Just earlier, I looked at porn. I don’t know what came over me, but I was angry and upset. I don’t ever look at that stuff, but I did, and I felt so guilty. When my girlfriend got home from work I told her what I did. I wasn’t sure how she would react. I have messed up before and she forgave me for it, but she isn’t sure what to do now. She doesn’t know if she can trust me now. I love her more than anything. I want her to know she can trust me. She has always told me she will forgive me no matter what I do, but she said she doesn’t know if she can this time. I’m so scared of loosing her. She means so much to me. I never thought she would react the way she did, but I understand. She said she doesn’t know if we will last now. I have never been this scared in my whole life. Please someone help me. I love her and I want to make this better. I will try as hard as I can to never do anything like that again. I’m just so scared right now.
Well, prayers are headed your way for sure.
Have you been to this website? trueknights.org/ It is a fraternity of men who are fighting addiction to porn.
Do you and your girlfriend pray together?
This next question I don’t need answered, but you need to answer it for yourself - are you and your girlfriend having relations? IMO that can only hurt your fight, because if you are not striving to be faithful to the Lord in that regard, it will be hard to ask his help in such a closely related matter. My opinion.
Hope I don’t sound like a prude. I’m a woman, but some forms of porn and sexual addiction were lifted from me at the same moment the Lord showed me the truth of the Eucharist in the Catholic church - I was very blessed, I didn’t have the same struggle some people do.
It is natural to be curious about porn, but you have to be afraid of looking at it. Look upon your fear and anxiety as a gift. Perhaps it will help you never look again. Praise God for the anxiety you feel!!!
Also it would be good if you made sure you were respecting ALL women, whether they be porn models your girl friend or your mother. Show your girl friend the respect and love she deserves in not engaging in sex before marriage, because that is just using her body as you would use a porn model’s body. Or if you are already holding to that, then show her respect in other ways.
If she leaves you for slipping like this, then perhaps it is for the best. Marriage is a commitment and once you are married that is it so you better choose a partner who can forgive you over the next possibly 50 years of marriage.
Frankly, with some things it may be best NOT to confess to anyone but your priest. I can see why a woman would not appreciate the temptation that men might all too easily fall into in viewing pornography. And, yet, if it is true that this is not something normally a problem for you, but simply a slip, then one would hope that your girlfriend can come to be able to understand that you’re simply human. She’ll need to come to forgive you a million times over for who knows what if your relationship lasts, and she may have to support and help you to overcome more serious sinful tendencies which you find yourself fighting for a lifetime. So I’d agree with the above comment wholly.
Wow, I think your GF is being a bit harsh on you, I don’t think you’re the 1st catholic man to struggle with this nor you’ll be the last… And I don’t think it defines your whole personality, specially if this is a slip and you don’t do it daily or compulsively… Therefore, it’s wrong to assume “it won’t last” because of this slip… After all, you’re only human! We ALL strive for Holiness, and if remaining pure (in every sense) were THAT easy, we wouldn’t have problems in this world.
I’m not saying it is OK to do it, since I know it offends God, BUT, being realistic, it could not be your last time… Of course it’d be awesome if this was the last time you fall into this type of sin, but still, if you’re young enough, the odds are that you could slip again for X reason… And your GF/wife should be supportive of you… Otherwise you already know you can’t count on her in the long run…
I say, everytime you feel the urge to watch porn or masturbate, say a Hail Mary immediately… It helped me a lot, and it’s been A LONG time since the last time I felt tempted to do something like that…
As for your girlfriend, I think she’s being way too dramatic and self-righteous, so don’t be scared, if she TRULY loves you, she’ll forgive you and will help you THIS time, and EVERY time you struggle with that (which seems not so often from what you wrote)
Pray to God and ask him for strength, pray a Rosary and offer it up for your intentions.
Prayer is the answer methinks. Don’t be to hard on yourself, we are all tempted. The most important thing is to not give up trying to live the correct life!
I’m sure your GF will come round. It’s tough but if she does go, perhaps that’s meant to be too???
As another poster said, some things should only be confessed to a priest.
Your girlfriend’s strong reaction to this makes me wonder what else is going on in the relationship. If you’re living together or having sex, then she may be responding to far more than what you told her.
You will be in my prayers. Surrender to our Lord’s Most Sacred Heart, and have faith. Ask St. Joseph to be your role model and guide in preparing you for a happy and healthy marriage. Forgive yourself and don’t dwell on what’s happened in the past. Keep your sight on who you are called to be, not on all the ways you’re missing the mark.
Blessings and the gentle love of Christ.
Me and my girlfriend have never done anything sexual together. We thought we went too far a few times, but we never went past kissing, it was just how long we kissed. She said to forgive me I will have to never look at that again, and I will try as hard as I can, and she said we can’t even kiss until we get married, which is a few years off. She always told me that she will forgive me no matter what, but when this happened she said she didn’t know. Thank you everyone for your help, and if you can I could still use more.
Remind her that Jesus never had/has a limit on how many times to forgive someone.
Give her a little time, and pray.
It sounds like the two of you may be young and a little inexperienced. As such, I could see why you’d both potentially overreact a bit when this first happens. It’s understandable, but there is growing to do in dealing with what will be (maybe not necessarily in this area, but more generally speaking) a lifetime filled with crosses under the weight of which you each will fall and need to get back up to keep walking towards Calvary. In a marriage, you’ll need to support each other on that journey rather than risking abandonment at imperfections. While we don’t want to fall into laxity, forgivenes must be generous for survival and we have to be careful about the realistic extent of demands placed upon it.
You have gotten some great advice her so far and I just want to add something I heard today on a CD by Steve Wood who helps men become great men as husband and fathers. On this father CD he speaks of mistakes men make that messes up their fatherhood. One of them was sins against purity. He spoke of pornography and how it is destroying marriages. He mentioned that once a person looks at porn that that image is forever imprinted in your brain for there is a chemical released while viewing. Even though this is truth, he said that their is hope and a man can rid himself of any addiction but that it is difficult. He said it is more difficult than a drug addiction. You can go to www.dads.org and he has a free download of scriptures that he said is the key to freedom from pornography. Even time you start your computer, you get Bible verses and he added that this is not just for people struggling with a porn addiction. He said memorizing Bible verses is the key to freedom from pornography, but is only one step in the twelve steps to freedom.
Check out this site and as everyone said, just try not to fall into this tempatation again, but you are only human. We all sin and mess up, we just need to pick ourself up again and keep going. Going to confession on a weekly basis also helps. You will be in my prayers. I am sure your girlfriend will come around. On this site you will see how the wives feel when their husbands do porn and I know she is not your wife, but she is a woman and will react as us wives. She is just very hurt and it will take time, but she will hopefully forgive you. Respect her decisions and just keep being you with her. Pray to St. Joseph for his intercession.
Steve Wood has this website as well: familylifecenter.net/ He has a book on courtship and marriage and other things for young people. Check it out.