SPLIT: Married by a judge so can't receive communion?


#1

i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset


#2

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

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#3

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

Because you are not in a state of grace. You need to visit with a priest. If you want to be absolved from your sins, and receive the Euchrist, you need to follow the Catholic teachings.
We have some wonderful priests and Deacons, who can answer this question for you in a way that you will be able to understand. First of all have you been confirmed? This is a necessary Sacrament for marriage. Please do not be discouraged. Go to a priest and get your answers. You will be so relieved when you are back in full communion with the Church. Life will be so much better. I will pray for your complete understanding and return to our beloved Catholic faith.


#4

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#5

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

It is a shock if one does not know about the precepts of the Church. Catholics are bound to obey the canon laws regarding marriage, which means they must get approval of the Church to marry. The canonical form is to be followed, except with a dispensation. To have a civil marriage, which is without Church approval, means that the marriage is invalid, so that living with the civil marital spouse is scandalous and sexual relations in it may be fornication, or if the spouse was previously married, it could be adultery instead. The Church requires an affidavit of freedom to marry and checks the sacramental records for previous Catholic sacraments too. Also there is marital training of the purpose and meaning and covenant, and agreement to raise the children in the Catholic Church.

There are two solutions, simple convalidation and retroactive convalidation. These establish the marriage as a Catholic marriage, and require the same type of preparations as a normal Catholic marriage.


#6

Were you Protestant at the time? The canon only applies to Catholics. Marriage is a sacrament that is bestowed by baptized Christians on each other. If you were Protestant at the time of the marriage, then the witness of the judge is not a problem. The marriage is sacramental, so long as there was not a valid previous marriage. However, if you were Catholic, then you were required to obey the Church rules and get married by a Priest or Deacon.
I ran into this issue once when a Priest went off half-cocked without inquiring as to the religious status of the individuals in the marriage. Even Priests sometimes forget to ask the important questions.


#7

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

kimmi, you are "shocked" and upset about something your priest told you and so instead of talking to him about it, you create a profile on an internet forum and ask strangers?

That makes no sense to me at all.

Go talk to your pastor.


#8

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

Why didn't you ask him? If you were 'too upset' at the time, why not e-mail him or telephone him now?

NB: The other posters have told you WHY your priest could not accept your confession. As a Catholic you are required by Catholic teaching (easily available on line and if you had gone to PreCana or pre marriage sessions --the notices for which are on virtually all parish bulletins!) to be married at CHURCH, not by a judge.

IF you and your husband are not impeded by a previous marriage (by a judge or otherwise), then indeed, all you need is to have your marriage convalidated (blessed in church) to come back into a state of grace.

You might not have known it was a sin (but you should have, if you're old enough to marry, you're old enough to 'research' all you need to do), but it was. There are consequences but luckily, they are very easy for you to overcome.

And please, we ALL make mistakes. There is nothing SHAMEFUL per se in your making this mistake. It is no PUNISHMENT to be convalidated. nobody will laugh at you. You are NOT being PUNISHED. You are being helped out. Try to look at it that way.


#9

Make an appointment with the priest and see about having your marriage convalidated.
:)


#10

[quote="nietz, post:3, topic:292486"]
First of all have you been confirmed? This is a necessary Sacrament for marriage.

[/quote]

While this is the norm and is encouraged, it is not an absolute requirement. The only thing that is actually required for a marriage to be sacramental is baptism of both parties involved.


#11

[quote="ValPal, post:10, topic:292486"]
While this is the norm and is encouraged, it is not an absolute requirement. The only thing that is actually required for a marriage to be sacramental is baptism of both parties involved.

[/quote]

It basically is a requirement unless there is some extreme reason not to.

Can. 1065 §1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.


#12

[quote="ValPal, post:10, topic:292486"]
While this is the norm and is encouraged, it is not an absolute requirement. The only thing that is actually required for a marriage to be sacramental is baptism of both parties involved.

[/quote]

It basically is a requirement unless there is some extreme reason not to.

CHAPTER I : PASTORAL CARE AND THE PREREQUISITES FOR THE CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE

Can. 1065 §1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.


#13

[quote="thistle, post:12, topic:292486"]
It basically is a requirement unless there is some extreme reason not to.

CHAPTER I : PASTORAL CARE AND THE PREREQUISITES FOR THE CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE

Can. 1065 §1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.

[/quote]

But 'grave inconvenience' is in the eyes of the beholder. If the Bishop refuses to delegate imposition of Confirmation to the Pastors in cases like these you will find many a non-confirmed Catholics being married. I know it's getting more and more common in my parish where fewer and fewer opt to be confirmed when they are still in their teens.


#14

[quote="Phemie, post:13, topic:292486"]
But 'grave inconvenience' is in the eyes of the beholder.

[/quote]

True; often, this comes down to "our wedding date comes up before next Easter, and we already have a significant financial obligation tied up in all our reservations"...

If the Bishop refuses to delegate imposition of Confirmation to the Pastors in cases like these you will find many a non-confirmed Catholics being married.

Hmm... not quite sure what you mean here. Typically, a non-confirmed adult will go through RCIA and then be confirmed at the parish at the Easter Vigil. There's no 'delegation' necessary, either of the sacrament of confirmation or of the determination of 'grave inconvenience'. (Or is this just a U.S. thing?) Or am I missing what you're saying here...? :confused:


#15

The poster does not identify herself as a Catholic. This seems a little strange to me.


#16

[quote="kimmi2, post:1, topic:292486"]
i want to know why a preist told me today at confession that he couldnt except it today because i got married by a judge and i cant receive comunion untill i get my marriage blessed why is that i am very upset

[/quote]

Because Catholics are required by the Church to be married Sacramentally. The Church doesn't recognize civil marriage for Catholics. So the Church doesn't consider you married at all, rather 'co-habitating', which is against the rules. When you co-habitate, you are not in communion with the Church and therefore can't receive Communion until you are again in communion with the Chuch. In order for you to be in communion with the Church, in your current situation, you must be Sacramentally married. So you need to have your marriage "convalidated" by a Priest.


#17

[quote="mary_bobo, post:15, topic:292486"]
The poster does not identify herself as a Catholic. This seems a little strange to me.

[/quote]

Right....but the priest wouldn't have told her that she couldn't receive communion until she got her marriage blessed if the fact was she wasn't Catholic...Even if she isn't Catholic, she got her question answered :p


#18

[quote="Gorgias, post:14, topic:292486"]
True; often, this comes down to "our wedding date comes up before next Easter, and we already have a significant financial obligation tied up in all our reservations"...

Hmm... not quite sure what you mean here. Typically, a non-confirmed adult will go through RCIA and then be confirmed at the parish at the Easter Vigil. There's no 'delegation' necessary, either of the sacrament of confirmation or of the determination of 'grave inconvenience'. (Or is this just a U.S. thing?) Or am I missing what you're saying here...? :confused:

[/quote]

The confirmation of Catholics belongs to the Bishop, whether they are adults or children.

To confirm Catholics who are not in danger of dying, whether they are children or adults the priest requires special permission from the Bishop. Ideally they wouldn't be in the RCIA program anyway. He doesn't need that special permission to confirm those adults he baptizes or receives into full communion at the Easter Vigil, he gets that authority from Canon Law.

Some Bishops do not delegate that authority, and some priests don't ask for it, unless there is a very good reason.


#19

[quote="Phemie, post:18, topic:292486"]
Ideally they wouldn't be in the RCIA program anyway.

[/quote]

Interesting perspective.

I would think that they would want to go through RCIA prior to confirmation -- at the very least, my understanding was that a period of catechesis prior to confirmation was required. Or, are you suggesting that the pastor individually catechize each and every unconfirmed person who presents himself for marriage in his parish? Oh, my! :eek:


#20

[quote="Gorgias, post:19, topic:292486"]
Interesting perspective.

I would think that they would want to go through RCIA prior to confirmation -- at the very least, my understanding was that a period of catechesis prior to confirmation was required.

[/quote]

RCIA is for non-Catholics. It is not the proper place for Catholics. Yes, they should receive proximate preparation for the sacrament either in a group or individually. This is typically about 6 weeks of catchesis.

[quote="Gorgias, post:19, topic:292486"]

Or, are you suggesting that the pastor individually catechize each and every unconfirmed person who presents himself for marriage in his parish? Oh, my! :eek:

[/quote]

Many do. If it is a small parish that would be appropriate. If it is a larger parish with a number of adult Catholics seeking confirmation, then an adult confirmation class would be in order, taught by the pastor or his designee. Again, NOT RCIA.


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