sports bars?????? for free time??


#1

should going to sports bars be allowed as free time for husbands?? i have never been to one… but somehow it did not seem right? what do you guys think???
the excuse is that it is just to see sports and have some beers and some buffalo wings… i still dont see why that cant be done somewhere other than a sports bar…
do let me know ur ideas…


#2

Um, “allowed” - not a word I would use… DH is not my child, nor am I his Priest, I have no authority to allow or disallow him to go or do things…

My husband would rather eat a bug than watch sports, so, sports bars are not his thing. My husband does enjoy having a cocktail with friends up at the Marina. Adults can choose to consume alcohol in moderation, and we are encouraged by the Bible and the CCC to have friends. So, if my husband wants to have a drink with friends - I encourage him to go! Same for me, every now and then I like to have a nice Martini and listen to some good music with my friends at a bar.

I wish we lived in a place where there was Theology on Tap! That would be a way cool evening :thumbsup:


#3

Are you actually suggesting you would “forbid” your husband from going? Honestly…how would you feel if your husband was considering whether to “allow” you to visit/dine/shop with your friends?! Assuming you married a man and not a child, I think the question is insulting. If you didn’t marry someone who is capable, trustworthy, shows good judgment and attracts friends who respect him and support his commitments–then the failure is yours, and no amount of “allowing” or “not allowing” will fix a poor choice.


#4

allowed? lol mariam…lol
i know what you’re trying to say. I am not my husband’s mom, though…I use words like ‘allowed’ with my kids, though.:wink:

My husband on occasion, will ‘watch the game’ with a neighbor or friend from work–at a sports bar. Not a Hooters type or anything like this–he does have class. lol But, I see nothing wrong with ‘allowing’ him the opportunity to have a beer now and again with a good friend or his brother. It’s not frequent…

I have never been a wife who puts restrictions on my husband. I trust him…and he trusts me. I think that if it’s a frequent thing–that would send up a red flag to me that my dh doesn’t want to hang out with me…and that would feel bad.:frowning:

May I ask what is the issue you have with sportsbars, as opposed to say grabbing a beer at Friday’s?


#5

You seem to have no problems with watching sports and drinking beer, so why can’t it be done at a sports bar? I’m completely missing what the objection is.

Secondly, I agree with kage_ar about your verbiage. Are you trying to control your husband’s behavior? Must he ask for your permission to hang out with his friends?


#6

i think everyone is angry about the “allowed” phrase… i am sorry about that… its not that i would not “allow” it, i am wondering if it is prudent to be going to a sports bar to have drinks…
and it is a frequent thing… as in once every week or couple of weeks…


#7

What is it that is bothering you, because you aren’t clear? Is it the location? What is wrong with a sports bar? Is it a particular sports bar, because the style of sports bars varies wildly?


#8

once every few weeks is not frequent…but once per week could get a little much. (But, if it’s too frequent to you, that’s what matters) My husband used to go weekly…I do admit. I never asked him to stop, but one day he said he just felt ‘bad’ about it…like he was ignoring me. I truly never felt that way, because we always had our ‘date’ nights, and then he would have a drink with a friend…and I do like alone time, sometimes…to rent whatever movie I want…(chick flicks) and just chill. I am glad he doesn’t go as often…he goes maybe once per month/two months now…I think relocating to Tampa might change that, because he won’t have any friends there but me.:smiley: Aw. I do mean that in a funny way.

But…seriously…some time alone isn’t a bad thing. Mariam…be honest with yourself…do you feel when he goes out, that he is ignoring you? that he somehow would rather be elsewhere? It’s totally normal to think these things…I did, once upon a time…but I soon realized that some ‘apart’ time isn’t a bad thing…and a sportsbar is often a place where men bond. But, my husband also goes to hockey games…basketball games…baseball games…lol. I told him HE should open his own bar.:wink:


#9

i have personally never been to a sports bar… but i am wondering if it is the kind of place where u pick up girls…
i know everyone will say that it can happen anywhere… lol…
but it just seems scary to me… to put yourself in that position…


#10

…I’m sorry. I must have missed something - for some reason I thought you’d just had a divorce finalized? If so, the X’s biz is certainly the X’s biz…

The general question, though, must have a relative/subjective answer. One night out every couple weeks could be too much for one but not enough for another. Does the time out negatively affect, say, childcare, work, etc? Or is it possible one spouse is a total homebody and expects the other to give up public life & do the same after marriage.

Likewise for the choice of activities on said night-out. Would it be prudent for a recovering alcoholic to drink in a bar? Probably not. For a responsible person (male OR female) able to manage time and behavior, it hardly sounds like an issue…I believe it’s healthy for both spouses to have activities outside the home & connections to community. :slight_smile:


#11

Yep, there is nothing in “sports bar” that rings wrong, although I don’t know what they look like in reality. What is it that you’re afraid of? Scantily clad sportswomen? Cheerleaders? Your husband’s friends’ influence? Something has obviously triggered your intuition, so you can’t be expected to pretend you’re cool about it, but maybe the true cause lies elsewhere?

Just because there exists some theoretical possibility of picking up girls doesn’t mean he’ll do it. Give him some credit. :wink:


#12

Sports bars are primarily about beer and sports. Go figure.

If you’re concerned that your husband may be inclined to temptation, a sports bar may not the best place. Do not misunderstand me; a sports bar is definitely not a strip club. Neither are all sports bars the same. However, I do think that you have a legitimate concern. If, however, everything is well in the marriage and your husband is strong in the faith, I would not be terribly concerned.

Still, I would encourage you to try cultivate a hunger for spiritual things in your husband’s life. A sports bar is not the ideal location to grow in the grace of our Lord. Unless, he’s using the place to share the faith or discuss religion over a glass of beer, spending countless hours there is a waste of time.


#13

I think it’s perfectly fine. Our oldest daughter worked in a sports restaurant/ bar as a hostess for several years. There are TVs everywhere, people eat, drink, watch TV etc.

As long as it’s not like Hooters, where the men go for something else, it’s no big deal, IMO. —KCT


#14

This sounds like a bit of a trust and communication thing. Do you trust your husband won’t go home with a girl he met at the bar? In my personal experience, sports bars are about sports and a bar. If there are women there trying to meet single men, they’ll probably feel neglected due to the multitude of televisions showing various sports.

Also, is there anything stopping you from going with him once to see what it’s like? If it’s a “guy’s night” type thing, obviously ask first or make it a separate occasion. It sounds like you’re scared of the unknown, which is normal, but if you find out what it is then you probably won’t be scared of it anymore.


#15

So…where’s all the suspicion coming from? Does your husband… flirt? act inappropriately with other women? Cheat? Drink too much? Behave badly when out with his buddies? Fail to assure you that he’s in love with/committed to you?


#16

I am a female but love sports bars - especially during college football season. If it is seriously cutting into his family life to go off with friends to watch sports, that’s one thing. Is it the amount of time (frequency) or the location?

Most sports bars are pretty wholesome places - at least where I live. My kids sports teams even used to have their end of season sports banquets at a sports bar.


#17

Sports bars…can be places where people are led astray…but typically, people have that in their hearts…and the sports bar is just the place to act it out.

mariam…someone asked you if you are divorced? are you concerned for your husband or your ex? her post confuses me now. lol


#18

As long as it’s not like Hooters, where the men go for something else

What else? Picking up a whore??.. No, how about going there for a great buffalo chicken sandwich served by a pretty gal wearing what we wish our own wives COULD wear.

There’s one thing a married woman will NEVER understand:
Just because a man is “on a diet”, it doesn’t mean he cannot “look at the menu”! We will always look.

So what if “YOUR” man gets rev’d up at a sports bar… he’s still coming home to you. If you get off your soapbox long enough you might just be able to take advantage of this situation, instead of hammering him at the door when he comes home… (to YOU by the way).


#19

Wow.
and
Yikes.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


#20

Geeze Jay as soon as I saw your name, I knew there’d be some comment like this.:rolleyes:

Most sports bars (I take exception to the Hooters kind) are not the pick up chic’s kind of place. Not like the regular bar scene. Mariam I think you may be over reacting a tad.

And Jay I take exception to Hooters not because my husband looks or doesn’t look but because it is a degrading practice. To put women('s breasts) on display like they are objects for a man’s entertainment is repugnant to me.


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