Hello, I usually don’t post and forgive me if this turns out really long. I just don’t have many people to go to in my life with these things. To begin, I’m 18 and enrolled at a top tier university for the fall and I’m scared of going. My family, teachers, and everyone else is happy about that but me because I don’t know whether I would like it there. I applied under Early Decision, so, if I was admitted, I would have to go unless I could not afford it. And, they gave me a financial aide package that I’d be stupid to refuse. I know it was a bad idea to apply ED, but, I had no idea what I was doing through the whole college application processes and neither did my parents (neither were raised or educated in this country). So, it was like pressing random buttons in hopes something goes right.
Anything, I’m scared as hell that I’m not going to do well in a place full of prodigies. Sure, my grades are good, but, that is because I’ve done nothing but bust my back over them these past four years. I’m not actually that smart and I lack talent, personality, and common sense. From the remarks my parents make about me, even they probably wonder how I dress myself in the morning.
I’m afraid of living there even though it’s a half-hour away from my home (freshman have to live on campus and I can’t drive anyway). I’ve always hated being around people my own age since nursery school and it’s always a huge relief to be back home from school even if my family is usually at each other’s throats. I’m just scared that I won’t like my roommate (everyone tells me that your roommate is your first friend in college), I’m worried I’ll stick out to much, and I’m afraid that people will give me garbage over my religion (I don’t exactly advertise it, but, I’m afraid of having to express an opinion for class).
I want to become some sort of health professional, not a doctor though, but, I have no clue what to do in college to make that happen and I’m afraid of making a bunch of a bad choices and not be able to find a job later. I’m also afraid of failing my classes.
On top of that, I’ve gone to an all-girls high school and have not spoken to a male my age in four years and I’m scared of guys now. I usually don’t see them around, but, if I’m walking somewhere and a guy says something, I just pick up the pace and walk by without making eye contact or go to the other side of the street.
Anyway, I think that is the gist of it. Sorry I don’t know how to split this in several threads as everything seems too closely related. Pardon any typos, I just needed to do this fast and I can elaborate on anything needed later. Please don’t assume the worst of me; someone did that in another thread of mine a long time ago and that has put me of from posting since. It just cut through me. Thanks. Sorry for anything that hasn’t occurred to me to be sorry for at this moment.