Son's upcoming wedding


#1

My son is marrying for second time end of May. He met his fiancee through Catholic Match and he was divorced,first marriage annulled, and engaged within same month. I am very happy that he has returned to our dear Faith as her family is very religious. However he is posting on social website how he is a “man of faith” and so is alienating most of his family with his interpretation of Catholic teaching. For example one of his sisters is gay/bisexual and truly loving, comfortable with her relationship with God and generous when anyone is in need. Due to his rants i.e “God before family” she is choosing not to attend the wedding. All of us are worried that they are rushing into this marriage and feel ambivalent about attending also; that includes ME the mother of the groom .We are working class people and her family is quite wealthy and I am afraid he’s given up our values for the upper class. My wish is that he comes Home with joy and wonder instead of judging all. Thank you so much and God Bless You


#2

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]
My son is marrying for second time end of May. He met his fiancee through Catholic Match and he was divorced,first marriage annulled, and engaged within same month. I am very happy that he has returned to our dear Faith as her family is very religious. However he is posting on social website how he is a "man of faith" and so is alienating most of his family with his interpretation of Catholic teaching.

[/quote]

Is it really "his interpretation" of Catholic teaching? Or is it actual Catholic teaching that he is now following and "most of his family" isn't? I don't know the answer to this, I am juts asking. Often people become uncomfortable with those who revert to their religion when they embrace it fully and follow all of Church teaching, fully. It makes it difficult for those who don't as the difference becomes obvious.

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]

For example one of his sisters is gay/bisexual and truly loving, comfortable with her relationship with God and generous when anyone is in need. Due to his rants i.e "God before family" she is choosing not to attend the wedding.

[/quote]

Well, certainly we should always put God before anyone or anything else. So, I don't understand why anyone would be offended by that.

What do you mean by "rant?" Certainly one must always be charitable when talking with another about issues such as this.

And, what do you mean by "gay/bisexual?"

Do you mean she is in an active homosexual relationship with another woman in which she is engaging in immoral activities-- i.e. sinning against the Sixth Commandment?

Or, do you mean that she has embraced the cross of her sexual attractions and is living chastely and recognizes that homosexual sexual activity is a grave sin against God?

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]

All of us are worried that they are rushing into this marriage and feel ambivalent about attending also; that includes ME the mother of the groom.

[/quote]

Yes, they might be rushing. It's something to suggest they think about and talk to their priest about.

As for being ambivelent, well maybe that's a reaction to things being pointed out that you don't like. Well, mom, depending upon the answers above maybe things needed to be pointed out.

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]
We are working class people and her family is quite wealthy and I am afraid he's given up our values for the upper class. My wish is that he comes Home with joy and wonder instead of judging all. Thank you so much and God Bless You

[/quote]

What are these "middle class values" you are referring to? Perhaps he has joy and wonder in coming home to the Chuch and you can't see it because he also embraces ALL that the Church teaches. There is definitely joy in that.


#3

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]
My son is marrying for second time end of May. He met his fiancee through Catholic Match and he was divorced,first marriage annulled, and engaged within same month. I am very happy that he has returned to our dear Faith as her family is very religious. However he is posting on social website how he is a "man of faith" and so is alienating most of his family with his interpretation of Catholic teaching. For example one of his sisters is gay/bisexual and truly loving, comfortable with her relationship with God and generous when anyone is in need. Due to his rants i.e "God before family" she is choosing not to attend the wedding. All of us are worried that they are rushing into this marriage and feel ambivalent about attending also; that includes ME the mother of the groom .We are working class people and her family is quite wealthy and I am afraid he's given up our values for the upper class. My wish is that he comes Home with joy and wonder instead of judging all. Thank you so much and God Bless You

[/quote]

What is his interpretation of Catholic teaching? Sometimes converts and reverts get a little to over joyed with their newly discovered or rediscovered faith that they can be off putting. God is supposed to come before family or anything else for that matter though. Not that family should be ignored or treated poorly but that God is first.


#4

[quote="gladtidings7, post:1, topic:190691"]
My son is marrying for second time end of May. He met his fiancee through Catholic Match and he was divorced,first marriage annulled, and engaged within same month. I am very happy that he has returned to our dear Faith as her family is very religious. However he is posting on social website how he is a "man of faith" and so is alienating most of his family with his interpretation of Catholic teaching. For example one of his sisters is gay/bisexual and truly loving, comfortable with her relationship with God and generous when anyone is in need. Due to his rants i.e "God before family" she is choosing not to attend the wedding. All of us are worried that they are rushing into this marriage and feel ambivalent about attending also; that includes ME the mother of the groom .We are working class people and her family is quite wealthy and I am afraid he's given up our values for the upper class. My wish is that he comes Home with joy and wonder instead of judging all. Thank you so much and God Bless You

[/quote]

Don't mix apples and oranges and pairs. You are speaking about several different things here.

You alone can deal with your insecurities about this girls family and wealth and so forth. They probably don't care at all about it. What values do you have that are different from upper class people of the faith?

What is going on with this gay/bisexual sister? Is she living the faith or a version of what is comfortable to her? How about you ? Are you encouraging her to live the faith or are you trying to not rock the boat and be accepting of unacceptable behaviors?
Are you uncomfortable because your son is drawing your attention to this? Is he being cruel and disowning her now or something? What aspect of Gay/Bisexual teaching is he misinterpreting?

I have no idea if your son is being inappropriate with his comments not having read them but if he has been awakened to the real faith by his being given new life since his annulment then he may be being a little exuberant. It happens with reverts sometimes until they settle down. Often they are shocked by all the people around them who claim to be living the faith but in actuality aren't. So what do you mean by "rant"? Wild ,insulting, degrading comments or just affirming the church teaching?

Getting engaged after a short period of time can be problematic. Without know the people it would be difficult to say whether is a good decision or not. The mom in me feels your concern , though. Psychologists say we should allow a good 9 months to a year before dating after a divorce. How long was he separated from his wife before he started dating? How long did he actually know this woman?


#5

[quote="Seatuck, post:4, topic:190691"]

Getting engaged after a short period of time can be problematic. Without know the people it would be difficult to say whether is a good decision or not. The mom in me feels your concern , though. Psychologists say we should allow a good 9 months to a year before dating after a divorce. How long was he separated from his wife before he started dating? How long did he actually know this woman?

[/quote]

Same thoughts here. I will never forget a couple at my EE retreat who were slated to be married in three months, and had known each other three months. Coulda knocked me over with a feather. I know in my parish, that would never happen...but there is a lot of "wiggle room" when it comes to pre-cana and etc. from priest to priest.

GladTidings, I pray for your son to come Home with joy and love as well. I definitely understand your feelings; what we perceive as "holier-than-thou" attitude from a recent revert/convert can sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow. But, please, no matter what, do not hurt his future wife by not attending the nuptials. This will create irretrievable damage to your relationship with a young lady who will (hopefully) be a part of your family for the rest of your lives. Please take this opportunity to be charitable to both her and her family.


#6

God before anything is basic Christianity.

Sounds like the "judgement" is coming from the moral relativists in the family. Respect his faith. Don't be snobs because his in laws have more money, that is not Christian.


#7

It sounds as if you are having issues more with your son and his conversion than you are with the wedding.


#8

There should be a law forbidding people from uttering the phrase "Don't judge". It's easily the most out-of-context quotation from the Bible. If you can't judge behavior as good or evil, the Bible becomes meaningless.


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.