My husband and I love each other very much and we get along very well… some of the time.
We can go from being the happiest couple to two people that can’t stand the sight of each other!
We have both been married before, had terrible experiences that scarred us and have lots of baggage. I was by myself, bringing up my four children for six years before I met him. He has one son(we see him every fortnight).
Now we have a four month old baby of our own and some of the time we’re a happy functioning family except when my husband and I fight. It could be over something very trivial, but we get nasty and spiteful and it ends up in us talking about separation. I just don’t understand how we can go to such extremes!
My husband is working very hard (he is a teacher) and he spends most nights planning lessons for his students and he’s been going to bed around 1 to 2am. I had been trying very hard to make it easier for him by doing everything in the house and making sure things ran smoothly. I listen to him for hours and help where I can. Anything he asks me to do, I do it willingly.
He takes on so much extra work, that he really doesn’t need to but because he wants to do it all!
We had a small argument the other day and he got really angry. I got just as mad and then it turned into us being spiteful, saying hurtful things and calling each other names.
I try to talk to him and he completely ignores me and carries on doing things, like I’m not there, just to upset me. This makes me furious and it’s a constant battle of wills.
In the past, our arguments have involved days and sometimes weeks of us not talking to each other, him going to a mates place almost every evening to avoid me, arguing through text messages, none of which are constructive.
I’m definately no angel in this and I do know what I should do but just CANNOT bring myself to swallow my pride and be nice to him.
I know that I should just carry on and be the best I can be but it’s all very well to say it, it is next to impossible to do it!! I cannot be nice to him when he’s nasty to me! I know that Christ said to do good to those that hurt you, but I just can’t. I can’t bring myself to back down, cause in his eyes, that’s me admitting I’m wrong! And it’s usually HIM that is wrong!!
I know this sounds so childish… but I don’t know how to change. We’ve been to councilling many times. I have a good friend that is a priest who has tried to help and we keep falling back into the same cycle…
Life goes well for a month or two, then we have a silly argument and we fight for weeks!! This is all so disruptive for the children and it hurts everyone.
Every attempt at talking turns into a slinging match and we get nowhere. He just calls me names and swears at me and I insult him to try to hurt him like he hurt me. I’ve tried being nice to him and he’s just rude back and then I get even angrier! I just cant stand these arguments going on for days and weeks like they do… I pray for help and it usually works out, eventually, but what do I do to break this cycle? I wonder why we can’t have disagreements and get over them like normal people?