Lillian: The two things are different. But what you should be extremely discerning about is who the person is, not your list of mostly superficial “I wants.” There is an old saying, “A woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right, but she is more often left (alone).” I think the better approach is to find a good person who you come to love and want to be with. If you must use your list, use it then, but not as a disqualifier, as a list of things the two of you need to talk about and get straight on.
Also, someone who checks every one of your boxes up front is not guaranteed to check off everything you want, or will want, after marriage. A guy who is too good to be true, probably is not true. Marriage is a relationship, not a set of requirements. A spouse is a person, not a set of requirements.
Also, do you check off every item that a guy could have on his list? Be honest. If you think you are that perfect, you may want to take second look. If you are not perfect, don’t expect your ideal mate to be. You are not being discerning, you are trying to create a perfect situation where that is not possible. You are trying to eliminate the risk, vulnerability and hard work that is inherent in the process of finding a mate. It can’t be done and even attempting it may send you in the wrong direction.