Steps After Breakup


#1

Hello all,

I have entered into a change in my life. Recently my girlfriend of 2 years (in addition to one year courting and being friends) has decided to call it quits. Saying that she can not show affection for me that matches my affection for her. I am trying to get advice on steps to take after. Seeing to we attend the same church and are both on as EM’s.

Before we started seeing each other I was getting close to a young lady who expressed much affection for me. I acted in ways that I should have not and said things that were seen as meaning something different than what I had meant them to mean. I messed up because had I said yes to her and the love she was willing to show me, I do not think I would be in the spot I am in now. I understand that it might be seen as “rebounding”, but i am not looking for an easy time if it makes sense, I just feel like I let something that was suppose to be go, and am trying to follow the will of God.

I do not want to be a lone, and I know I have the the LORD but I can not shake the feeling that two people came into my life around the same time for a reason.


#2

My advice would be to give yourself some time to not think about any relationship. Breakups aren’t fun, especially considering how long you were dating. Devote yourself to prayer and other interests. Taking a break from such thoughts doesn’t mean you will end up alone. It will just make it easier to heal.


#3

I think the best thing for you would be to spend some time alone and not to rebound. And that is what it would be for you now.

Sometimes, God puts people in our lives at the same time. But one of them might not be for us, but for them. Perhaps them being there at that time was for them to learn something about themselves and it had nothing to to do with you. Or, you may have needed to learn how to make choices, and how to live with the choices you make.

You need to learn to like yourself, to be comfortable being with yourself before you can offer yourself to anyone else. If not, you will concentrate only on how they fill your days and not on how you are there for them. Relationships are give and take.


#4

I have entered into a change in my life. Recently my girlfriend of 2 years (in addition to one year courting and being friends) has decided to call it quits. Saying that she can not show affection for me that matches my affection for her. I am trying to get advice on steps to take after. Seeing to we attend the same church and are both on as EM’s.

Be professional at work. Act like it’s a job that needs to get done.

Otherwise, don’t give her much attention beyond what is needed.

Before we started seeing each other I was getting close to a young lady who expressed much affection for me. I acted in ways that I should have not and said things that were seen as meaning something different than what I had meant them to mean. I messed up because had I said yes to her and the love she was willing to show me, I do not think I would be in the spot I am in now. I understand that it might be seen as “rebounding”, but i am not looking for an easy time if it makes sense, I just feel like I let something that was suppose to be go, and am trying to follow the will of God.

If you really think its the will of God, then proceed but carefully.

I do not want to be a lone, and I know I have the the LORD but I can not shake the feeling that two people came into my life around the same time for a reason.

The clincher here for me is whether or not the previous relationship had a sexual dimension to it. If you were sexually intimate with your ex, then you do need to slow down.

Otherwise, it’s important to discern God’s will. :thumbsup:

On the one hand, you are concerned about being alone. If you were paranoid about it, then the rebounding factor grows.

At this point (assuming there wasn’t or will be sexual activity), I would say go ahead but just make sure you pray daily and examine your intentions carefully.

All in all, I can’t tell you to “take time for yourself” because 1) I’m not sure that is what I would do and 2) I couldn’t stand to tell a guy to sit out a decent opportunity on some principle that is rather cliche.

But it’s also more of a risk emotionally than if you were starting fresh.


#5

What is cliche about telling someone that is obviously confused to slow down and sit it out for a while? You tell him he should discern God’s will for him when he is saying he does not know what God’s will is for him. How would bouncing headlong into a decent opportunity, as you called it, help him to discern anything?


#6

One of my sons is going through this. He thought he and his girl of a year and nine months were together forever, and she broke it off with him. He still helps her as something of a peer counselor, but I don’t think they’re meant for each other. She has many issues to resolve. He is simply paying attention to work, and a lot of people are praying for him. He hangs out with bible college students, and the ministers have helped him deal with the loss.

Please pray for him that our family will attend church again as one. Both this son and hubby have stopped Mass attendance. Hubby was a convert, but seems to be one of those the Lord said would produce a little fruit then die off. I pray not.

Blessings,
Cloisters


#7

That is the thing too I do not mind taking some time, but I do not want to take like a year because I still have a goal in mind and I want to be with someone who wants to work towards taking it to the isle.


#8

A year sounds like way more than enough. Even three months might be enough to clear your head, if well-spent.


#9

Yeah exactly. I really plan on getting immersed in my Co-op, reading, exercising once I start work, and continue learning Italian.


#10

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