you’ll figure out what routines are best for you at the age they are. There’s also a great book called Einstein Never Used Flash Cards, but I wouldn’t recommend pre-reading parenting books, as it all changes when you do have kids.

BTW, mine are 2 & 4 and are so polite (most of the time), kind (except when they’re fighting over a toy) and sweet (always!).


#4

My advice? Figure out what’s really important to you, research it, be prepared to defend it, learn to realize that while it MIGHT take a village to raise a child, it doesn’t mean anyone gets to tell you how to do it.

Then, be graceful when it all flies out the window when you hold your own baby in your arms. :stuck_out_tongue:

But is there room in the this world for being a traditional housewife, who who cooks as opposed to chaffeurs. Are there any good books/magazines out there on homemaking? No one has taught my generation this stuff.

Kendy

I’m a SAHM of four (so far) who cooks, bakes, sews, homeschools, won’t allow cable in the house, recycles, freecycles, gardens, and has been known to don an apron, June Cleaver-style. So if that’s what you mean by “traditional housewife”, then there’s room in the world for us!

I’d recommend “The Encyclopedia of Country Living”. It’s got tons of information on all the stuff we should have listened to the “old timers” about.


#5

What is freecycle?


#6

By traditional, it looks like you mean post-war 1950’s early 60’s USA?

Mom did not drive kids around, people lived in neighborhoods where kids walked or rode bikes to ball games/practices. Lessons, kids took piano lessons, and the kids went to the teacher’s home or to the church for those lessons.

Maybe you could look at moving to a small town, where kids can still ride bikes?

Many women did not even have a driver’s license, they did not have a second car. Stores would deliver or mom made one shopping trip on Saturday, doctors made house calls when your kid was sick.

Women cooked meals from scratch, did laundry, hung it out to dry, then ironed everything.

For books, Martha Stewart has books and magazines devoted to Home Keeping. Some good cook books like the Better Homes and Gardens cook book have good meal planning helps.


#7

Check out www.freecycle.org

It’s a philosophy that aims to keep as much stuff out of the landfills as possible by providing people, at the local level, with an outlet to give away their stuff that they don’t want anymore, but may be usable to others.

For example, we’ve had old chest freezers (broken), dehumidifiers (working, but missing the collection pan), and gas grills (minus the handle) taken off our hands by people in the area who can use them. We’ve also found bags of dog food, children’s clothing, and bikes that others didn’t want that we could use.


#8

Is the this the book your talking about? It looks interesting. :slight_smile:

OP, I agree with the others. I have been a sahm most of my married life and we do not do all that much running around. I’m a substitute teacher now.
We are basically homebodies. When you get married and start your family you do what works best for your family, regardless of what the people around you are doing. Case in point, I’m one of the very few in our family that actually breast fed. Also, dh’s parents assumed that we would be like all the other people and hand our babies off to them to watch will we did all this running around. They were wrong. Our babies stayed with us until they were a year and then we slowly worked in some alone time with them and the grandparents. Over night visits did not start until after the kids turned 2 yr old. Dh’s parents didn’t like it but they adjusted.

Don’t worry about it. When the time comes you will do what is right for your family.:slight_smile:


#9

Ummm…thanks, but no thanks on a return to the dark ages of housekeeping where drudgery monopolized a woman’s time from sun up to sundown.

Your involvement along with your kids’ involvement in extracurriculars DOES serve some good purposes. As with anything, the key is balance. We’ve had some marvelous family times at basesball, soccer, football games and participating in ski, tennis and golf lessons. My kids have skills and interests that will provide a lifetime of recreation. We have also had some great friendships develop as a result of our kids sharing a playing field or us parents walking the sidelines cheering them on. Don’t knock it until you try it! (and remember kids come packaged with more energy than you’ll know what to do with~a few organized activities can be a welcome thing for a mom!)


#10

Ok, I am not a mom but a dad and my two kids have no disire for organized sports. I do, however, have 1,300 other kids. I am a DRE at a large parish. Many families are involved with sports. Notice I said families - not just kids. Many of the kids that are involved with sports are the most well adjusted kids I know. My own sister has two boys. My bro-in-law coaches the teams - or is at least involved. Dance and martial arts are very big in this area. Very few kids or moms seem to be suffering from it.

Don’t fret over what God has not given you yet.


#11

Im one of 4 kids
On average in any given winter, I’d play hockey, soccer and basketball…times that by 4 lol
My Dad had years where he coached 5 teams and my mom managed 3-4
Certainly hectic but weekends were never a bore…there was always hockey to go watch! :smiley:


#12

I have huge respect for “soccer moms!”

My wife is one. I’ve tried to fill in from time to time, and WOW. All I can say is that I’m glad I don’t have to do it full time!:smiley:

Plus, my wife has met most of her good friends through all the activities that our kids are in. She gets her “adult” time this way.

However, she did get suckered into being the den mom of our cub scouts! Don’t think she saw that one comming!

God bless her and all of you!

And you too, if you’re not one!:slight_smile:


#13

do what my mom did, don’t learn to drive until your kids are in college


#14

I am a mother of five children and I work full time on a graveyard shift. We decide what we can take on and what can wait.

We did basketball for three kids one year and it was very stressfull.

Three kids who had to be at three different places at the same time. And only two parents.Thank the Lord our oldest had her license and could help us out. But we had to juggle our time because they all wanted mom and dad to watch!

They all can sign up for sports in 7th grade.

We also do band for our two girls and that was getting alittle crazy until our oldest graduated:clapping:

I cook (alot) and teach them how to also. We clean house together as a family and they are responsible for their rooms. After dinner we clear the dinner table and we sit and do homework together step by step until everyone is done. We also do laundry together. Sorting socks as we sit on the floor and talk is kinda of fun…kinda.

My husband works full time on days, I like to think of us as a tag team:p

It is good to keep the kids busy but you can decide how that can be done.

Our children have youth group on Mondays and religious ed on Wednesdays and Confession on every third Saturday of the month and Mass on Sundays.


#15

Signing up a kid for two sports at that age is not necessarily a bad thing–it depends on the reason. My 6 year old grandaughter takes swimming lessons, plays soccer, has taken gymnastics,and plays T-ball. But she only does 2 things at a time, They rotate sports. The reason? My daughter is trying to encourage her in an active lifestyle which includes physical exercise, rather than sitting in front of the TV or at the computer. The point is to have fun and develop a healthy body and lifestyle–not just to compete.

Your attitude toward these things is what will influence your child’s attitude. Just choose carefully what you involve your child in and see how much the child and you can handle. And you do not have to live in your car–just be selective and don’t become a slave to the sports scene. There is plenty of room for a traditional homemaker, an option which more and more young women are choosing these days. I know a lot of young women–my daughter’s friends–that have given up lucrative careers, as my daughter did, to stay home and raise their children. And they are quite happy doing it even when it means a tight budget.


#16

My daughters were figure skaters.

When they were in grade school, we got up at 5:00 A.M. and drove to the rink so that they could practice for a few hours before school. This continued all the way through grade school.

When they were in middle school and high school, we got up at 3: 30 A.M. on Saturdays and Sundays so that we could drive 65 miles to the nearby Big City so that they could practice with their internationally-ranked synchronized skating team. Practice started at 5:00 A.M. and lasted until around 1: 00 P.M.

We loved it. Absolutely loved it. We would do it all again. In fact, my husband and I are paying for our nephew to take Learn To Skate classes, and both of us hope he’ll continue and get as involved as our daughters were!

My husband skates four nights/mornings a week and is working on his Ice Dance tests.

My older daughter is moving to California and hoping to join an Adult synchro team. She skated in a television commercial last year at the holidays.

My younger daughter is 22 now, married, and spends several evenings a week at the skating rink coaching singles skaters and synchro teams. She gets paid good money–$34/hour.

And I write novels for kids about synchronized skating.

My point is that if sports are what your family is about, go for it. For some reason, our family is a skating family. Perhaps it has something to do with our parents; my parents had a roller skating rink set up in our basement and my earliest memories are sitting on the steps watching them and their friends skating around the basement to songs on the record player. They were GOOD!

And my husband’s father was an ice fisherman and while he was hunched over a line in his little tent, my husband and all the other kids would ice skate on the lake.

If sports are not your thing, then do what makes your family happy and healthy and gives you memories for a lifetime.

I would highly recommend the ice skating sports. Figure skating, hockey, and speedskating are all great sports. Get the Olympic rings out of your eyes, though, and set goals of fun, friends, and fitness. That’s all most people achieve in the sport anyway.

And if you’ve never seen synchronized skating, here’s a link. (The teams on this link are all Senior level teams, the most advanced level. But there are teams for all ages, including Tot teams.):youtube.com/watch?v=ksnNHytIz4s


#17

Why does one need two sports to stay active? How about playing? My sister and I used to coming up with fun games with just about anything. We use to grab a skirt put it our heads to pretend we have long hair and run around for hours with imagined stories of our lives as beautiful long-hair women. And that was just game. Do you know how much kids can do with card boards and dirt?

I am just worried that all this child-centered parenting might lead to child-centered children. Not to speak about your granddaughters, whom I know nothing about. :blush:


#18

I like parent-centered parenting, It just so happens I am an ultra-cool parent and my kids enjoy my fun stuff.

Kendy, just chill until you have kids. Please do not try to raise adult-centered children. They will be boring and will be picked on. Kids need to be kids. Adult couples that don’t want to have child-centered families are DINKS - Double Income - No Kids. And they are the ones that never seem happy. I was at a cub scout meeting with my 7 year old last night. We were all singing silly songs and had a tounge-twister contest - I won! Does that make me stupidly child-centered or a good dad?


#19

our practice, which DD also follows, was to limit one sport and one enrichment activity per semester. that mean someone in scouts or music lessons all year could only have one sport each season as another activity. my kids were able to get to most things on bikes or public transit, since we only had one car throughout our marriage and our town, Cleveland, had good PT. I realize kids nowdays must be kept firmly under a parental wing until they enter college or the army so that freedom is no longer possible. But it is still for you, the parent, to set the limits based on what is available in time and resources for your family.


#20

There can be too much of a good thing. When the time comes, you just need to keep your eye on your kids and what is best for them - I think that some people get swept up in “what everyone’s doing” and forget that they don’t need to follow any one family’s way of doing things. Plus, if you guessed how a family is doing things you’d probably get it wrong.

I like my kids to play, too. I find that sports at too young an age and/or too many sports can kill the imagination and lead to burn out (can is the key word here). But they do participate - I just don’t let them sign up for everything that comes down the pike.


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