If you are going to waive portions of your list, what’s the point in having a list?
My advice to you: you’re treating finding your spouse like buying a new car. You’re looking for certain features that you want based on what’s comfortable to you. As you said, you want a man who is in the same mind-frame as you on many issues, not just one. The catechism of the catholic church teaches that: “After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one’s own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving.”
It’s my opinion that your list, while made with well-intentions, won’t really help you find your spouse. Sometimes you just gotta meet people for the sake of meeting people. If a man was already perfect at the time of you meeting him, why would he be single? He’d probably be a priest or happily married.
In regards to what you just wrote on you never overcoming how you feel about conceiving, I don’t think you ought to marry. Here’s what the catechism teaches: Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter - appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility.
I think you should just seek a therapist to work out that phobia now because it’s going to be painful for both you and your future spouse if you do get married later on.
I’m not saying any of this stuff to hurt you.