Some people should never reproduce


#1

Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.


#2

Just because a woman is not a good mother it does not follow that her children have no worth.

For a start - they each have an immortal soul which would not have existed otherwise.

And what you choose to do with your life is up to you.


#3

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

Is there a way of anonymously tipping off animal welfare? If you did, could she be certain it was you and not the neighbours or anybody else?

Are any of the animals outdoors where passers by can see them?


#4

You cant blame your mother for the way your life is, and you call her useless etc and yet the woman is generous enough to support you financially,


#5

I know what you mean Pedro. You see so many stories about abandoned babies and abused children and you wonder how these people are allowed to reproduce. Think of it. You have to show all kinds of id to vote. You take tests to drive and get a license. You submit dozens of pages of info to buy a house. But anyone can have a child. Anyone. Your mother is in serious need of professional help. If you can keep your own financially, don't get pulled into her lifestyle--live alone. And Pedro, please don't take your frustration out on the animals--they're suffering, too.

Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.


#6

It is a vexing question. Similar leaning questions have been raised at different times regarding sterilizing the handicapped and castrating paedophiles since having this option would save lots of people lots of suffering and difficulty in life.

I think it's important to keep sight of the fact that mostly people are the way they are because of something about their own upbringing that causes insurmountable disorders. Some problems are recognised as such and society steps in with interventions but as a society, we are still failing to intervene too often to assist where someone needs the assistance.

Falling back on an option to sterilize problem people would make it even less likely that society feels a responsibility towards it's people from charity and compassion.


#7

Pedro, I'm sorry that you feel this way. That you feel life itself is a burden to you. I hope and pray that you come to realise that life is not a burden (even though it is hard at times) but is a gift from our generous God. God wishes to embrace you as His own adopted son, and where our own parents fall short, He will not.

But, as another posted points out, there is something of a contradiction in the way you describe your mother and the fact that you continue to allow her to support you. Perhaps it is time to stand on your own two feet and not rely on financial support from someone you consider abusive, irresponsible, useless, etc. Or if you do accept such support, you should consider that a certain amount of respect is owed with it.


#8

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

Pedro none of us are perfect and in her way she's trying to care for animals as well as support you. As for wishing you had been aborted, well that is hardly a solution that would work. You have been born and you're a bright man with a love for God. We all have free will and Our Lord knows both you and your mum are his children and he loves you both. You are still a young man with your whole life ahead of you so dont despair. Dont lose sight of the fact that your life is in your hands, you have possibilities that could take you anywhere in the world! I would suggest you sort out your education and set yourself some goals. When you have direction you'll feel more positive.

Remember you matter to God and to your brothers and sisters in the faith. A birth is a gift from God and should be celebrated. Not all parents make good parents, but that doesn't stop the child from being very special. I'll keep you in my prayers God bless.


#9

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

I am sorry you feel this way, but can you understand that for some reason God decided, not your mother, not really, God decided that you needed to be born. That you had a purpose, a reason for your existence. Your mom grew your body but your soul came from God. I'm sorry you had a hard childhood. I can't even imagine. But God says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...." Jeremiah 1:5
You're here for a reason, not as a punishment. You just need to find that reason.
To answer your question, who are we to play God. If these babies are born, there is a reason. Just because you don't seem to like that you exist, doesn't mean others born in your same situation don't. Look at Mother Theresa, she saw the worst of the worst of existences, and yet she knew each life was precious and ordained by God.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:8-11


#10

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

I am glad you were born and that you are here to post. I am sorry things are such a mess with your mother. I hope you can come to terms with your life, make good choices, and learn to love yourself.

I dropped out of a Ph.D. program some years ago because it wasn't for me but moved on and found other work. Maybe you can find a job and try college later.

I have some health issues and chose not to have children. This was accepted and even encouraged in my family. My sister has 2 kids and we love them. However, I'm generation X. A lot of women born before me grew up with the idea that they had to have kids.


#11

Pedro,

I understand where you're coming from. Not completely, but I understand what it's like to have an irresponsible mother.

But the problem at the root of it isn't her. It isn't your life. It's years and decades of bad parenting that resulted in your mother absorbing nothing conducive to being a good mother.

You are the next generation in your mother's line to change that. You can learn how to become a way better parent than your mother - because your mother didn't know how to raise you. Or you can give up your life to God; surely you must have many problems you can give to give to solve for decades to come. Your prayers would be helpful if applied, especially as a monk, a priest, etc. And at the same time you can help defeat Satan by snuffing out any demons that have been persecuting your bloodline.

The point being you know something is wrong with what your mother did to you. You can turn it around so future generations you raise either don't exist, or are raised far better than you were raised.


#12

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids?

[/quote]

Who is "we"? Not the Church. The Church encourages those called to the vocation of marriage to lovingly welcome children if possible. Those who are are not married are called to chasisty.

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]

Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)?

[/quote]

Who is "we"? Again, not the Church.

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]

I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

Your existence is not defined by your mother. It is what you make of it. If you want to be wretched, you shall be. If you want to be successful, you shall be.


#13

Actually, I agree: Some people are not called to marriage and parenthood, and they should remain single and celibate.

However, you are here: Your mother doesn't define your life, and God willed you into existence. Seek His plan for your life, and maintain some separation from her, including financial separation, until you can view her as a fellow suffering human being and can move beyond your resentment of her.


#14

Not to hijack this thread, but I have always wondered about this because there are some pretty crummy situations with women who shouldn't (at least in our eyes, In god's eyes it might be way different) have children.

Anyway, there is this couple in our church. They have had about 10 kids. While this is a great blessing, lets just say the mother isn't exactly mentally fit and the father isn't either (maybe at the time of their marriage they were, but who knows). Anyway they are a family who doesn't make much money (I understand money isn't everything, but they barely can take care of their kids) and from what i've heard the family kind of lives in squalor and bad living conditions, including sheets that are never clean. The kids themselves also have a range of learning disabilities that are pretty severe.

While I don't think those kids should have been aborted and don't think the mom should have been sterilized, you'd think somebody in the church would tell them that maybe NFP is the answer, or if the mother wasn't mentally capable to take care of her kids, you'd think they'd tell her she couldn't get married. They could have put a clamp on this situation at least. It's tougher when its single moms because you can't police their lifestyle.

I guess what helps me with this situation though is that God doesn't make mistakes. We are all here for a reason. Abortion to me is like slapping God in the face. Yes you could say that most of those aborted would have ended up being "trash' (sadly i've heard this argument) But everyone has the potential to be a saint. Not all of us will get to heaven, but God gives us a chance and wants us to experience life.


#15

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

While I can see you are in misery, I can also see your mother needs help. Serious help.

Hoarding is an illness. While it's not easy if you were raised by someone like that aren't we supposed to see Christ in such people?


#16

[quote="Pedro_1987, post:1, topic:323971"]
Let me start off by saying that I fully support the Catholic Church, and always will. I am not arguing her teaching on abortion. I know that it is wrong.

I just wish that my mother had chosen it. She wasn't an outright abusive person, but she was quite useless. She is incredibly irresponsible, even now in her sixties, she still has the mentality of a teenager. She hasn't got a clue how to take of herself, let alone me. She got pregnant by some random guy, who up until recently, she lead me to believe was dead. As life progressed, she turned into an animal hoarder, and is completely unstable. Up to forty dogs in one household and freely allowing vermin to roam (killing them would be "animal cruelty"). The more time that passes, the less sympathy I feel for her. I have done everything in my power to stay away, but since I messed up at college, it looks like I'll be going back there any time now. The only reason I haven't had every last animal destroyed is because she still supports me somewhat financially, forcing me to feel obligation.

Why do we blindly encourage everybody to have kids? Why do we applaud everybody who pops out a baby, even such idiots who aren't fit to raise a kid at all (but are only . slightly fit enough to not have them taken away)? I wish I had been spared this wretched existance.

[/quote]

Your mother did not abuse you and supports you financially and you say she is useless. She chose not to abort you so she found your life to be ou at this stageprecious. Your mother has some issues obviously and needs help, not condemnation. You are an adult, your mother shouldn't have to take care of you.

You need not go back home, find a job, support yourself and pay yourself .for your higher education, join a support group, find purpose in your life, forgive your mother. Talk to a priest, get counselling.
Taking out your anger and frustration with your mother on the dogs by threatening to 'destroy' them is not very Christian. Do you have relatives who can help her/find help for her with her hoarding problem.

God guide and bless you.


#17

[quote="severus68, post:16, topic:323971"]
Your mother did not abuse you and supports you financially and you say she is useless.

[/quote]

Not physical abuse per se, but she certainly did some mental and emotional damage. You don't seem to understand what I'm getting at, so let me paint a picture of my upbringing for you. Imagine living in a place for nearly two decades that constantly reeks of animal excrement, and never gets any better, in fact it only gets worse. Then put on top of that constant barking along with bugs of several kinds everywhere. Now, on top of all, you are called an idiot or an animal hater for being the only one pointing out that there is some sort of problem. Being emotionally treated like dirt for being the only one that saw that the place was madness, and the consolation being a few toys.

And her giving any kind of support is to make herself feel better, not me.

Taking out your anger and frustration with your mother on the dogs by threatening to 'destroy' them is not very Christian.

Aw, the dogs, poor little dogs. Seriously, I feel no compassion at all for the dogs; they have done nothing except make my upbringing miserable and shameful and made my mother's life difficult. Also, since they're just animals, and thus have no souls, I don't see a reason why I should feel bad about my feelings that they should be destroyed.

Do you have relatives who can help her/find help for her with her hoarding problem.

Nobody that's willing to help. Everybody chooses to ignore the problem like it isn't there.


#18

Your mother still needs help. Nothing changes that.

You have free will. Some things will be tougher for you because of how you were raised, but you do have free will.

Mom seems mentally ill, and maybe compassion for her will come in time. The dogs might be the key....people are often moved to help animals where they will not help people.

When you are in the midst of things it's not always easy for compassion to show, but that is what Christians are called to do.

Seems like you need some help, too. Prayers all around.


#19

[quote="severus68, post:16, topic:323971"]
Your mother did not abuse you and supports you financially and you say she is useless. She chose not to abort you so she found your life to be ou at this stageprecious. Your mother has some issues obviously and needs help, not condemnation. You are an adult, your mother shouldn't have to take care of you.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

Okay, OP, so you "messed up" at college. That doesn't mean that you have to go back home.

Simply stay away. Don't go back. Support yourself.


#20

It seems to me you might be asking, "Why did God give us free will?" and "Why was there no mental help available for my mom?"

We all have free will. Your mom chose to have sex. Sex makes babies.

Were there people in her life who could have directed her to help? Did she reject help?

No one celebrates bringing up children in situations such as yours. But once a child is created, he or she is a unique soul loved by God.

I hope you can get help and make a life for yourself.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.