I’m a 26 year-old male.
Moving to a small suburb when I was in grammar school, I was the butt of many jokes - scrawny, wimpy, a “goody-goody Catholic boy,” etc. I hated grammar school, and I didn’t make a lot of friends in high school; most were promiscuous drinkers and drug-users. I wasn’t bothered much, but also developed the reputation of a “goody-goody.” I had a girlfriend for a year, but we parted ways. I sometimes yearned to have a group of buddies, but resigned to the fact I wasn’t around anyone similar.
I went to college, made a great group of friends. We’re mainly still in contact with each other occasionally, but few of us live with nearby each other. I live with my family, and I’d like to move to a place of my own fairly soon.
Now, stuck in the 'burbs, I’ve gone through ups and downs with depression. I’ve had one dark period where I talked to strangers over the Internet and even met them, but we didn’t do any explicit sexual acts. I’m now done with that. I’ve begun to re-establish my relationship with Christ in a new way that I’m building upon every day.
Lately, I’ve been on Facebook a lot and looking at the profiles of people I’m “friends” with; many from grammar and high-school, and a good number from college.
I’ve begun to feel pangs of sadness - they’re photos showing them all out together, having good times at sporting events, concerts, etc. They’re working at good jobs, living at cool addresses, etc. How I wish sometimes that I was involved leading a fun, active life with them as friends. Some of these are people I once hung around with, others were acquaintances that I never was given to opportunity to really associate with. My family isn’t very large or close, so I don’t have them as a social outlet.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I have been feeling like I’m a born loser. I’d like to move into the city and be closer to my work, and maybe take some courses. Yet, I think that if I move out, I’ll isolate myself further from the few friends in my area and I’ll be paying rent to live in solitude. I keep feeling like I’m too old to re-make the group of friends that I once had in college; so many people I know are getting involved in long-term relationships or marriages. I keep regretting that I might have been to avoiding of people in the past, and that I’m too wishy-washy to have any romantic relationships (plus haunted by the emotional affairs I might have done in the past). I also feel like if I stay in the 'burbs, I’ll also drift further into obscurity, cut off from meeting anyone new.
I just want to enjoy my young adult years, be happy, healthy, and live holy as well. I just feel like such a broken puzzle; I don’t know how to start anew (or if it’s worth doing anything at all). Have you ever felt this way?