Sorry in advance for the long post - but I appreciate any advice:)
About a year ago, my best friend of over 14 years and I started seeing each other. For a long time, there had been a running joke among our circle of friends that the two of us would end up married, but neither of us had really looked at our relationship in that way. Eventually, though, the two of us began to see what our friends saw and our relationship moved beyond mere friendship. However, a variety of circumstances, including the fact that he was planning to move five hours away at the end of last August to finish his schooling, kept us from ever making the relationship “official”. Following him on his move was not an option for me as I am still working on my degree and would have difficulty transferring classes.
Apart from the fact that he was moving, both of us were in a position where marriage within the next couple of years was certainly an option, and something that both of us thought and talked about a fair amount.
It was decided that instead of us trying to keep up a long distance relationship over the next couple of years while we finish school, we would simply remain friends and when I finished my degree (because I would be done first), I would move to where he was and we could revisit the relationship. Looking back, I see that this was rather idealistic, but it seemed to make sense at the time.
However, a couple months after the move things started to get a little messy. A mutual friend of ours told me that he was again dating his old girlfriend. I was hurt, but at the same time knew that he and I had agreed to be nothing more than friends for the time being.
When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that maybe in the future the two of us will work out, but for right now he’s going to stay with his girlfriend. Anyways, things progressed, he acted like a jerk about things not only to me but to others as well, and to make a long story short(er), the two of us had quite a falling out and we both said things in anger that I’m sure we didn’t mean - at least I know I did, including that I could never fall in love with him after all of this.
Which brings me to now. We’re both in a place where we can certainly be decent to each other and make small talk when in the same room. Since we both share a similar group of friends, it’s nearly impossible to avoid each other completely, nor do I want to. However, he recently sent me an email saying that he could not be friends with me without falling for me again and he just wants to stop thinking about what might have been.
Both of us are strong Catholics. And I strongly believe in forgiveness, and second chances. But I also believe there comes a time when you simply have to move on. He’s also still dating his girlfriend - which makes me feel like I have no right to tell him that I was angry when I said the things I did and maybe could fall in love with him again if things changed. And the fact that he’s still with his girlfriend while telling me this is a little bit troubling to me.
So, in all of this, I guess I’m really just looking for some advice. I’ve prayed about the situation a lot. And I’ve really been meditating on Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…” and Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you…” But I’m really at a loss here at what to do. Any advice or perspectives you’re able to share is greatly appreciated!