My husband and I have 3 children and started our marriage completely open to life. Sadly, Our third child has had several health issues since birth and has special needs. It had taken a huge toll on our family and our marriage. After our third was born, my husband began to spill his seed when we are intimate. This has been going on for many years against my will. I am completely open to NFP and willing to do all of the work but he will not agree to give himself to me fully. He is terrified of having another child because we cannot handle it financially or emotionally. I have a different view that if we trust in God, He will provide. There is a huge disconnect between us on this topic. He does not agree that it is a sin since we are married and have “special circumstances”. He obviously knows it’s a sin because he does not receive communion if he has not confessed this sin of the flesh.
I am completely torn. I will go weeks without being intimate because I do not want to offend God, yet it causes a huge rift in our marriage and we both become aggravated with one another. When we are intimate I’m praying the entire time that it doesn’t end in sin and I’m feeling guilty about it during the act. I shouldn’t have to feel this way when I’m with my husband.
My question is, aside from praying for his conversion and for his soul, or coming up with ways to convince him he is wrong in his theory… am I sinning as well by participating in the act knowing how it will end? This fear of sin keeps me from initiating any intimacy with him because I do not want to lead him or myself to sin. I do not receive Eucharist if I’ve participated and am confessing this same sin weekly, but since I do not wish for him to spill the seed and am completely open to life, al I still guilty by association?