Speaking Sternly


#1

I was recently asked by one of my parents whether or not I wanted something, at the time I was preoccupied with something else and said no. Though parent persisted in asking my whether I wanted something to eat. Frustrated that my initial no had not been noted I said very harshly NO I thought that what I was doing might be wrong but when I was asked another question I again said NO in a very stern and harsh manner.
Now I see that my parent was only being kind but because I was so preoccupied doing something else I responded in a very harsh unfriendly manner.
Would my words be considered a mortal sin against the 4th commandment?


#2

[quote="Antonio5, post:1, topic:253033"]
I was recently asked by one of my parents whether or not I wanted something, at the time I was preoccupied with something else and said no. Though parent persisted in asking my whether I wanted something to eat. Frustrated that my initial no had not been noted I said very harshly NO I thought that what I was doing might be wrong but when I was asked another question I again said NO in a very stern and harsh manner.
Now I see that my parent was only being kind but because I was so preoccupied doing something else I responded in a very harsh unfriendly manner.
Would my words be considered a mortal sin against the 4th commandment?

[/quote]

Not necessarily. Sometimes we just react and speak without consideration to our tone or volume.

My MIL goes through the "Littany of the Food" every time we eat over there. "Do you want this? How about some of that?" We lived with them for a few months when we moved back from out of state while waiting to sell our house. It became a ritual in the morning; I usually just have a bowl of cereal, but got the littany every morning, like clockwork. After a while, I had to stifle a smile and choke back a laugh. It was almost verbatum day to day, the list being about 10 breakfast items that I was required to decline, in order, before we could conclude our good mornings and get myself to work. I usually finished my cereal about the time we concluded the littany.

Anywho, same situation. My MIL didn't think a bowl of cereal was sufficient to sustain me, and she was just being kind, in her mind. I didn't ever snap, fortunately, but if it's not a purposeful reaction, it's probably not sinful. Still, it would be appropriate to apologize and perhaps explain your reaction.


#3

Not necessarily. The second half of the fourth commandment is found in Ephesians 6:4, “And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger”.


#4

From the standpoint of the parent who magically makes the meals appear when needed, from the planning to the shopping to the preparation to the cooking to the cleaning up, I’d say an apology is in order. I think if you merely put yourself in the place of the cook, you’d say the same. (If not, try doing it for a week some time.)

You didn’t commit a mortal sin, but you should apologize to your parent. Even if you had been the head of the household and had been working on important paperwork and you had responded that way to a hired cook, unless the person was obviously interrupting a conversation with someone else that ought not have been interrupted, you would have been out of line.

Again, do all the food chores for a week some time, and you’ll be a convert.


#5

[quote="Newbie2, post:2, topic:253033"]
Not necessarily. Sometimes we just react and speak without consideration to our tone or volume.

My MIL goes through the "Littany of the Food" every time we eat over there. "Do you want this? How about some of that?" We lived with them for a few months when we moved back from out of state while waiting to sell our house. It became a ritual in the morning; I usually just have a bowl of cereal, but got the littany every morning, like clockwork. After a while, I had to stifle a smile and choke back a laugh. It was almost verbatum day to day, the list being about 10 breakfast items that I was required to decline, in order, before we could conclude our good mornings and get myself to work. I usually finished my cereal about the time we concluded the littany.

Anywho, same situation. My MIL didn't think a bowl of cereal was sufficient to sustain me, and she was just being kind, in her mind. I didn't ever snap, fortunately, but if it's not a purposeful reaction, it's probably not sinful. Still, it would be appropriate to apologize and perhaps explain your reaction.

[/quote]

My 80 year old mother has dementia, and asks us all the same question about what we'd like five or more times in a single meal. The woman fed us beautifully for our entire childhoods. Her repeated questioning isn't too much to endure. I can understand why you find it frustrating, though!! A laugh, stifled, is a good way to handle it!

My MIL put us up in her home for a year while our house was being built. Then she moved in with us for 14 years. There was give-and-take. It was worth 14 years without curry, fresh cilantro, or raw onions to have her with us. I hope it was worth it for her, too, because it was the last 14 years of life for her. She's died, and now we miss her.

Low-cost lodging is sometimes worth what you pay for it. A MIL who will treat you as a guest in her home is priceless. What you had to put up with was pretty cheap as rent goes, and nothing when it comes to having a MIL who welcomes you as a true member of the family. Gratitude makes putting up with our family's inevitable faults a whole lot easier. It doesn't remove all the frustrations; it just puts them into perspective.


#6

EasterJoy,
Your posts, #s 4 and 5? BEAUTIFUL!!!
I applaud you.
You totally get it.
Thanks for sharing a slice of wisdom.
I'd even take seconds.

:clapping::clapping::clapping:


#7

[quote="EasterJoy, post:5, topic:253033"]
My 80 year old mother has dementia, and asks us all the same question about what we'd like five or more times in a single meal. The woman fed us beautifully for our entire childhoods. Her repeated questioning isn't too much to endure. I can understand why you find it frustrating, though!! A laugh, stifled, is a good way to handle it!

My MIL put us up in her home for a year while our house was being built. Then she moved in with us for 14 years. There was give-and-take. It was worth 14 years without curry, fresh cilantro, or raw onions to have her with us. I hope it was worth it for her, too, because it was the last 14 years of life for her. She's died, and now we miss her.

Low-cost lodging is sometimes worth what you pay for it. A MIL who will treat you as a guest in her home is priceless. What you had to put up with was pretty cheap as rent goes, and nothing when it comes to having a MIL who welcomes you as a true member of the family. Gratitude makes putting up with our family's inevitable faults a whole lot easier. It doesn't remove all the frustrations; it just puts them into perspective.

[/quote]

My MIL was always trying to urge me to have some Greek yogurt as a dessert after we finished supper. "It's really lovely, you should try it.." on and on. For me, dessert does not = yogurt. And I knew her son, my husband, was going to be offered a sweet of some kind, not yogurt. So I would politely refuse, but she kept trying. It became a joke between hubby and me, we'd do her voice, "Oh, but it's lovely..." and laugh about it. Every trip over there, out would come the yogurt...

Then, for some reason, about a year ago, I tried Greek yogurt, here, and I loved it immediately. :rolleyes: Now hubby gets to go on and on with, "See, she was right!" I have no idea what she's going to urge me to eat now...now that I love the yogurt...

:rotfl:


#8

Thanks for the answers. Litany of food, I like that:)


#9

Oh, and I have another pearl of wisdom. I have a friend whose mom used to come to him and say, “What do you want for dinner, chicken or beef?” He would reply, “Either one, I don’t care.” And she would say, “I don’t have any ‘I don’t care.’ I have chicken and beef, and I want you to pick one. Which one do you want?!?” He got the picture. Helping her decide what to make was more help than he realized.

So if your mom or dad ever asks what you want for dinner, the best reply is, “What do you feel like making?” If he or she has an idea, then say, “That would be good. If you’d make that, that work just fine. Thank you!” If they say, “I don’t know. I am out of ideas” then say, “Well, what is easy for you? Is there anything I can make? Do you want me to go to the store for you? Or get take-out? (Or, I wish I could help you, but this paper is due tomorrow and I don’t know if I’ll finish it as it is…”)

If s/he asks if you want to eat at some particular time, you can say, “Mom/Dad you take such good care of me. You know, your world does not revolve around me. How about you tell me when it is a good time for you to make dinner, and I’ll work my schedule around you, instead? That is the least I can do.” It may take some teaching, but you can teach him/her that, unlike the training you gave your parents when you were four years old, you are now old enough that your appetite can wait for when the time is good for the cook. S/he may get used to that pretty quickly, and really love you for it!! S/he will get the extra perk of having raised such a thoughtful and mature son!!

If you have a job or some reason that you cannot work your schedule around him/her, then give the cook a copy of your schedule, about ten days out. Let them know that if the times don’t suit their schedule, you know how to run a microwave oven and how to make sandwiches, etc. That can really help with meal planning, and it is a show of appreciation that the cook has a life, too.

If you want 5 gold stars, then find one night a week when you will take care of preparing dinner, even if that is having a casserole ready for the oven and a salad in the refrigerator, when you will be gone that night. It will be all your parents can do to keep from bragging to the other parents about you. They will wear black arm bands when you move out.


#10

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