dear Franny, :hug1:
there’s one thing that I learned recently from the Saints and I thought I’d tell you, maybe it will help.
Sometimes God gives us spiritual consolations to encourage us to love Him better. But then, He removes them, to further purify our hearts. Don’t worry, you did nothing wrong, this is not a punishment. This is God trying to draw you even closer to Himself. Don’t allow sadness to dwell in your soul and don’t give in to despair, which is from the enemy. Just keep on trusting God. The Saints went through what you describe A LOT. It happened to some of them for many years or months! (but it can also be weeks, days, or hours!)
I’m not sure how to describe what I mean…
I’ve read that the most pleasing prayer to God is one that’s prayed in suffering, in dryness. When we *choose *to love Him, though He seems far… it shows that we love Him more than consolations, we love Him for His own sake, not how His presence makes us feel. Love is a choice, not an emotion. This is how Jesus loved us on the Cross.
So in this time, make sure you pray more, not less! and try not to pay so much attention to the fact that you don’t feel His presence anymore, but remember that He hears you. He hears every word. Just adore Him for who He is.
He definitely hasn’t left you and is in fact probably closer to you than ever
I think this might be a “dark night of the soul”, depending on what mansion you were in before.
In any case! humbly submit to His will… say, “Lord let it be as You want! even if I have to suffer”.
and then you’ll grow from this time so much.
I went through a similar experience two years ago. I went on a conference, and during the whole conference I felt that God had actually LEFT. That He rejected me. I felt this very strongly, that He is not there, and there’s this absense… I was tempted to atheism. Every second felt like a battle to not lose faith. It was really hard and I spent half the conference crying in my room lol!! the rest of the time I had to appear ‘normal’ and happy to all my friends.
well this experience was painful but I grew a lot from it, and when it was over, I saw that God WAS with me.
don’t give up
try to say together with St Therese: “my heaven is to smile at this God I adore when He is hiding and testing my love”. Right now, you have the opportunity to give Him your prayers and your love without getting anything sensible in return. You won’t receive spiritual consolations but He will receive your love. Try to see that as something beautiful… this is so pleasing to Him! and it’s like a spiritual martyrdom in a way, to help us die to self. To love God in the MOST disinterested way…the least selfish way. You are sharing in the Cross right now.