Spiritual Director/regular Confessor

How does one go about finding a spiritual director? I’ve asked my diocese’ Faith Formation office, and they recommended that I speak to my pastor. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. He has my church and a missionary church that he is the pastor of, so I know he’s very busy, and I don’t know that I’d be comfortable opening up to him anyway, because I see him at least twice a week at Mass. I’d like to have someone who is more mature in the faith to work with on all my shortcomings, but I just don’t know how to find someone.

On a related note, how do you find a regular Confessor? By that I don’t mean just someone you use regularly for the sacrament of Reconciliation, but also someone with whom you can discuss all the nitty-gritty details of your sins and figure out where it’s all coming from. My pastor is great for Reconciliation, but again, he’s busy, and the line for the Confessional is always at least 10 people long, so I know he doesn’t have time for a 30-minute conversation regarding my sin.

With the shortage of priests, would any priest really have time for that?

Just ask the pastor if he can recommend someone. He may have a listing of people or refer you to a retreat house or religious congregation.

I found a spiritual director but honestly it was God who brought him to me, because I was very lost about some things. He was my parish priest (I since moved, but still keep in touch with him), and I went to an FSSP parish (if you live near any parishes like that, the priests there are very good). He was also my confessor. I don’t think it’s bad if you see the priest all the time at Mass… that makes it harder in a way for Confession, because he knows you, but it’s also humbling :slight_smile: also him hearing my confessions and spiritually guiding me meant that he got to understand my spiritual life in detail.

I don’t really know how to go about finding a SD, - I think just praying a lot… because it needs to be the right person for you. (preferrably a priest). St Francis de Sales describes a good SD as: " full of love, of wisdom and of discretion; for if either of these three be wanting there is danger". ccel.org/ccel/desales/devout_life.iii.iv.html

If you find a spiritual director, I think it can work if he is also your confessor, if he is alright with that… if not, you find a confessor who is basically a good priest and you can maybe make an appointment with him for Confession. If you’re fortunate to be in a parish that has confession before every Mass, then it’s easier to arrange a time. (before or after a daily Mass).

I think the hardest thing for me is the thought of asking a priest to be a spiritual director of confessor because like you said, they are very busy. But sometimes it’s good to just get the courage to do this :slight_smile: in my case, I didn’t ask, actually it was the priest who suggested it. I think he is pretty busy so I’m really grateful.

My suggestion would be to really pray for a spiritual director… do you have any close Catholic friends, maybe you could ask them if they know a good priest? or try asking your pastor just in case? you could also maybe get a priest in a religious order to direct you… (maybe visit and ask… though I’ve never done this so I’m not sure how to go about it)

God bless

that’s a good idea :slight_smile:

It doesn’t hurt to ask your parish priest. You might want to schedule an appointment for your 30 minute meetings, though.


Monica had some good things to say, and I wholeheartedly agree with her.

I know I met my SD/Confessor because I was interested in learning in the CCC, though I did not know it at the time. It is a blessing to have my SD as my Confessor, though I started out with two different priests as my SD and confessor. To me it was pretty much a disaster as they did not agree in the Magesteriusm and practices. Also it was pretty exhuasting trying to meet with two different priests and such. I am blessed to have my current SD who was very generous to be my regular confessor as well.

If your priest cannot help or has no suggestions, I would ask a deacon of your parish if you got one to see what his recommendation would be as well.

Little One0307

Do you have any other suggestions?

I read that you are converting. Contact the priest, if he cannot suggest, then the deacon.
If that is to no avail, try the RCIA director they may have some recommendations for you to try. Keep your ears open and see if any one else talks about SD or finding a confessor.

If all fails, contact the diocesan office and ask them if any priests do any SD. [the Vocations Office might have some idea of whom would be good to suggest.] I read somewhere on another thread that one priest charged something for SD, this in my opnion was wrong. They should not charge.

Hope this helps.

God bless.

Little One0307
I hope this helps.

Thank you. I don’t believe I can do that yet…
What exactly is a retreat house and how much does that cost?

Actually to my understanding, you can do it. Anyone can receive spiritual direction, as to confession that is a different matter as you are not in the Church. I would recommend spiritual direction with a priest that is grounded in the Magersterium of the Church and is not heretical. They can be most helpful in your process in conversion. I actually was meeting with a priest and techinically he was my SD even though I did not call him that before I was iniated into the Church.

A retreat house is somewhere you can go and do a retreat. Some offer programs, some offer SD, some you go to and just pray and do things on your own. There’s a lot of them out there.

And it varies by retreat house or whoever is running the retreats or what order is in charge of the retreat house.

God bless.

Little One0307

I find my regular confessor by checking out the priests at all the neighboring parishes. I go to Mass and watch and listen to see who’s a good candidate, then I try him out.

I had someone who was very good and helpful to me for four years, and two years ago, he went on leave of absence, leaving a huge, long line of people who came to him regularly at loose ends. It took me 18 months of searching until I finally found someone to take his place. It’s a priest who’s new to the area, and it seems that more people from the other priest’s “line” are showing up for the new priest every week. I just met another one today. She was leaving as I was arriving. Pretty soon he’s going to have to add extra hours!

Seriously, just keep praying and looking, and God will eventually fix you up with “the one.” You may have to go through a lot of duds, but someone’s out there for you. You’ll know it when you find him.

You have to pray. Say, Jesus, give me holy confessors and holy spiritual directors. Say this every day, even if you already have a confessor.

At present I have 4 confessors, not necessarily spiritual directors. You see, spiritual directing… is something rare. You are right, the priests “seem” to be busy. While there is nothing more edifying than a priest busy conferring the sacraments to the sheep. It is their duty. Yet they have many activities which are not their main duty, that is to confer the sacraments

You can have 4 different confessors to whom you can confess monthly. Thus you confess weekly. If you do not feel sure to open up,

me too :shrug:

I just confess, get absolution, and leave.

I do long for spiritual direction, but I do not want to be led astray by an inexperienced priest, or unholy priest. You see, priest can led us astray too, by saying mortal sins are venial, and vice versa.

Read the lives of the saints, and you will see how this spiritual direction is a very important part, and choosing the right priest is also important.

You can read the Life of St Teresa of Avila

And Diary of St Faustina kowalska - Divine mercy in my soul

(bottom page)

And imitate them how they achieve spiritual direction/ have a regular confessor. They mostly pray about it.

So I did, and I get 4 confessors willing to hear me confess monthly, (one for every week) but I still pray lest they change their mind and unwilling to hear me anymore:blush:

Ps: I confess weekly, and I say to the Lord, Jesus grant me the grace to confess every week, if this is according to your will, because nothing is impossible for you. Just say a word and it will be done. And I go to the priest (Praying)…


Thank you Jesus.

May the merciful Jesus bless you

You might check out a nearby monastery.

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