[quote="Flavius_Aetius, post:1, topic:230597"]
Reading over what I wrote in a different thread I got to see how angry I really am...
What a marvelous insight to gain. One of the benefits from a forum like this. We can go back later, look at something we wrote and make an objective appraisal of it.
The gist of it all is I hate everyone on this entire planet save for my biological family. Even then I still harbor anger over my parents divorce and limp theist beliefs.
This is indeed sad....May God grant you the grace to see all the Good He has provided to you.
I feel like everything I do is a competition; that I'm competing against the whole world and I'm losing. There is nothing that I'm the best at; in fact quite honestly outside of school I feel like I'm the bottom tier of every action I ever do.
Why do you feel the need to compete and be "best at" something? Were you raised in a competative household/family?
Honestly I can relate to you in this. I've never been athletic, or quick in debate, or with a good "head for business". Others always seemed to be quicker, brighter, more athletic. The things that DID interest me (history and such) were not popular things and there was no internet to find "on-line" friends. Growing up I was not popular and it was difficult.
It's easy for people to try to mellow me by saying "Take it easy, relax/don't be so harsh on yourself" it's easy for them to say that when their a hundred times better than me at something. And that's why I hate people better than me. As for those that have less than me, I hate them for their percevierence. Because I know that if I was that homeless man or whatever other analogy I'd have been dead years ago because I don't have what it takes to survive outside this comfortable existance I've been given.
IT'S LIKE BEING A GAIN OF SAND AT THE BOTTOM OF A GLASS CONTAINER!!!
The entire world is above you better than you, and if you dared to think about being outside your glass container you know you'd be dead.
And yet so much of this is outlook...If I may be blunt...You have allowed you own anger to box you in until you have reached a point of "hating" everyone - even without meeting them. You hate me without knowing me. Why? This saddens me for I Love you without having ever met you.
Your prison is of your own making and the exit likewise lies within your grasp. It is your outlook.
Christ tells us that it is the least who will be the greatest in the Kingdom. St Therese of Liseaux, became a great Doctor of the Church by "becoming small" and teaching the "Little way of Love" where one does even small things with great Love.
So being "least" in the world is a great honor.
In our modern society it's easy to look at others, smart, successful, talented etc...and be envious, yet consider how much those people depend on the less talented the less rich, the less "successful" people who provide all the goods and services.
The little grains of sand at the bottom of the glass jar support all the grains that are above them.
Then for all these reasons above I hate theists and atheists; both the same arrogance just on different sides of the field.
Then finally there is God; who in all honestly by now I'm sure doesn't exist-that is the only reason why I'm finally just getting over eternal damnation and apparent boundless love, because it's all a lie.
Is boundless Love a Lie? Or is boundless hate the real Lie? You have chosen "boundless hate", has it made you happy?
....Can you be any more sure of your own conclusion than the teachings and conclusions of those who believe in and act on their belief in "boundless Love"?
I don't even know why I wrote this, I'm just another godless atheist now why would a catholic forum care for my well being? I just needed to vent because infinate times being worse than the rest of the world is leaving me in tears. The only reason I wouldn't just end my life is because of my family, the only place I never felt like I was in competition with them.
I believe you wrote this because you don't really want to believe these things. Because you DO wish to believe in boundless Love, in God and His infinite mercy, in Christ's sacrifice for our beneift.
You want to believe these things and you want us to help you.
You wrote it here because you know, or at least hope, that we, as Catholics, can be sympathetic to your plight. And we ARE!! In our prayers, our words, and our efforts to reach out to you across the miles, we seek only to help you come to know and Love God - Our Loving Father - as we do.
AND DEPRESSION PILLS / ANY KIND OF THERAPY IS NOT AN OPTION! I don't need to hear "get help" from you people better off skillfully or willfully.
This thread could get no replies for all I care, at least I could use it to have a personal breakdown without judgement...
It's sad that you are so "bound up" and in dispair that you feel no therapy is an option.
I would offer one piece of advice - not therapy. Go to a Catholic Church and sit before the tabernacle. Place all of you anger before the Lord. Cry your heart out as David did in some of the psalms. Challenge God....
Then sit...Quietly...and listen for God's voice....Listen not for hate which is the demon, but for Love...Listen not for dispair but for consolation...and when you hear that voice of Love of hope, cling to it. Nourish it and help it to grow. This might not happen the first time you go, but trust me it will happen....
Begin my Learning to Love yourself and who you are. Only from this can you learn to love others.
We are praying fro you. Go - now to the tabernacle....God Loves you and is waiting...