Sooooo frustrated!

Ok, so last night, I was in the car with my girlfriend and we got into a “conversation” about how her sister was angry at the people of their protestant church, which btw is rented space in an office building, (they are Pentecostal Born-again Christian) because they are so anti-Catholic. Her sister feels that everyone should agree to disagree on matters of doctrine and just get along. She said that it doesn’t matter what you are, as long as Christ is your Lord and Savior.

So it was nice of her sister to defend the Catholic faith in the sense that she got mad at the people of their church for being anti-Catholic but I wanted to help clarify some things to my girlfriend. What I said to her was that you can’t just go around picking a church thats right for you. That’s the whole problem with all these protestant denominations! God leads you to His Church. I explained that when you read the bible, Jesus clearly states: You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church MT 16:18. He doesn’t say 30,000 different denominations of my church. So anyway, I was explaining to her that you can’t just pick a church because they say what you want to hear. It doesn’t work that way. It’s pretty sad that they are feeling this way because it is totally unbiblical. So she of course, got angry (as she does whenever I try discussing my Catholic faith) and said that I was “knocking” what her sister was saying, whom btw she calls her “spiritual mother.”

Long story short, we got into a big argument about this. She claims that everytime she thinks about become Catholic, I lead her away from it. I have no idea how I do this when all I try to do it share the faith. It is so frustrating because it is so evident and clear that the Catholic Church is the One true Church that Christ commissioned. We have historical and biblical evidence. She does realize this, she knows and understands that we have Apostolic Succession and that Peter was our first Pope. Why is she so stubborn and so thick-headed to not accept the Church!?

Someone please give me some insight and help! I pray for her conversion everyday!

You certainly know the other person better than us. But if you think she has a certain obstinance or resistance to hearing the faith, then you may limit what you want to share.

You are not more powerful than her resistance to the faith. God is.

If you’ve explained the faith charitably and she’s resisted, there may not be different magic words you can use to suddenly enlighten her. You can turn it over to God, or turn it to Him via a saint or an angel and do novenas, do penance, and love your faith, teach by example.

But like I said, if you think there’s more you need to say, just do it with love.

St Francis of Assissi taught to “Evangelzie always, and if necessary use words”. Clearly, your friend is not open to any “words”, so stop with the words, and continue with living your faith in your “walk”.

I understand, and thank you both for the insight. The only thing is, she feels that, well hey, if Catholicism is good for me, then why not. But it may not be good for everyone or fit everyone’s “preferences.” It’s a very liberal way of thinking when it comes to religion and that is not good at all. It is entirely unbiblical to take religion from a liberal perspective such as hers.

It often reminds me of that bumper sticker: “COEXIST” - it makes no sense to “coexist,” we must stand true to our faith and accept the teachings of God and HIS Church, not let everyone do what they want so everyone is happy. THAT is not what Christ taught and intended.

Sorry guys, I’m just venting, I know that the only thing I can do is pray…

My girlfriend made the same statement to me once. She is now in RCIA. The thing that helped me get her to come to mass and begin her conversion was when I stopped trying. I finally realized that I can never, never, never under any circumstances effect anyone’s conversion. Only God can. When I stopped applying any pressure other than answering questions when they arose (and stopped coming off like a fanatic even though I am) she realized that maybe being a Catholic didnt mean she had to have that same zeal I have and that perhaps she should look into this faith that brought me such Joy and Peace.

Stop pushing and start praying. Dont bring it up to her but know your faith and be prepared to answer her questions at a level she can grasp. I heard a statement once that I will remember until the day I die, “You dont truly know a thing until you can explain it to your grandmother”. What I am saying is to study, learn your faith, and (if you are doing this) stop using your faith as a club to beat her into submission to the Catholic Faith. If you get her to convert under those circumstances (unlikely as it is) she will most likely resent you for a long time if not abandon the faith entirely at some point.

FSC

Hey There!!

This is coming from a female who resisted the church at first.

Do you know what got me to stop being so stubborn and take the Church seriously?

Scott Hahn!

She may be resistant to you telling her stuff b/c maybe in her mind she thinks you are judging her or looking down on her or treating her like a child. I know you may not intend that but people interpret things all kinds of wrong sometimes.

Why don’t you just ask her if she would be willing to read his conversion story Rome Sweet Home. It is about his and his wife’s conversion and his wife was VERY Stubborn!

You don’t have to feel like you are pressuring her this way and if she has questions she can come to you! :thumbsup:

Fair enough…did you take time to acknowledge agreement here?

So it was nice of her sister to defend the Catholic faith in the sense that she got mad at the people of their church for being anti-Catholic but I wanted to help clarify some things to my girlfriend.

Who cares what you want?! Did you really think this “clarification” would lead to anything but resentment? If so, you have a lot to learn my friend…

What I said to her was that you can’t just go around picking a church thats right for you. That’s the whole problem with all these protestant denominations! God leads you to His Church. I explained that when you read the bible, Jesus clearly states: You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church MT 16:18. He doesn’t say 30,000 different denominations of my church. So anyway, I was explaining to her that you can’t just pick a church because they say what you want to hear. It doesn’t work that way. It’s pretty sad that they are feeling this way because it is totally unbiblical. So she of course, got angry (as she does whenever I try discussing my Catholic faith) and said that I was “knocking” what her sister was saying, whom btw she calls her “spiritual mother.”

You mean she didnt drop to her knees and thank you for sharing your wisdom?

QUOTE]Long story short, we got into a big argument about this.
Im shocked!

She claims that everytime she thinks about become Catholic, I lead her away from it.

This is the single most important aspect of this entire drama - I hope you are able to learn from your mistakes.

I have no idea how I do this when all I try to do it share the faith.

You don’t “try” to share the faith. You live the faith with everyone you encounter and your life bears witness to it. Easier said than done, but trust me this is how it happens…

It is so frustrating because it is so evident and clear that the Catholic Church is the One true Church that Christ commissioned. We have historical and biblical evidence. She does realize this, she knows and understands that we have Apostolic Succession and that Peter was our first Pope. Why is she so stubborn and so thick-headed to not accept the Church!?

Because she is not you! You have a lot to learn about women!

Someone please give me some insight and help! I pray for her conversion everyday!

How about this radical concept: don’t “share” the faith with her unless she asks you to! Instead, live your faith and let God accomplish his Will as He sees fit. Trust in Him to lead you to speak, to not to speak, to share. Stick to praying and if she brings up a specific issue that SHE wishes to discuss then approach with caution and pray again before saying anything. Patience will be required of you…

Blessings!

And…this is not a comfortable thing to write…and won’t be comfortable to read…and other posters may not like my bringing it up…BUT…here goes…

From a 57 year old lady who was raised in the faith…as a Baptist minister’s daughter and now a Catholic…the thing I heard so often during teenage and early 20’s was “it is so important to be equally yoked in marriage”…and it was something I always laughed off.

And, if I were to be able to live my life over again, it is the first thing I would listen to and the most important thing I would change.

So, pray for her, the posters above made WONDERFUL suggestions, but keep in mind if you should contemplate marriage, you want the mother of your children to be firmly planted in the Catholic faith. The difference it makes in your marriage and in your family is beyond measure.

My 2 cents…I will keep you and your girlfriend in my prayers.

I’ve gotta back you up on this one.

If Catholicism is the most important thing in your life, then it makes a whole lot of sense to make that the foundation of your relationship, especially one that will be life-long.

I just think it is right to be careful about such things. Sometimes a girl/boyfriend will convert in order to please the other, or make marriage easier. That’s never a valid reason for converting to the faith. If they are going to convert, they need to be firm enough to accept that Catholic Truth is Truth. If a person is getting frustrated with you sharing your faith, then they aren’t sincerely “thinking about converting,” they are thinking that maybe it would be an easier relationship if they joined your social group.

The Church doesn’t disallow faith-divided marriages, but in all honesty that can lead to a lot of problems. I always imagine the passing of a close relative, and how an interfaith couple would deal with that. Doubtless you would be praying fervently for the repose of their soul, but your spouse…? That could cause some real division.

And children need strong examples of good Catholics. If they see one parent doing so and one not, they get mixed messages. They may feel pressured to “choose” between which parent’s faith to follow. Such a decision is not healthy, whether they make the right choice or not.

In any case, I hope the best for you!

God bless,
Koopa

Until (if) she becomes Catholic, she will not be able to get past the idea that it may not be good for everyone or fit everone’s preferences. Her base of logic is not yours. And she can’t have that until she is Catholic. The way of thinking becomes less liberal when you learn the Catholic way.

And we do have to coexist. God gave us FREE WILL. Which means He LETS us choose. So, neither your or any man is in the position to LET anyone believe what they want or not. I mean seriously? Who LET you be a Catholic. Who MADE you go through confirmation? You may have been brought into the faith by a parent. But YOU MUST CHOOSE to stay the course. And the Church LETS you choose to do so.

I have a feeling you’re preaching. You Teacher, her the ignorant student. And NO, Praying is not the ONLY thing you can do. You can share lots with her. It just doesn’t have to be from the position of superiority. That just always comes off bad… arrogant. And if you weren’t coming off bad, then you wouldn’t be fighting…

This is the single most important aspect of this entire drama - I hope you are able to learn from your mistakes.

What mistakes oh knowledgable one? You think giving a Catholic perspective is a mistake? That’s what I did and thats what I’m supposed to do. I don’t preach, but I can give my opinion. Is sharing my faith when asked a mistake? If you think so, I think you have a serious problem.

You don’t “try” to share the faith. You live the faith with everyone you encounter and your life bears witness to it. Easier said than done, but trust me this is how it happens…

Very good, I do “live” the faith. But you can also share the faith. Especially when someone questions their own. It’s called evangelization. You take the time to share the faith when questions are asked. That’s the only time when I do it.

Because she is not you! You have a lot to learn about women!

How about this radical concept: don’t “share” the faith with her unless she asks you to! Instead, live your faith and let God accomplish his Will as He sees fit. Trust in Him to lead you to speak, to not to speak, to share. Stick to praying and if she brings up a specific issue that SHE wishes to discuss then approach with caution and pray again before saying anything. Patience will be required of you…

Like I said above, she asks, I tell. I can’t help if she gets annoyed if its a contradictory view from a Catholic perspective. Sorry!

Blessings!

Hey, I have an idea, since you are so well informed in this sort of “silent evanglization” why don’t you take some time and come talk to her? I appreciate advice, but not when you shed me in a bad light and use sarcasm. Take it somewhere else.

God Bless :wink:

This is one thing I say to her from the get-go. I don’t preach, but I can give my opinion and share with her what the Catholic Church teaches when asked. I can’t help it if she doesn’t like what she hears. I also told her that she is much more well-versed in the bible than I am. The unfortunate part of my being brought up was that nobody ever told me to put as much emphasis on the bible as I should have. I am the first person to say that and I told her right off the bat that her and her sister could definitely school me when it comes to the bible. Doesn’t sound like Im the teacher and her the ignorant student when I say that before I say anything else. But, I do know (obviously) more about Catholic teaching than she does.

You are totally correct. It scares me because I want to be “equally yoked” as you said.

If she gets angry every time you discuss it, maybe now is not the right time to discuss it. Just live it- if you live it well, she will appreciate it and the time will eventually come for you to discuss it with her.

Perhaps she is not ready to hear about the Faith from you- if there are times when she thinks about converting, then let her investigate it on her own (from people other than you, if she wants- sometimes the person you are in relationship with is not the best person to go to about these things).

I commend you for not sugar-coating the Catholic perspective just so she won’t be uncomfortable. If/when she decides to convert and if you are still a couple, I’m sure she will find this trait a very admirable one in you.

I also don’t think like the other posters that you were being overly preachy to her. I think you did just what you said, stated your information in a normal way. I think this because I have been on the receiving end of some discussions like that and I know that no matter how nicely and smiley someone gets when they tell you things like that, there will be a part of you that takes offense. There’s not a good reason for it, but your stance is conflicting with something ingrained in hers and there’s gonna be pushback. I know it took me a good chunk of time to work through my reaction/feelings to the different viewpoints from Catholic to Protestant. And she’ll have to work through that on her own too.

The best thing my Catholic ex boyfriend did for me was to NOT talk about his faith. Granted, that’s because he wasn’t a very practicing Catholic, but the things he did do like fasting for Lent, and other little Catholic “quirks” he never explained made me curious enough to look things up for myself. So part of my advice would be to just answer questions she asks of you about the faith, instead of volunteering information she hasn’t asked for. And my other advice is, if you decide to keep volunteering information (valid option let’s face it, if she is seriously considering conversion she SHOULD hear the authentic Catholic perspective) is to just not argue it out afterward. Just drop the conversation and let her stew over what you said on her own and let the Holy Spirit work on her. My :twocents:

Agreed 100%. I’ve decided to back off completely and just pray for her each day (which I’ve been doing from the beginning). But she asks and I answer, and still gets mad. It’s like talking to a brick wall, that’s why it’s frustrating.

Thanks Sarah. Thank you for being understanding and not being sarcastic and nasty to me for doing something we are ALL called to do - and that is share the faith, the truth! But thank you, I like that advice. I have decided to take a step back and not even get into anything with her. If she has a question in the future, I’ll tell her to look it up. I have plenty of books and she has Catholic.com where she can find answers. I’m happy to hear you came into the Church!

God bless :thumbsup:

Thanks! I’m very happy to be in the Church :smiley: This website has been a very informative resource for me through my journey, so I’m sure it will help her too. Good luck with everything!

You need to understand that people GROW into their understanding of things. This is the work of the Holy Spirit. You plant the seed. You cannot expect your girlfriend to have the same understanding as you do, just because you told her so. She has convictions about her religion, too, and they are very real to her, just as real as yours are to you. Your girlfriend dropped a very important clue as to what is going on here-she said that every time she considered being a Catholic, you lead her away from it. Arguments and being too doctrinaire are a turn off to most people. Your job is to LIVE being a Catholic. Don’t argue. You can tell her what the Church teaches and why you believe it to be true in a gentle way, but only God is going to convict her. You can certainly share your love of Jesus without discussing dogma and doctrine and pointing out Bible verses all the time, and show her what it is to be Catholic by your life. Pray to the Holy Spirit for wisdom in this.

Someone mentioned the book Scott Hahn wrote about his conversion. If you haven’t read it, do so, and take note of Kimberly’s reactions. When Scott was heavy-handed, she rebelled. When he backed off, then she was able to be open to things and reconsider. But she had to accept Catholicism by her own searching and prayer, God had to work in Kimberly, and Scott had to let Him.

Hey, I have an idea, since you are so well informed in this sort of “silent evanglization” why don’t you take some time and come talk to her? I appreciate advice, but not when you shed me in a bad light and use sarcasm. Take it somewhere else.

God Bless :wink:

It sounds like you are making real progress!

Blessings!

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.