I have gone to post some details here before but continuously back out as it is personal and it sounds just terrible. I don’t want pity. I don’t want to be accused of being irrationally unforgiving either. So I am about to unload a bit of this as new circumstances have “developed.” I hope that you can give your sincerest advice, and at the same time I hope this doesn’t turn into a big debate.
My mother: crazy. Period. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of years. In the simplest terms:
*Hyphochondriac AND Munchausen-by-Proxy with me, up to my teenage years when she told everyone (i.e. family, friends, co-workers, complete strangers) I was mentally ill and/or a drug addict – neither applied.
*Addicted to men
*On her 6th or 7th marriage (it’s unclear) to a man who has alienated her from her entire family and is draining her dry. She’s worth quite a bit of money.
*Left the Catholic church after it didn’t support this many marriages.
*Abusive to me most of my life. I am her only child.
*Thrives on drama, has difficulty expressing feelings or asking for love/help/compassion without it being world war III.
*Calls police on people when they fight back or defend themselves.
*Chooses one person in which to have an “issue” then creates drama to the point of excess and or violence. Verbally berates anyone who doesn’t "jump on board the hate train."
Up until I quit speaking to her she continued to refer to me as B&^& and *****^&() in public, in front of my husband and my MIL.
*She hit my eldest DD after getting drunk while on the phone with her sister (her MOST toxic relationship, just a conversation with sis sends her into violent rages and has since I was small.) and that cut her off from my eldest children.
Last time I saw her, I had gone to attend the wedding to last husband. DH was flying in the next day. I had my six week old DD with me. They (mom and her FDH) both got drunk, got in a fight after he had yelled/cursed me out for the umpteenth time in days (alienation right? He also told me my mom talked major bad about the Catholic church when she was gone – he was trying EVERYTHING he could think of.) eventually he left. He came home, broke down their bedroom door, knocked her down. I didn’t see it, I was in the guest room. Police were called, and even though she had a red mark on her arm, she was so drunk and dramatic they didn’t take him in. They said because I didn’t witness it and her level of intoxication. Meanwhile,the police were talking to him I could hear everything – and he was trying so hard to get out of jail by saying things about ME! Including that I was a drug addict, that I had abandoned my baby to go gambling and drinking. Whatever, I was the onyl sober person in the house breastfeeding my DD, and the police knew it. I was angry though, I know Nevada is a “one touch” domestic violence state and I demanded he go, but they wouldn’t. The one true thing he said was that I had forced her to go to a psychiatrist. That was true – in order to see my youngest. OBVIOUSLY she had not had enough therapy by then. When I awoke the next morning, he was still there. I confronted her on it. She said “oh we decided we just drank too much!” :eek: WHAT??? I told her I was leaving, picking up DH from airport, driving to get kids up North, going home - not supporting any marriage, don’t even want to hang out with her. I cried my eyes out, as this was just the LAST time in a long line of incidents where she picked men and drama over me, her only child. AND HER GRANDCHILDREN - that’s what hurt me the most. As if this type of behavior is perfectly acceptable in front of kids! If the police had believed him I could have lost my baby! DH and I have never had the police at our home. Well, she kicked him out. He stayed gone for as long as it took her to decide she had to have him back – about four days. My DH told her as soon as he got off the plane “I can’t tell you who to love, who to be with or what to do, but I can tell you IF you decide to stay with or marry this man – you will NOT SEE your daughter or grandchildren again.”
That is the last time I saw her. :shrug:
My grandma (also a drama queen, although slightly, and I do mean SLIGHTLY saner) calls me up. This is the second time in as many months. The first time it was that the DH had left my mom and she was asking for help/advice from her sister (toxic) and my cousin. Then she quit calling, obviously honey-pie came back. Meanwhile, I told grandma I would not call her, nor involve myself. “Besides, she’s only taking him back.” I was called “unforgiving” etc. “WE WONT be like that, oh no we wont.” Uhm grandma…I’m an adult, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect myself and my kids. “Well you are miserable without her aren’t you?” No, I am quite at peace…and I AM! So