Thank all of you for your wonderful posts in reply to my question. I have such a burning desire to participate fully in the Sacrament. Each Sunday and Holy Day at Mass since my wife and I have started attending, I have truly felt the love and grace of our Lord. At Communion, I have difficulty holding back my tears as I kneel and pray. Through the participation in Mass I have always felt a deep comfort and leave feeling uplifted and that my soul has been fed. However, I want to experience it at a deeper level.
In my former church, we were taught the Eucharist becomes the body and blood of Christ (transubstantiation). And as a minister there, I also taught this to others. It was very clear to me that historically this was the doctrine of that church since it began. Clearly, it was in opposition to most other Protestant denominations. In recent years though, it seemed as if the church was shifting more towards consubstantiation. I consciously decided not to follow suit. This caused some difficulty for me with my superiors. Eventually, I was confronted directly and was "ordered" to fall in line. I refused and I offered to resign. The bishop refused to accept my resignation, citing this would be "too controversial" and would cause a great upset among those in the congregation. He offered a compromise that rather than resign; I could take an early retirement. I accepted, remaining as a member in the same church. I was just too weary from years of a contentious relationship with the hierarchy to continue to battle. I now wish I had fought on, so that others I care deeply about would recognise this great error.
When the revised Catechism was released three years later, I read with great horror that the church now holds as doctrine, consecration of bread and wine no longer transforms them into body and blood, but rather brings the real presence of Christ into them (consubstantiation). When this was announced, I stopped attending that church. The very next Sunday I attended Mass for the first time. Since my wife and I have been attending Mass, no one from my former church has anything to do with us. I still have a relationship with my siblings who are still there, but interactions with them are quite awkward.