Staying overnight with boyfriend, different beds. Is it a sin?


#1

Hi. So my boyfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship and we plan to meet up next month. He had planned for an overnight stay together in a hotel because of his tight financial budget. Is it a sin for us to stay overnight in the same room but with different beds? I would like to listen to what you all think of this issue. Thanks


#2

This is what is termed a “near occasion of sin” in that it puts you in the very real position of giving in to temptation. He should stay at anthother residence or at worst sleep on the couch/sleeping bag, with an older, reliable female relation staying with you in the same bedroom, occupying the other bed as long as he is visiting. Really, it’s such a bad idea to have him in the same room in another bed. A very bad idea indeed, my dear. :slight_smile:


#3

Having premarital sex is a sin. What you are describing is really just a very bad idea (unless for some reason neither of you are tempted sexually, which would be odd since he is your boyfriend)


#4

You sound like a sweetheart. So let me tell you a truth right about now. Most guys aren’t. So even if he’s projecting all innocence and good stuff you’re in his sights on this. You’re putting yourself in a really bad spot of vulnerability. For no reason. Well. For no good reason.

I can’t stress enough why this is a bad idea. I mean even if you don’t care about your reputation. Or his. Just think about the kind of stress you’re going to put him under. I mean never mind that it’s his idea. He’s like an untamed lion and you’re like a prize steak. That’s no exaggeration here. So yeah. If you want to stay chaste. You’d better make haste. And plan on other plans. Because this is dynamite in a bottle. And there’s no good reason for it.

Peace Sam. Good luck!

-Tident, the ‘tamed’ lion :rolleyes:


#5

Where do you live that 69 dollars is a make or break deal for either one of you? Perhaps if that is really the case you could better save your money by not making the trip.

Can you fork out the cheddar for your own room?
Are their friends or relatives that could help you out?


#6

Perhaps this is something to talk to your priest or your parents about, not strangers on the internet.

I think it’s terribly imprudent for you to stay in a hotel with a boy you do not know IRL. Uh, that is just asking for trouble.

You need to develop your relationship based on the standards of chastity and modesty that you will continue to expect from each other throughout your dating life.

Besides being dangerous, staying in the same hotel room creates a false sense of intimacy and also a near occasion of sin. It’s a really bad idea.

And, just so you know who you are getting advice from: my now husband and I were also long distance for 2 years prior to marriage.

Staying with friends, family members, or just saving up more money until you can afford to stay separately are alternatives.

Don’t get suckered by this false practicality angle.


#7

That is a different issue. Is this boyfriend someone you know? You say long-distance relationship, but in this day and age, that could be someone you never met, or someone you had a relationship with, but are now separated from


#8

Ouch , stereotyping much! , anyway if it’s in seperate beds its perfectly fine, if you keep it platonic , which is easier than people claim.


#9

Have the courage to say “no, thank you”. If he cares for you then he will understand. It is really a no-go. And you did the right thing to check if you were unsure.


#10

Not really. Just solid Catholic responsible advice. Are you going to pick up the pieces for her if she messes up?


#11

Stereotypes exist for just this kind of moment. They’re there for that broad brush approach. The balance of probabilities. You think I’m going to take the outside track on this? Expect him to be an angel? Or her? Have you lived in the real world? I mean that’s where I’m from. And in that land people fall into temptation with a lot less space than a hotel room. With a lot more people around than just them and a sleeping girl they’ve admired from afar. And in a lot shorter space than a whole night. A whole night for them to resist 10 times a minute. 600 times an hour. For 8 hours.

So yeah. I guess I’m just not a believer in everyone always being as strong by night as they are by day. But maybe that’s just because I’ve been there. In those kind of circumstances. And failed. On hour 6.

Peace Starwars.

-Trident


#12

If he is someone you have not met yet this is a dangerous situation.


#13

Very difficult to keep it platonic, since they haven’t seen each other in a while.

Della, in the first post said it best, this is “a near occasion of sin.”

SamC_21 is asking for trouble. Better to go for the extra room, if there are no relatives to stay with.


#14

Yes. If you haven’t met him before, you should not be arranging to sleep in the same hotel room as him, even in different beds.

Does he know you don’t believe in pre-marital sex? He might not have realised, even if you’ve told him you’re Catholic. Has he agreed to respect your faith, and not encourage you to go against it?

IMO, you are putting yourself in a difficult position - you are putting temptation in your way. If you aren’t sure you can resist being tempted, then you shouldn’t share a room with him.

Lou


#15

SAM, How old are you? That plays a huge roll in deciding how to answer you.:slight_smile:


#16

Hi and welcome! I see this is your first post! Nice that you’re here and asking questions.

You didn’t mention if your boyfriend is Catholic.

Give him a good example that you are not willing to put yourself (or him) in a near occasion of sin. This is the loving thing to do. Honor God in your dating life. If you do, there are no regrets.

Remember that if you are considering to have sex before a ring on your finger, you are taking on all the risk, for a few minutes of pleasure. Going through a pregnancy when you aren’t married, having a baby, is a huge deal. Unless a guy wants to come before family, friends and God and say “I will”, stay strong. There is a line you should not be willing to cross because we are weak in our human nature. Don’t put yourself in a compromising situation. Ever. Honor God and he will make straight your path.

God bless and guide you today.


#17

I would advise that you ask your family , priest , good friends etc for their input , two if your fine with being in the same hotel , make sure there is more than one room and bring a relative along , if there is only one room , I’d advise against the sleeping in the same hotel, let him know you care , but are not comfortable with the setting and refuse , that is my advice .

Keep the faith , Starwars .:slight_smile:


#18

:thumbsup:

Peace buddy. Thanks for the reset.

-Trident


#19

Note -putting oneself or another into a near occasion of sin like that can already be a sin! Even grave! As can scandal…

Seek out another arrangement - I was in more than one on long distance relationship in the past - involved relatives – or even or friends of the same gender of the person who visiting…


#20

I was trying to say this advise the first time .


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