[quote="EasterJoy, post:19, topic:222005"]
OP, your standards aren't out of line, but you will do well to be realistic and compassionate about your search. There are very few societal pressures to bring out these qualities in a man, and there are even some bent on extinguishing these fine qualities in men who have them. For instance, men are actively encouraged to be selfish and juvenile before marriage--and after marriage if they can get away with it--rather than being fun-loving and capable of relaxation with other men in ways that are still appropriate to a grown-up. Men are taught to see women as objects, not as daughters of the Lord, or else as beings that are in no way different and who should be treated in no way different than another man. I could go on, but suffice it to say that getting to the place you're describing is a steep uphill battle, even for the ones with enough going for them to know to want it. Consider the difficulty of a woman to reach this in our culture and you will know what I mean: Similarly, (too,) women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes, but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds.** 1 Tim. 2: 9-10 **Suffice it to say that this is not the ideal of womanhood that our young men and women are being bombarded with, either.
When I was about your age, I came up with this rule: 1 in 10 guys are worth dealing with just about from birth, about 8 in 10 aren't worth dealing with until they're 25, and 1 in 10 are never going to be worth dealing with at all. I'm not sure if the ratios are correct, but the general idea has proven to be spot on: Many men are not sufficiently mature to even consider as marriage material until they are out of college.
Men know this; I have not met any over the age of 25 who differ with my basic premise. Many of the ones who were early to mature went through high school and college disgusted with their peers and how those peers talked about the women they dated. I am convinced that this is why so many fathers would like to lock up their daughters until their daughters are out of college. They look at the young men their daughters are dating, and they think: I was you once, buddy. That is my daughter you have there, though. Don't even think it. If you hurt her, I will hunt you down like a dog.
Be open to having to communicate that you like "chivalrous", and be willing to adjust your definition to the realities of the 21st century. By that I do not mean to embrace a feminist ideal that says men and women are the same. I mean that the chances are high that you make more than he does, and should not expect him to pay for everything, that you do not wear a skirt and heels everywhere and therefore have a less obvious need to have doors opened for you and chairs pulled out in every circumstance, that kind of thing. We cannot afford to have an appreciation of chivalry degenerate into a sense of entitlement.
I dont like that you put women on a pedestal. College age women are just as immature as college age men. They also are not in a position to consider marriage. That is why many young women end up divorced. They go for someone older and when marriage comes their spouse wont put up with someone immature as soon as the sex becomes mundane.
You sound like my best friend. He believes 8/10 women are promiscuous. He gets called out on it all the time. Yet it is perfect ok for a women to believe the same about men.
The way you write your post comes off as men being responsible for all the problems good women have. Good women cant find dates because they want the bad guy personality inside the good guy. You cant have both at the same time.
It is incredible how many girls turn down good guys because they can only see them as like a "brother". Well, if you are that shallow I cant believe you are very mature and I cant feel any sympathy for struggling to find a good guy.
Maybe if young women actually went for good guys and accepted there may be some imperfections then women would complain less about guys.
I also find it insulting as a man when women assume I cant be a virgin or control myself and that I objectify women simply by being a man.
Women are not perfect even if they like to think they are. They are no better than men in most cases. Who do you think these unchaste men are being unchaste with? Thats right, with women. Even the unchaste women complain about men wanting sex. How hypocritical is that??!!!
It is a two-way street. Women are not more virtuous and chaste than men are. Women are no more mature than men are.
Men are typically more honest and straightforward though. Women dodge questions and wont be honest with you even when you ask. That is ultimate sign of immaturity. When you cant be honest and tell the truth, you are immature. I know because each time I have been turned down by a woman, none has ever told me why or been honest when I asked. Yet, I am always honest when I turn them down. Even if it means being harsh. I would rather they know the truth than to lie and give a generic answer.
Both sides stuff smells bad. I dont hold everything against women. I try to get the complete person and not a list of qualities or demands. I would go for an atheist if I thought her goodness outweighed her negatives. Listing demands and qualities for spouses is the road to singledom.
When you make lists of qualities and demands, you ignore your own failings. You dont consider if you would match up to a guy or girl like that. You just assume that someone will when it can be very true that it wont be the case.
All I am saying is that there are good men out there and if a Catholic girl wants a good man she should be looking at the big picture instead of the small picture.