Social Pressure to Contracept / Have a Vasectomy


#1

I'd be interested to hear of people's experiences here. It started the moment we had our second child and became a serious issue after no three. Almost complete strangers seem to want to tell me to have a coil or my tubes tied and my husband is endlessly told he should have a vasectomy.

My doctor knows beter and is very supportive and our close friends know what we believe (even if they find it difficult to understand) but others take one look at our family and remark - do you find this ?


#2

I wouldn't call it "social pressure"... but more like people GREATLY overstepping boundaries of personal choices! It's just plain RUDE!

The best way we've found to respond to rude comments is to just roll with it in a positive tone... "Well, we just make really cute kids!", or something quippy or funny... don't feed into their negativity...


#3

Consider this the devil in disguise wanting you to enter into continual grave sin. Your soul is at stake.

Most people you encounter are not aware at all this is what they are suggesting. Don't fall into the trap. Ignore these people for one reason at least, your eternal soul is at risk.

When you hear this suggestion next, recall the serpent tempting Eve in the Garded of Eden. It is the same situation really.


#4

[quote="SusanneT, post:1, topic:244529"]
Almost complete strangers seem to want to tell me to have a coil or my tubes tied and my husband is endlessly told he should have a vasectomy.

. . . . . others take one look at our family and remark - do you find this ?

[/quote]

What you are hearing is the sound of their consciences being pricked.

Keep up the good work!!!!:thumbsup:

If you are dealing with devout Protestants, my signature links to a great article by a Protestant about how Protestantism has fallen away from traditional Christian teaching.


#5

[quote="SusanneT, post:1, topic:244529"]
I'd be interested to hear of people's experiences here. It started the moment we had our second child and became a serious issue after no three. Almost complete strangers seem to want to tell me to have a coil or my tubes tied and my husband is *endlessly told he should have a vasectomy. *

My doctor knows beter and is very supportive and our close friends know what we believe (even if they find it difficult to understand) but others take one look at our family and remark - do you find this ?

[/quote]

As I do not plan on having any children of my own I could never go through with allowing a doctor near my nuts to render them useless. It would be the end of my Manhood as I know it! Now I'm no expert on all things Roman Catholic, as I'm new to the faith and I'm in my second month with the faith, but, would it not be against the rules to practice any form of Birth Control?? Just guessing here that it is against the rules and the only solution is to not have any sex, i.e. practice abstinence. My best wishes with any decision to be taken as it is your life and your bodies. Bless.:o


#6

Strangers telling me how I need to contracept, stop having kids, etc...is an extreme pet peeve of mine! One of these days I know I'm going to end up saying "you know what? I don't tell you that you should try to have more babies, so don't tell me when to quit!" or "the next time you're involved in my baby making process, you are more than welcome to express your opinion about how wrong you think it is." Now, knowing me, I'll never say those words out loud. I have told people (i.e. My mother-in-law) that the only people who have any say-so in how many kids we have are me, my husband, and God, in a cheerful, kind tone, of course :)
It's very personal, in my opinion. To me, it's the same as some stranger asking me "so, how many times a week do you and your husband have sex?" Yes, that may seem extreme, but it is THAT personal to ME. I NEVER ask people how many kids they're gonna have, nor do I ask newlyweds when they're gonna start having kids. It's not my business. I wish more people viewed it that way. Oh, well. That's our society, I guess...


#7

I know a woman w/ 12 kids who wouldn't mind more. When people ask her husband when they plan to stop, he says, "When we get an ugly one."

I don't think people realize they are asking about your sex life. Maybe if there was a kind retort that pointed that out, they would stop.


#8

My wife and I have five kids and used to get the same treatment. Now we just say that we personally believe that contraception and sterilization is an affront to God. It is a very direct way to say and I can almost guarantee that you will not be asked again. If they ask you why you think that, be prepared to answer it. If you search the board you will find lots of great resources.

As one poster put, it will prick their consciences. They know its wrong, but are not strong enough to fight. Be that beacon of light for them.


#9

I have four siblings and people always look surprised when I tell them that.
Though to be honest I'm always equally surprised when I hear that people have as many siblings as me.
It's become very rare now to have more than maybe two children.
I always hear in TV shows it's always 'ugh we have all these children, we'd better get sterilised'. Admittedly that's TV but I think it reflects what I hear from people who have children at the attitude people have to large families.


#10

[quote="KCT, post:7, topic:244529"]
I know a woman w/ 12 kids who wouldn't mind more. When people ask her husband when they plan to stop, he says, "When we get an ugly one."

[/quote]

That's cute. O course, I wonder how the baby of the family feels, always wondering if there will be another one after him... ;)


#11

^ Ouch! I know, eventually the woman will reach menopause and be too old to have more kids.


#12

Of course those people are rude. On a bad day I would say 'It's good you don't want more kids, I am scared they would turn out just like you'

I have been at parties where a couple walked in with their four kids and someone in the other room kept saying 'John and Marie on are #4' and showing 4 fingers and I remember being in disbelief that someone would act like that.

Once I was having coffee with a man I met at church and he asked me 'How many kids will you have' to which I replied 'Whatever God sends me', to which he rolled his eyes. Sad but people just don't get it.

CM


#13

[quote="SusanneT, post:1, topic:244529"]
I'd be interested to hear of people's experiences here. It started the moment we had our second child and became a serious issue after no three. Almost complete strangers seem to want to tell me to have a coil or my tubes tied and my husband is endlessly told he should have a vasectomy.

My doctor knows beter and is very supportive and our close friends know what we believe (even if they find it difficult to understand) but others take one look at our family and remark - do you find this ?

[/quote]

We have four and go through this all the time. However, with us it's family, not friends. I should point out that it's from our lifelong Catholic part of the family. "Don't you know what causes that? Shouldn't one of you be fixed by now? Don't you dare even think of having another!" We've been reminded that they make pills/condoms that will stop "that sort of thing." We received absolutely no sympathy from the bulk of the family when we had our miscarriage, and were treated to constant looks of absolute disgust throughout our entire last pregnancy from a couple of them. When we show up to family functions now, we're ignored completely by some, and have cleared entire rooms with our presence. A handful of them have yet to acknowledge that our daughter exists, even though they've been in the same room--sat at the same table, even--as her more than a few times. Since she was born, we've gotten together with the family at local restaurants a few times and they go as far as moving and rearranging chairs and tables so that we can't sit with the rest of the family (they even did this when my wife was still recovering from her C-section, leaving only a small table on the far side of the room for the two of us, requiring her to walk about 50 extra feet). The most recent time this happened, we showed up, said hi, one person responded while the rest didn't even look our way. We sat at our little side table, ate dinner, got up, said goodbye and nobody responded. Later that night I got a call from my mother who wanted to know if everything was okay because she had gotten several reports about how rude we'd been, with one person telling her that if we were going to treat people like that we shouldn't show up to family gatherings. Although some of them have always treated us pretty bad, this absurd level of treatment started as soon as the baby was born. I'm running out of reasons to show up to family gatherings at this point.


#14

[quote="SusanneT, post:1, topic:244529"]
I'd be interested to hear of people's experiences here. It started the moment we had our second child and became a serious issue after no three. Almost complete strangers seem to want to tell me to have a coil or my tubes tied and my husband is endlessly told he should have a vasectomy.

My doctor knows beter and is very supportive and our close friends know what we believe (even if they find it difficult to understand) but others take one look at our family and remark - do you find this ?

[/quote]

Yes, but it lessened significantly after we passed the socially acceptable number of children. Now, kind strangers sometimes tell us that they come from large families. My favorite comments come from the quiet, little old ladies who softly tell me how many children they had. We still get an occassional negative comment or two, but not nearly as many as we once did. Maybe people realized that we weren't listening, maybe we started hanging out in different places with different crowds, maybe I give off looks that can kill, or maybe I just can't hear rude strangers over the noise from all my children. Whatever the case, I hear more positive comments now.


#15

I get fewer comments now we are having number six.People have either figured it out,or assume we are quite mad and unreachable:D


#16

When I was pregnant (I only have 1 so far) a girl at work asked me if I was going to get an IUD after I had the baby. :eek: Ummm, no, I'd rather not kill conceived babies before they get a chance to implant, thanks.


#17

[quote="gardenswithkids, post:14, topic:244529"]
...maybe I just can't hear rude strangers over the noise from all my children.

[/quote]

:rotfl: :thumbsup:

[quote="GracedUpon, post:16, topic:244529"]
When I was pregnant (I only have 1 so far) a girl at work asked me if I was going to get an IUD after I had the baby. :eek: Ummm, no, I'd rather not kill conceived babies before they get a chance to implant, thanks.

[/quote]

A "Catholic" friend of mine has an IUD. I tried explaining all the reasons why it's wrong, but she said it's the "right choice" for them. We still hang out and our kids play together, so at least she hasn't shunned me and maybe God will help me help her somehow in the future. :shrug:

We've gotten plenty of the same comments about getting "fixed." I really hate that term, it's not fixing anything, it's ruining so much! If I could have lots and lots of children I would totally do so, but DH isn't on board. :(


#18

[quote="KCT, post:7, topic:244529"]
I know a woman w/ 12 kids who wouldn't mind more. When people ask her husband when they plan to stop, he says, "When we get an ugly one."

I don't think people realize they are asking about your sex life. Maybe if there was a kind retort that pointed that out, they would stop.

[/quote]

Reminds me of a story told at the funeral of a guy I knew, who had twelve children. One of his daughters reminisced about how he was often heckled by one of his coworkers after the birth of each child past two. The coworker had two children, both girls, and didn’t plan any more. He would say to her dad, “Don’t you know that there’s a way to put a stop to this?” She said that her dad got tired of the badgering, and finally told the coworker, “Gosh Sam, don’t you know that a full house beats a pair of queens?” Then she said, “I’m glad they didn’t stop, because I am number twelve, and I'm glad to be here.”


#19

[quote="Belle10, post:17, topic:244529"]
A "Catholic" friend of mine has an IUD. I tried explaining all the reasons why it's wrong, but she said it's the "right choice" for them. We still hang out and our kids play together, so at least she hasn't shunned me and maybe God will help me help her somehow in the future. :shrug:

[/quote]

One of my wife's friends is also a really big proponent of IUD's, to the point that she almost had my wife sold on the idea several years ago. This friend is also "Catholic," and is very active in our parish. When we had our miscarriage she was certain that pregnancy had been an accident (we already had three, so why on earth would we get pregnant a fourth time unless it was a mistake?). When we ended up pregnant with our daughter she asked my wife how we could have had another "mistake" so soon after the miscarriage. When my wife told her that, not only was it a planned pregnancy, but that we didn't use contraception, she was shocked. My wife pointed out that, aside from wanting more kids and not wanting the health risks, we were also trying to follow the Church's teachings. She told her we were crazy and said, "You do realize nobody believes that stuff [as in, the teachings against contraception] anymore, right?" :shrug:


closed #20

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