My husband and I gave in to all the pressure from friends and family after the birth of our fourth child for him to get a vastectomy. I have felt bad ever since then, and now my guilt is worse after going to confession. I know I am forgiven but why do I still feel guilty?
Maybe God is calling you to have the vas. reversed?
I don’t know Kelly, I don’t think anyone here can do more than surmise. I think you would be better served having this conversaton with your priest! Hope you find peace!
How tragic for you, to have friends and family that want to control your marriage. Do talk to your priest, and many prayers for the conversion of your friends and family!!
i after my fifth child had my tubes tied.
i was in a domestic violence situation and budget strain.
a preist advised my this would be ok due to the unbearable circumstances.
well, i went through a numbers of lows!!! divorce and annulment and now looking at remarriage.the point of this story is , my new fiance and i have to decided to have children and i’m going through the reversal because, it’s GOD’s will! if i’m to have children, in marriange, 10 would be o.k,. as long as i’m not going against the intent of marriage and procreation! our faith in GOD has allowed our life to improve all areas, and as a gift for following his rules we are stronger than we ever were in our relationship.
we still date, we court each other and he loves my 5 kids and i love his son.
all i’m saying is for you and your husband to think of what could happen if you go against GOD’S plan.
My heart goes out to you for the sadness and regret you are feeling. I agree with the other posters; go and talk to your priest. God is merciful and loves a humble heart. Four children is a wonderful family. Be the best mother you can to them and the love of God will shine upon you. You will be in my prayers for healing. :signofcross:
I agree with the idea of going forward from here the best you can. Grieve if you need to. Vasectomy reversal is extremely expensive and not covered by insurance. If having it reversed would mean spending money you need for your kids, then I can’t see how that would be right. Plus it’s really painful and there is no guarantee it will work.
I know just how hard it can be to stand up against those family members who think you have “enough” kids. My MIL is doing everything in her power to ignore my current pregnancy, and that is a real feat of will, since I get absolutely huge. She thought we already had too many children.
From her pressure, and some of the ideas expressed by other family members, and just the culture at large, we thought we should stop having kids. We bought the idea of “breeding ourselves into poverty” and thought it might be irresponsible to have another baby. I was literally days away from having a procedure to occlude my tubes and end my fertility.
Funny thing happened. I ended up at Mass alone for the first time in YEARS. There happened to be a baptism that day. I looked at that baby girl on her Daddy’s shoulder. He was so young, and the image of the two of them reminded me of pictures of my husband holding our first baby, also a girl. It shook me, but I tried to just put it aside and concentrate on Mass. Well, God wasn’t going to pass up such a good opportunity. I swear, the ground literally rocked underneath my feet as I heard a voice in my head scream, “Don’t do it!” I had to sit down, I was in tears. When Mass ended, I had to sit in the pew for a while, because my legs were very shaky. When I got home and told my husband what had happened, we immediately decided not to end our childbearing capacity. I mean, when God is that obvious, do you really want to go against the message? And I have to say, though I still have worries and fears about money, I have more peace in my heart.
I don’t want to make you feel worse with this story. I told it to show you just how far things had to go before I would listen to God and to my own nagging doubts. The Lord literally had to reach down from Heaven and SMACK me on the head before I got it! I still struggle with the whole issue, even after that! I will not be pregnant much longer, and then what? It is still SO HARD to just trust God…
I know that I would be sterile by choice right now if that had not happened. Because we were giving in to the pressure…it will take time, but you need to forgive yourself. Our families have so much power in our lives, and their opinions matter to us. It’s a common trial, and I am sure there are many people out there who have had vasectomies or tubal ligations for the same reasons your husband did. The other side likes to talk a lot about choice… does it sound like people have free choice when they are making these decisions because of pressure? It shows the fallacy of their argument. Please, this is such a common human failing…don’t beat yourself up.
Because you’re human and we tend to live with regrets. I confessed using ABC a couple of years ago and still regret it. A little regret is a good thing, as long as it doesn’t turn into a denial of God’s love through His sacrament of confession. If you have truly repented, He has forgiven you. Maybe you can turn this guilt you feel into a positive thing and be a witness for others who might be contemplating sterilization.
I would like to thank everyone who shared there thoughts with this issue. I trust God will give me peace and maybe inspire me to help someone else who struggles with this.
I too did not feel entirely relieved after confessing that I had a sterilization procedure. I do think it is regret and not quite guilt. After talking to my priest I opted to practice a form of NFP in reparation for what I had done. It has helped tremendously.