[quote=luvmykids]Sorry, but in this example I would have to say that I’m not so sure that in the long run this would be a good thing to keep to yourself for a few reasons. It may cause you to lie further to your spouse if they don’t know the truth. It may continue to fuel further guilt, which is not good for a relationship. Hearing that you are forgiven from the person whom you hurt is a very important part of repentance and moving on from a sinful thing such as this. There will always be that one big secret between two people who are to be one flesh. Also, what if the guilty party contracted some disease in the process? I think that the other person would have the right to know about this and get themselves tested. What if some day another child pops up in the picture that is a product of the affair and the pregnancy wasn’t know about at the time of the break up. Or what if the other spouse someday, someway, finds out from someone else? That would be even worse than finding out from your spouse. Basically I feel that if you want your realationship to grow and move on from this, and if something like this happened in the first place there are some major issues that need to be addressed and that cannot happen by keeping quiet.
And what if that never happens? If it happens then, deal with it then. It would not be worse. The worse already happened.
And why should a person burden another, just because of marriage? The “what if” and “maybe…” I’ve lived a very long time in my marriage, and from my experience, couples blab too much to each other, instead of sucking up their mistakes and moving on, for the sake of the other. That’s true contrition, to repent and move on, never to repeat the same sin if possible.
We have become a society that feels everything must be examined, disected and dismantled, in the Name of Love. Horse-hockey.
I feel that you are entitled to tell whoever about your confession or not, but YOU get to make the choice. There is no demand on telling your spouse everything, and sometimes that information can cause more harm than good.
Remember, too, that two may become one flesh, but it’s until death, when couples part. In other words, some day one of us is going to be alone in a couple, with the same individual soul we’ve always had, unless we both die in some sort of horrible accident. We need to be individuals, and God does see us as individuals, and does not hold us cupable for each other’s sins in the marriage relationship.
I think the entire idea of spousal confession is harmful! :bigyikes: I think that as Catholics, to be blessed with this opportunity to bring our self sinfulness to God AND THE COMMUNITY through the privacy of the confessional is one of the very best gifts there is. I don’t like the idea of some touchy-feely experimentation “to bring us closer together” is such a hot idea, when private, integral, individual confession has worked for centuries, and is necessary even in communal celebrations of Reconciliation.
And even if my husband became a priest tomorrow, he would still not be my confessor. In fact, I do believe priests are taught to discourage relatives from using their power to bind and loose on anything more than an emergency basis, aside from a few very old ladies who can’t get out.
And before I forget, there is also the matter of counseling that goes on at times in the confessional. Surely my husband does not want to know that at times, I think he’s a selfish pig (just an example) and what Father said to do about that.